Broad City Shows You How To Celebrate Victory With Grace And Good Sportsmanship -- Like ALL-CAPS ABBI!

Right from the cold open, it's clear that "Game Day" is a game changer:

ABBI'S A TRAINER! And it only took two years and countless stranger-pubes to get her here! But the thrill of seeing her photo officially hung with her colleagues' is quickly replaced by horror: it's Soulstice Game Day. And Abbi's going to have to get more real with her fellow trainers than she is ready for, as she tries to tell Trey: "I get-- I get a little intense about competition. In high school, people used to call me Tonya Harding." We also learn an even earlier nickname was "All-Caps Abbi," to commemorate the way she SCREAMS IN VICTORY. Trey assures her that it's just about team-building:

While this is bad news for Abbi, it's great news for us, because though she tries to dampen her competitive spirit for the sake of fellowship with her new squad, you can't just close the eye of the tiger. So here, for posterity, is our countdown of Abbi's Soulstice Game Day touchdown dances. Do not try these at your next corporate retreat, unless you also work with a bunch of athletic wackos who will understand your need to be obnoxious in victory.

1. The Air Chest Bump

   Think you can't chest bump without a chest to bump up against?

   

   Wrong!

2. In Your Face

   All-Caps Abbi -- as, we learn, Abbi was called at camp (and woe unto those who had to go up against her in a colour war) -- has no fear: she'll get right up in the face of a much taller, buffer competitor and smack him around.

   

   Let's assume Ilana learned her flawless half nelson technique long ago; I feel like now she'd be calling "rape culture" on wrestling, just generally.

3. Eat My Ass

   There's nothing more important than winning a tug-of-war, and Abbi is right to invite her opponents to eat her ass.

   

   One at a time. Conveniently, they're already lined up.

4. Glaaaaadiator!

   Knocking Gemma off her perch is how Abbi wins the game.

   

   Shaming her is Abbi's reward.

5. Joyful, Joyful!

   Surprise! The most spectacular gloating in the episode isn't Abbi's -- it's Nicole's! When Ilana finally gets herself fired from Deals! Deals! Deals! after tweeting horse porn on the company feed, Nicole can't help responding with jubilation.

   

   Finally: she's too blessed to be stressed. About Ilana. Ever again.