Odd Couples

The Supremes

Awakening from a fitful slumber, Fiona (Jessica Lange) flashes back to 1971, when she was a Cheryl Tiegs-esque blonde at Miss Robichaux's, picking the brain of her mentor, Anna-Lee Leighton (Christine Ebersole) about how she knew she was the Supreme. Anna-Lee talks about going to the Council and performing the Seven Wonders, which is the only sure way to prove your status. Fiona wants to try out for it, but Anna-Lee says she's not ready, and then Fiona exposits for our benefit that as a new Supreme starts to come into her power, it basically siphons life force out of the old one. One thing leads to another, and Fiona decides to force the issue by slashing her throat. And when she glances over her shoulder, she sees that Young Spalding With Shoe Polish Hair And Moustache (Denis O'Hare) has been watching approvingly. What a waste of a Christine Ebersole! Unless her early, violent death was meant to make us appreciate what a monster Fiona truly is, if she'd just kill a goddess so cavalierly, in which case, mission accomplished.

The Surge

Who called the meeting? Fiona.

What's it about? She wants a facelift.

How'd it go? Poorly. Fiona has clearly been day-drinking (and possibly day-pilling), and decides to preface her explanation for why she wants cosmetic surgery by telling the surgeon this whole story about her pickup artist techniques and how the day finally came when they no longer work, and the surgeon's like, "...'Kay." Then he shows her, at her request, a VERY graphic video of the procedure she wants, which was produced only for surgeons to watch, and judging by her reaction, it is upsetting.

Meeeeeemories

Who called the meeting? Zoe (Taissa Farmiga).

What's it about? She wants to commiserate with Alicia (Mare Winningham), mother to the former Kyle (Evan Peters).

How'd it go? Pretty well for Alicia, who says she was about to kill herself when Zoe called and suggested that they meet. But Zoe also gets an appreciation, finally, for how much Kyle's death destroyed the people who knew him longer than twenty-five minutes, and helps her arrive at a tough decision.

Did Someone Order A Side Of Beef?

Hey, new friends are moving in next to Miss Robichaux's! Nan (Jamie Brewer), Madison (Emma Roberts), and Queenie (Gabourey Sidibe) approve of Luke (Alexander Dreymon) going shirtless when his moving tasks get him all sweaaaaaaty; Luke's mother Joan (Patti LuPone) does not approve of the girls' shameless ogling.

Yes, We Actually Can

Madame is still racist, and hence is beside herself when "that magic box" tells her "that negro" is President. Fiona's like, "There have also been black Supreme Court justices and Secretaries of State, actually." Madame: "LIIIIIIIIIIIES." Fiona also still has to deal with the fact that the girls have seen Madame, so she's come up with a solution: Madame is "the new maid."

Chatting about Luke over lunch, Madison makes a disparaging reference to Nan's and Queenie's virginity, but Nan announces that she isn't a virgin: "I get it on all the time, and guys find me hot!" (Queenie, however, is still a virgin, and says, "I'm saving myself.")

Madame enters, and the girls get to see her for the first time in her new role as "maid"!

After Madame slings a couple of slurs at her, Queenie orders Madame to serve her sandwich to her, but Madame freaks out and flings it at the wall instead!

Fiona comes in and sentences Madame to be Queenie's butler slave. I hope it goes better for them than it did for Frank and George Costanza....

Magic!

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Burn!

What's On The Menu At The Ramseys'?

Cake: Nan loves to bake! This is a yellow cake with butter frosting. "The one thing I can't resist!" says Luke.

Simmering Jealousy: Luke evidently can resist Madison; though she comes on strong ("You looked pretty good without a shirt; made me interested in the rest of the package"), he totally ignores her. Maybe she should try smelling more like vanilla: according to the Seventeen magazine of my youth, this works on boys. What won't work on Luke is Madison's fame: he doesn't have TV or the internet.

Sliced Wall: Madison sasses Joan about the family's churchiness, because of course she does, and when Madison ignores Joan's announcement that they're going to bring the cake to church with them, making to cut herself a slice, she and Joan struggle over the knife. Because it's Madison, the knife ends up embedded in the wall.

Curtains Flambé: Madison and Nan accede to Joan's wish that they leave -- but not before Madison sets the living-room curtains on fire with the power of her mind. Huh, that's new!

While one doctor is telling Cordelia (Sarah Paulson) that she will never have children no matter what she tries...

...another one is informing Fiona that she can't have her facelift because basically everything is wrong with her.

A Boy's Best Friend Is His Mother

Congratulations to Zoe for unselfishly ignoring her own potential interests in/dirty plans for Frankenkyle, returning him instead to his mother, who really seems to need him desperately!

Gabbin' Like Gals

Who called the meeting? Joan.

What's it about? She's come to tattle on the girls (really just on Madison).

How'd it go? It's instructive all around. Joan is such an over-the-top prig -- she actually says she thinks Luke might have been traumatized by Madison's dress -- that she's obviously hiding some super-dark shit. And while Fiona hasn't really reacted much to anything Joan's said, she perks up at the news that Madison set the curtains on fire. When Madison enters to taunt Joan some more, Fiona dismisses Joan, and asks Madison to light her cigarette. Which she does, and which apparently is huge.

There Are Close Families, And Then There Are The Spencers

As a barely functional Frankenkyle freaks out in his old bed, Alicia enters and tells him that she knows he came back wrong: she knows his body, and this thing isn't it. Just when you're thinking, "How would Alicia be that familiar with the details of her college-aged son's body? Even if she did whip open the curtain when he was taking a shower, maybe because he was acting so weird she wanted to check on him for his own safety?" But I guess even if it's a new body, Alicia's cool with it, because then...

If Frankenkyle had the capacity to form coherent thoughts, I imagine they'd be along the lines of "THANKS A PANTLOAD, ZOE, FOR BRINGING ME BACK TO LIFE FOR THIS SHIT."

Could I Maybe Borrow A Cup Of Voodoo?

Who called the meeting? Cordelia.

What's it about? Having crapped out with her own fertility spell, Cordelia is hoping that Marie Laveau (Angela Bassett) knows one that will knock her up.

How'd it go? You can kind of tell that this effort is doomed to failure when Cordelia shows up looking like Bailey Quarters...

...and Marie is chilling in a bone throne.

And sure enough, even though Marie talks through the fertility ritual in detail while we watch it play out, she ends by declaring that she won't do it on Cordelia's behalf for any amount of money, because she's the daughter of Marie's sworn enemy: "She done messed with the wrong witch, and she knows it. And now you know it."

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Meet The New BFFs!

It shows so much growth for Fiona to take Madison under her wing this way: taking her for brunch, going out shooting pool, casually determining that Madison has no close relatives who cared for her except as a source of income, and showing her how much fun it can be to force a civilian to walk into traffic. This is truly a friendship for the ages.

Welcome Back, Bastienne

Queenie and Madame are trading barbs over whether Queenie will ever find love as long as she's overweight when the former Bastienne, now the Minotaur, shows up at the window in a very threatening posture; in explaining what the hell is going on, Madame has to reveal her true identity. Queenie magnanimously sets aside her hatred of Madame long enough to go investigate, first arming herself with a kitchen knife, which she also uses to slash Madame on the hand so that she can go out to the courtyard with a tea towel marked with Madame's blood to lure out...her new friend?

Don't Try To Have A "Beauty And The Beast" Moment With A Vengeful Minotaur

Queenie, I realize that you are lonely, and a virgin. But I have to think you have at least one other option than luring the minotaur to the greenhouse and masturbating at him. Also I'm pretty sure he has a girlfriend.

Alicia Spencer, 1960ish-2013

After what was apparently a long (losing) battle with her incestuous attraction to her son, Alicia Spencer was killed when he got sick of her self-justifying "I think you needed it as much as I did" this and "Mama knows how to please you, baby" that and caved her head in for her with a nearby trophy. At least she died doing what she loved: molesting her son.

Madison Montgomery, 1994ish-2013

Mere moments after learning that she would be the next Supreme, and that the reason she could feel her powers increasing is that she was drawing strength from Fiona, screen actress Madison Montgomery was killed by having her throat slashed. It just goes to show that when a Supreme witch pulls out a knife and challenges you to kill her the way she killed her own mentor, maybe you should, rather than fight about it and give her the chance to kill you instead.