School-Themed Stress Dreams Never Stop

April 12, 2011

Apparently? Maybe that’s only true if you were a nerd about school. You might think that being almost fifteen years past any kind of organized educational situation (excuse me while I go eat my gun at THAT number) would mean that school-related anxiety would stop being a useful dream metaphor. Not for me. Last night, [...]

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Things I Think At, But Do Not Say To, People At The Gym #31

April 6, 2011

I know that the men’s locker room and the spa are directly beside each other, but that doesn’t mean it’s okay to walk through the public area from the former to the latter wearing nothing but a towel.

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Things I Think At, But Do Not Say To, People At The Gym #30

March 23, 2011

If your spandex pants are so big that your ass looks like a saggy diaper, it’s okay to go down a size, or work out at home, or not work out.

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The Nate Berkus Show Unveils The World’s Second-Most Insufferable Child

March 17, 2011

Oh my God, you guys, The Nate Berkus Show has done it again. Meet Jackson Murphy, a kid movie critic who needs about seventeen wedgies.

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A Short Play About The Acquisition Of Girl Scout Cookies

February 22, 2011

[2/22/11 5:10:45 PM] Tara Ariano: I have a serious America question, guys. [2/22/11 5:11:44 PM] Mark Lisanti: And now you will ask a question that reveals our lack of knowledge of our country. [2/22/11 5:11:56 PM] Tara Ariano: No, I think you’ll get this one. [2/22/11 5:12:12 PM] Tara Ariano: How would I go about [...]

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Ticketmaster Really Knows Joe

February 16, 2011

(Not really. Like all good Americans, Joe feels Chelsea Handler is terrible.)

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BTW I’m In A Best Picture Oscar Nominee

February 9, 2011

Jenn tweeted this weekend that she was happy about the end of Toy Story 3 because [spoiler] “mini @TaraAriano got the toys in the end.” I guess I can see it!

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“Should Mark Kelly Leave Gabrielle Giffords to Go Into Space?”

February 3, 2011

Well, should he? Honestly, this weekend I didn’t want Dave to go any further than the kitchen, unless it was to go to the store and bring me back snacks. And all I did was fall on some ice. If I ever got shot I would probably handcuff him to me.

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A Short Play About Buying A Throw At Bed Bath & Beyond

February 2, 2011

Dave: Which one do you want? Tara: This one? Dave: Oh, the ugliest one? Tara: Well, why did you ask me to pick if you knew which one you wanted? Dave: I wanted to see if you had an opinion. Tara: You wanted to see if my opinion was wrong. Dave: And boy, was it [...]

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This Weekend, Let’s Do Some Shopping

January 28, 2011

Thank you, Splitsider.

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