Make Your Mark On New York And You Are A Made Man

It was no surprise when Botched was renewed for a second season. A reality show that encompasses human misery, hideous physical atrocities, and the opportunity for a couple of Beverly Hills plastic surgeons to promote their practices? This thing is going to run until Drs. Nassif and Dubrow die, whereupon their children will replace them and either add or subtract ears and elbows to whatever radioactive survivors are still able to survive in the post-apocalyptic hellscape that awaits us all. But I digress: the show is back, and it has shaken up its winning formula...not at all.

Here are your three subjects for Episode 1, "I Love New Work"!

Deadly Sinner: This is the person in every episode whose current physical issues have resulted from surgery obtained out of vanity. Here, that slot is filled by former Flavor Of Love star New York (a.k.a. Tiffany Pollard), who got her breasts augmented after that first season of reality TV, and thereafter made it through her various VH1 spinoffs with significantly larger hoots. But in the time since she got them, they've shifted: "One tit's in Africa and the other one is in Europe." She also wants a nose job, because her nose drips all the time (uh huh), though she doesn't mention that until she actually comes in for her consultation with the doctors, which Nassif makes sure to tell us. I assume the subjects of the show don't pay for their own work, so she was kind of putting the production on the spot by giving herself a gift with purchase, and it's hilarious that Nassif calls it out. New York also does her TH with a toy magic wand in her hand, and brings it to her consultation, telling the doctors it's her magic healing wand. I didn't watch any of her shows so I don't know if it's a new affectation, but it's not an appropriate accessory for a woman who's [checks Google] THIRTY-THREE?! That's a rough thirty-three, guys. (I fully expected her to be forty-two.)

Poor Unfortunate Soul: This is the person who originally had non-elective plastic surgery due to injury -- and here, that's Cristina, who suffered burns on her face as a child that were never properly remediated, so that now, by her own description, she looks like "Mrs. Potato Head."

It's Not Me, It's You: And this is the person who's gotten a lot of work done but either (a) wants more that the doctors refuse to perform for ethical reasons, or (b) ignores the doctors' recommendations. Rajee is a transwoman who met someone "in the community" who "was doing what we call pumping" -- basically, an unlicensed person who administers black market injectable fillers, and who shot of Rajee's face and breasts with industrial strength caulking. When Dubrow examines her, he discovers that her nipples have migrated to the underside of her breasts.

Dubrow explains in a TH, "We don't really know what's in there, and if we start opening Rajee up and let loose Pandora's box, we could activate an inflammatory process that could result in a really bad super-infection, and she could die." He tells her that her only option for fixing her breasts is a double mastectomy, and says that as long as she's not experiencing medical issues with her breasts the way they are, he and Nassif recommend that she just leave them alone. Rajee is horrified by the idea of losing her womanhood, so she decides against surgery. So that's...a choice.

How closely does the episode align with its Season 1 format? To the table!

Botched-y Element		Present?
Horrifying Backstory		The worst we get is the story of Cristina's injury: she and her siblings, home from school during "the blizzard of '94," decided to make a homemade candle, as you do (?). When they brought it outside to light it, the wind kept blowing out the flame, so naturally they went into the garage instead, where her brother got the idea to douse it in kerosene because then it would light for sure! He was right, but Cristina's face and hands also caught fire. Now, her father Carlos seems to be very involved in correcting the bad surgery, which I assume is due to his guilt over the fact that it happened because he left his dumb children completely unattended? (The brother who had the great kerosene idea, btw: nowhere to be found in the episode.) But I would call this accident more "unfortunate" than "horrifying," in that it really was these children's parents' fault.
Painting A Word Picture		Rajee: "I woke up one morning to the whole left side of my face feeling like a boil? And all of a sudden, the left side of my face exploded. All this green matter came out and splattered all over the mirror. I mean, it was just oozing out, almost like lava."
Insufficient Blurring		This is what we see literally six seconds after the opening credits: I also refer you to the gif of Rajee's breasts, which we see in their entirety because of the technicality that her nipples are naturally -- or rather unnaturally -- concealed.
Delusional Thinking		New York, before: "I've held back on so many things because I've felt uncomfortable with my breasts. If the doctors are going to give me what I'm looking for, I feel like they could really give me the edge that I need for the next stretch of my career." New York, after: "Having Dr. Nassif and Dr. Dubrow put my physical where my mental is, it's time for me to go to work!" DOING WHAT.
Cringey Surgeon "Banter"		Before New York comes in for her consultation, Dubrow pretends to have watched the show; Nassif pretends he's too busy to have even heard of it.
#TMYK		New York tells the doctors, "I've always been huge-nippled....I was born needing breast implants just to catch up with my nipples." Dubrow says, "That's called a tubular breast: when the areolas are dilated and the breast base is narrow, 'tuber' being a potato."
Totally Real Non-Fake OR "Complications"		Though the plan is to do both New York's rhinoplasty and her breast surgery on the same day, Nassif takes too long getting rib cartilage to reconstruct her nose, so rather than keep her under anethesia too long, Dubrow pushes her breasts (hee) to another day.
Surgical "GAAAAAAH"s		It's possible I'm just jaded at this point, but to me it seems like the camera keeps a respectful distance.
10s 10s Across The Board, When I Step Out They All Applaud		New York's breasts are definitely improved. I personally feel that her nose ends up on the Jackson spectrum of rhinoplasty. Not quite Michael toward the end, but definitely late '80s Janet. But New York is pretty sure her new nose is going to be great for her career, and since I don't know what that career might be, who am I to argue? As for Cristina: the lighting on her before and after 180 smooths out the ridges on her chin. Out in natural light, things look a bit different. But she's thrilled and her parents choke up and it's all pretty sweet.