When A Witch Hunter's Coming, It's All Hands On Deck

The Best Part Of Waking Up Is Killing Witches

Dateline: Chattahoochee National Forest, 1991. Little Hank is hanging out with his dad on a camping trip. He gets his first taste of coffee, hears about his father's past anxiety in his early hunting days...and gets a special silver bullet for his rifle because they're not there to hunt deer or grouse but, of course, a witch. This lady, when Dad Foxx flushes her out, either is Misty's mother or her Designer Impostor...

...and Hank chokes as she begs for mercy, giving her the perfect opening to shoot fire at him.

Dad to the rescue! Did Hank learn the lesson that when it comes to witches, you can never forget what they are, and show them no mercy? Or will he go through life as a choke artist?!

Let's Put Our Heads Together

Who called the meeting? Fiona.

What's it about? Fiona's not thrilled to have received Madame's head in a box, but she's willing to move past it so that her coven and Marie's tribe can team up against the witch hunter.

How'd it go? Pretty well for Marie who, unlike most TV liars, betrays NOTHING about having sicced Hank on the coven before dismissing the idea of an alliance. Even Madame gets in on the action, yelping from her closed box, "Are you insane?" "What the head said," drawls Marie, adding, "Witch hunters is white women's worry." She also guesses from Fiona's wig that she has cancer, and sniffs that Fiona's only coming to Marie about this because Fiona is weak. Fiona insists that Hank is just going to move on to Marie's people once he's done with the coven. Marie waves her off, and calls Queenie in to take Madame's head out back and burn it.

This is also a good meeting for Madame's body, which apparently does not need a head to be very expressive.

Delphi Daddy Issues

Who called the meeting? Foxx Sr.

What's it about? Dad's not happy that Hank got himself kicked out of Miss Robichaux's when the only reason he married her in the first place was so that he could spy on the coven.

How'd it go? Badly for Hank, who is an obvious disappointment to his dad, who's installed someone else as his #2 in the witch-hunting operation. Even when Hank tries to get praise for taking initiative (dispatching Kaylee, for example, and joining forces with Marie to take her out in the long term), his dad reminds him, "You don't take initiative, Hank. You follow orders." However, the meeting does reveal new information to Hank and the viewer: The Corporation authorized Cordelia's blinding, in order for it to render her more dependent on Hank. (No one guessed that it would give her second sight, apparently.) The identity of the actual acid-thrower, though, is still unknown....

What's On The Menu At Miss Robichaux's?

When you've just recently come back from the dead, the best way to reconnect with the old friends who were party to your execution is with a lovely, old-style dinner party!

Melon balls: Dessert is on its way, but first, clear your palate the elegant way: cool, freshly balled honeydew!

Monskwood: Though the melon is flavourful enough to stand on its own, you can give it a little kick with a dusting of monkswood, which gives your guests just a touch of temporary paralysis, so that you can use your handy little melon baller to gouge out their eyes (one eye per guest) and pass them on to the surrogate daughter an unknown assailant blinded not too long ago!

Key Lime Pie: A tart and refreshing finish to a meal worthy of Martha Stewart (and if you think Martha Stewart's never gouged anyone's eyes out at a dinner party, you are living in a dream world).

Fiona vs. Myrtle

Fiona comes home from trying to take care of business at Marie's salon to find Cordelia totally not blind anymore, and though she's visibly moved to see her daughter's vision restored, it doesn't change her general disposition toward Myrtle, and the two immediately start spitting nails at each other. Fiona tries again to sell her story that Myrtle was the one who blinded Cordelia; Myrtle responds by saying that Fiona should be burned at the stake for having killed Madison; Fiona counters that this charge will be hard to make given that Madison is alive again. Fiona tries to button the discussion by threatening Myrtle with "permanent exile" — a sentence that (Sarah, look away) apparently is served in Paramus, NJ (hey, it can't be that bad! I hear there's a mall!), but then Cordelia interrupts to shut them both up and remind them of their common enemy, the unknown witch hunter. And when she hugs Myrtle...nothing happens. Her visions are gone!

Winner: Myrtle, the mother Cordelia obviously prefers.

The Luke Of Love

Alert Type: Unlikely Gal Pal Alert.

Issue: Joan won't let Nan in to see a still-unconscious Luke.

Complicating Factors: When Zoe and Madison bust their way in to the room so that Nan can see her beloved, Joan starts in with the Bible-thumping (even though you'd think she'd be more tolerant of dark forces given how those just brought her back from the dead and all). But then Nan starts reporting what Luke is saying, and Joan changes her mind on Nan. She's a miracle!

Resolution: Once Luke's convinced Joan that Nan's ability to speak on his behalf is legit, he starts accusing her of having been responsible for the death of his father, who was about to leave, but then died of stings from the bees Joan totally set loose in his car, knowing that he was allergic. Once Luke (through Nan) starts in on the "God says you're going to pay" business, Joan kicks Nan out again.

Spoiler: Luke does wake up before the episode's end...whereupon Joan smothers him to death with a pillow. Fortunately for Luke, no one seems to stay dead around here for very long.

Hank Gets A Poke (And Not The Facebook Kind)

Hank is in his shitty motel eating Chinese food when suddenly he starts convulsing in pain from an unknown assailant...and even given the company he keeps, it doesn't occur to him that everything he's experiencing might be caused by Marie Laveau's voodoo. But, duh, it is, and as he's writhing in agony, she calls just to let him know that unless the white witches all die that night, there's a voodoo-doll needle on its way to his heart. She should flick it in the crotch a few times too, if you ask me.

We Are Never Ever Ever Getting Back Together

Man's Best Friend (Also Witch's)

When Hank goes up to get his shit in a box in the closet, he runs into Fiona's latest acquisition: a doggie! A vicious German shepherd! Named Endora! And she's already showing her value by taking an instant dislike to Hank (and knowing quite well that Fiona is HBIC around here). When Fiona asks Hank to guess why she specifically got a female dog, a still pants-peed Hank has just enough wherewithal to offer, "Because bitches stick together?" Close: female dogs are more loyal and aggressive in protecting their families than male ones are, apparently, and the coven needs protection. And Endora can already tell Hank is a threat! Good dog!

Endora trots from the hallway where she menaced Hank to Frankenkyle's room, and the two immediately fall in love!

Unfortunately, Frankenkyle's scary love is too much to take for poor Endora, who was not prepared to guard against threats of the friendly-fire persuasion. (Translation: Frankenkyle hugs the dog to death.)

Zoe, Madison, and Nan come home from the hospital to find Fiona playing gin with a pretty sharp-seeming Frankenkyle! Asked whether she "fixed" him, Fiona laughs that she just "took the liberty of sprucing up [their] boy a touch" so that he could be the coven's new guard dog. ("Fidokyle"?)

Meanwhile, across town, Hank busts in at Marie's salon and starts shooting up the place!

He's got Marie cornered and he's about to shoot her when a gut-shot Queenie grabs one of the handguns he dropped, puts it in her mouth, and blows out her/Hanks brains!

Upstairs in Queenie's apartment, Madame's head — who/which Queenie kept alive so that she could give her a crash course in black history and the civil rights movement — finally can no longer resist the emotional impact of Queenie's curriculum, and sobs with guilt for all her sins!

In his stately office, Foxx Sr. looks at the photos of his dumb dead son, and weeps! (And, presumably, plans revenge.)

And finally, Marie Laveau — the only survivor of the salon massacre — shows up at Miss Robichaux's! BECAUSE BITCHES REALLY DO STICK TOGETHER!