Boyle Ponders A Move To Suburban Ottawa

As Brooklyn Nine-Nine has shown Boyle progressing in just a few weeks through relationship milestones that normally take years or at least months -- he just met Vivian at Holt's birthday party in February, and proposed to her in the very next episode -- those of us who've watched TV before have been wondering what might threaten to break them up. Would Boyle's longtime crush Diaz get jealous enough of Vivian to decide that she likes Boyle That Way after all? Would Boyle go Even More Full Boyle and put Vivian off by getting too into a salsa dancing class and breaking her arm in while dipping her? Would Boyle go Even More Full Boyle and put Vivian off by getting too into a salsa making class and breaking her arm while encouraging her to dip a chip? (Sorry, that was cheap. But admit it: either of those scenarios is equally plausible.) But in the latest episode, we learn that a potential threat to their happiness has presented itself: Vivian's been offered a job. IN CANADA.

Since Boyle is planning to support Vivian in this great career move by retiring from the police force and going with her, it would be one thing if Vivian were moving to a part of Canada that's...at all cool. If the job were in Montreal, Boyle could still enjoy world-class dining and historically significant architecture. If the job were in Toronto, he could just post up on West Queen West for just about the most Brooklyn (meaning: hipster) experience Canada has to offer. If the job were in Vancouver, Boyle could join that city's police force and have no shortage of opportunities to rack up busts among the junkie population alone. (Vancouver: you know it's true.)

But Vivian's job is in Ottawa. In fact, not even Ottawa. The Ottawa suburbs. And she apparently hasn't even tried to make it seem attractive, judging by the way Boyle describes it. At first, he claims, to Peralta, that his life won't change once he moves there: "Suburban Ottawa's great! It has everything Brooklyn does." He then immediately contradicts himself: "Other than my job, and my friends, my family, you, interesting people, museums, restaurants, every other reason that I have to live...." Hardly any cable channels, either!

Naturally, Peralta is not on board with Boyle's decision to give up on his own life to retire in Canada, and encourages Boyle to discuss the matter with Vivian to see if they can reach a compromise. Boyle agrees that Peralta is right, and since he's scared that disagreeing with Vivian on anything will make her dump him, he begs Peralta to raise the issue with her. Peralta, wisely, starts with a very important consideration: pizza. Boyle has a Brooklyn-based pizza blog. Does Canada even have pizza? Vivian indignantly replies that it does: "It's puffy! And it's sweet! It's called Manitoba sauce cake!" As the episode ends, Boyle has managed to have an honest conversation with Vivian about the big move, with the question unresolved, for the moment, but those of us who've seen TV before may have some idea of where we'll be with it by the season finale.

So: let's consider the Canadianitude of the plotline. Boyle is definitely right in his list of complaints about what suburban Ottawa lacks. Ottawa itself is fine? I mean, it's Canada's Washington, DC, with all that that implies. But I have family in the suburbs, and no thank you. "Local charm" is a phrase its residents have literally never used and never will, so the show gets accuracy points for choosing a major city that would have a university for Vivian to teach at and hold zero appeal for...anyone who loves life. However, Manitoba sauce cake is not a thing. It would have been so easy for her to have countered with an actual Ottawa-originating delicacy that is puffy and sweet: the Beaver Tail. (Manitoba has never originated anything. Manitoba: you know it's true.) Therefore, in scoring this episode, I have to average out the righteous slam of suburban Ottawa with the inaccurate joke about Canada's answer to pizza. Come on, Brooklyn Nine-Nine! Canada has pizza! It's just not that good!