A Good Sewn-Together Aggregation Of Reanimated Man Parts Is Hard To Find

Girls Who Like Boys Who Are Boys Sewn Together

Alert Type: "Free Spirit" Alert.

Issue: The recently-reanimated Madison is trying everything she can to make herself feel again, from eating everything in the kitchen to burning her hand with a lighter. The only thing that works is having sex with Frankenkyle.

Complicating Factors: Frankenkyle is violent, unpredictable, starting to figure out what his deal is (thanks to his now having his old frat brothers' tattoos), and not as sex-positive as he could be, given his history with his sexually abusive mother. Also, Zoe isn't 100% sure her original plan to shoot him with Madison's tiny handgun wasn't right. Also, Zoe is still into Frankenkyle, cursed vagina or no, but walking in on Frankenkyle totally nailing Madison up against the wall of their bedroom seems to decide the issue for her.

Resolution: ...or does it? Now that Madison's successfully broken in Frankenkyle for age-appropriate, non-incestuous sex, and since Frankenkyle probably can't be killed by Zoe's "power" because he's only sort of alive, Madison proposes a daring solution!

Honestly, how many interpersonal conflicts could be solved by the combatants' becoming polyamorous throuples?

This'll End Well

Sight Un-unseen

Cordelia is still blind, which is how she almost takes a header down the stairs. She also still has The Sight, which is why, when Madison grabs her and saves her from falling, she gets a vision of Fiona slashing Madison's throat. Maybe Cordelia would have been better off falling...?

Monsters Become Soulmates

Okay, so even though from what we could tell last week, the Axe-Man walked out of Miss Robichaux's for the first time since a bunch of witches killed him in 1919, and into a bar to hit on Fiona, apparently at some point on his walk he managed to get a gig and an apartment,* which is where he brings Fiona. Though Fiona is way into the Axe-Man, she has a crisis of confidence when she loses a hank of hair in the bathroom and tries to leave, but he tells her if she doesn't think love is possible, maybe they could just have sex? That works, and they have a lightbulb-shattering night together.

In the morning, Fiona once again decides this was all a bad idea and tries to leave...which is when we get some of Axe-Man's backstory: while haunting Miss Robichaux's, he got fixated on little Fiona (dropping a bookshelf on one of her foes) and, as she got older and he saw her naked all the time, he fell in love: "Not like a father. Like a man." That doesn't really make it better, Woody. Fiona is understandably confused by this confession, and kisses and then slaps him in rapid succession.

But later, as Fiona's despondently studying her reflection and picked up clippers to shave off all her thinning hair, she hears the tootling of the Axe-Man's saxophone and decides to track him down and give her another chance because THAT'S WHAT YOU DO WITH THE CORPOREAL FORM OF A GHOST WHO'S BEEN SPYING ON YOU SINCE YOU WERE EIGHT. IT'S CALLED ROMANCE.

*Psych, he got the apartment by murdering its actual tenant and leaving him in its filthy bathtub. That doesn't explain the gig, though!

Black Magic Women

Who called the meeting? Queenie.

What's it about? Her new buddy Madame flat-out told her that the other witch students will never accept Queenie because she's black and they aren't, so evidently she's gotten curious about Marie Laveau (who knows all about Queenie already, duh).

How'd it go? Pretty well for Marie. Even though Queenie is the one who initiated the encounter, Marie completely controls the conversation, denigrating everyone Queenie's been living with in "Wonder Bread-land" and complaining that Fiona exhumed Madame. Queenie tries to say that Fiona's made Madame Queenie's slave, as proof that the Miss Robichaux's crew is post-racial, but Marie's not having it, and tells Queenie to ask Madame about the worst thing she ever did. She's pretty sure this will end Queenie and Madame's odd-couple friendship, not to mention Queenie's enrollment at the school, but she promises to let Queenie into her own coven...provided that Queenie delivers Madame to Marie. Once Queenie does so, "even a Supreme won't be able to touch [her]." Jessica Lange is pretty badass, but frankly, I can't believe this is even a contest. Obviously Marie is the true goddess here!

Killing (By) Zoe

Who called the meeting? Cordelia.

What's it about? She took note of the way Zoe got rid of the Axe-Man (I mean...ish), and was impressed by the power Zoe displayed — also concerned.

How'd it go? Very well. Cordelia explains that whether Zoe is the next Supreme or not, if Fiona thinks she is, Zoe's life will be at risk just as Madison's was. Zoe scoffs that no one knows who killed Madison, but Cordelia's like, "Wrong, I do, and the only way forward for this coven is to kill Fiona." Zoe's like, "Yeah, okay." Considering that Zoe came in a Madison skeptic and a Fiona acolyte, turning her around sure was easy!

Spalding, 1963ish-2013

Spalding did not have an easy life. After his family founded the coven generations ago, he was lately reduced to servitude. When the unrequited love of his life was at risk of being found out for a gruesome murder and one of the coven's witches put a spell on him that would keep him from speaking a lie, he cut out his own tongue to protect his beloved. And then, forty-some-odd years later, this little jerk found it — still remarkably pink and healthy, having been enchanted and all — reinstalled it in his mouth, got him to confirm that Fiona really did kill Madison, and then stabbed him in the heart. Granted, no one on this show seems to stay dead for very long, but will anyone even bother to bring Spalding back? (Given that they couldn't even be arsed to put any ointment on his spatula burns: probably not.)

The Worst Thing Madame Ever Did

Remember when Marie was like, "Ask your 'slave' the worst thing she ever did," and Queenie was like, "I know she wasn't a great person" and you were like, "I've already seen her sew slaves' eyes and mouths closed and put her own children in cages, so yeah, I'm aware"? Well, apparently Madame's capacity to be horrible was greater than any of us could ever imagine, as we go back to the 1830s and meet Madame's house slave Sally. Happy news: Sally just had a baby! Less happy news (for Sally): the father is Madame's husband. The worst news is that Madame knows and decides to kill the baby, drain him, make her secret face masque out of his blood, and apply it, with glee, in front of Sally — who, predictably, responds by throwing herself out a window and onto the pavement, killing herself instantly.

Soooooooo...now that Queenie's heard this story, it seems pretty clear that her time in Wonder Bread-land is probably almost up?

Makeover Makeover Makeover Makeover Makeover Makeover Makeover!

Alert Type: Ambush Alert.

Issue: Marie's plan totally worked and Queenie turned on Madame, luring her to Cornrow City on the promise of giving her a kicky new 'do.

Complicating Factors: Madame is clearly one of the world's worst people. But it's hard to stay mad at her when she's dressed like your fun Aunt Rita.

Resolution: Marie and her followers (now including Queenie) easily overpower Madame and shackle her in a standing coffin-cage like the ones she used to put her slaves in.

Marie hands Queenie a little sickle and tells her to have the honour of drawing Madame's blood — but Queenie and Madame have shared so much! Like a late-night burger and fries at the start of this very episode! Will Queenie even be able to do it???

Spoiler: Yes.