MTV
Will Catfish Put Jaylin And Ja'la On Track For A Happy Relationship?
Jaylin's been texting track star Ja'la for three years. Now that she's asked him to move to another state to be with her, maybe they'll actually have their first-ever phone call?
Before we get into it, let's all be grateful Max is back. And since I'm being positive for just a second: before Nev opens his email, there's some preliminary goofing around.
...You all know how I feel about Nev, but that's a pretty decent pratfall. Respect.
Less respect for this disgusting hair grease stain some past commuter left on this budget hotel's desk chair.
Jaylin, a twenty-year-old aspiring videogame developer in Dayton, OH.
Ja'la, a slightly younger college track star, originally of Ohio (a forty-minute drive from where Jaylin lives) but now at school in Wyoming.
In the three years since Ja'la came up in his "People You May Know" on Facebook and, after they connected to each other, exchanged phone numbers and started texting, Jaylin has never gotten Ja'la on the phone, never mind FaceTime. Even when they lived near each other, they never met in person. Though she's sent him photos of herself, they're all the same ones from her Facebook profile.
Jaylin still has a record of one time he and Ja'la might have met in person: she texted him an address, and when he said he'd be there in ten minutes, she told him she'd meet him another day, so: no excuse at all, in that case. When he'd asked her to FaceTime:
None of her secretiveness or letdowns have, however, stopped Jaylin from seriously considering her request that he move to Wyoming to be with her. (Oh dear.)
No sooner have Max and Nev gotten into the car after their initial conversation with Jaylin than they're both agreeing that Ja'la is "a guy" -- and, indeed, that is generally the reason that people refuse to talk on the phone: because their voices would give them away. But they go into the investigation -- which has to take place in Nev's hotel room, I guess because there aren't any cool coffee shops with free wifi in Dayton -- with relatively open minds. ("Open" or "empty": you make the call!)
Things start badly when Jaylin, in the email in which he supplies for Nev all the data he has on her (her phone number and a link to her Facebook profile), doesn't spell Ja'la's name right.
Maybe Jaylin's just wishfully copyediting her name, AN IMPULSE I CERTAINLY UNDERSTAND. But after three years, he should know there's an apostrophe in there. He also says only that she lives "somewhere in Wyoming," so: shades of McKenna.
Nev starts with her number, but when nothing comes up on Spokeo, he calls it "a dead number." That's a funny way to describe a number that's actually been "wisely scrubbed from the internet," but okay. Over to Facebook, where Nev notes that some of her midriff-baring selfies show her with two tattoos at her waist, while others only have one; that she's posting them in non-chronological order is suggestive that "she" stole them from somewhere and isn't being very attentive in her use of them.
Max then notices that her username on Facebook is slightly different from her real name, and they decide to search that, immediately finding a Twitter feed, but it's basically abandoned but directs its six followers to a (since disabled) (or created just for the show) @PuffThatShit. Over there, Ja'la has harsh words for her "haters," and declares, "I'm more popular than a condom!" "That doesn't seem like the personality of the girl Jaylin's talked to," says Nev. "This is a ratchet girl," Max confidently concurs. Clearly, these two are wasting their time on this show when they SHOULD be putting these gifts to use as profilers for the FBI!
Then Max gets the idea of searching Ja'la, Wyoming, and track, and they immediately land on a roster of the University of Wyoming's women's track team, with team members full names and hometowns: the Ja'la who's on this team has the same last name Jaylin knows, and is from Dayton; they find photos of her from track competitions, and when they search one, it comes up on an Instagram feed for someone who sure looks like the Ja'la Jaylin knows. A lot of the photos are ones they've seen on the Facebook page to which Jaylin's connected. "This is where they're stealing the pictures from," Max declares. Among them? Shots of Ja'la and a guy who sure seems to be her boyfriend, and of their matching tattoos. And some are from August, which is apparently not long before filming. "It looks like we found the real girl's Instagram page," says Nev. "And that her real name is Ja'la." "This seems like her real page," Max agrees.
Nev summarizes: they know Ja'la is real; the real girl seems to have a boyfriend; and none of it proves the real Ja'la is the person Jaylin's been talking to.
Driving over to Jaylin's to tell him about it, Max is standing firm on the opposite-sex voice theory, which he says has "never failed" them. If you've watched TV before, you may have already guessed what it means that they keep showing Max's insistence on this fact, OR SHOULD I SAY "FACT."
Anyway, when they get back to Jaylin's, they meet his friend J.P., with whom Jaylin's developing a videogame. Before taking Jaylin aside to walk him through their research, they ask what he thinks Ja'la's deal is. J.P. doesn't hesitate for a second before offering his assessment:
hee hee. Since he's already pretty sure Ja'la is hiding something big, he's not thrilled to find out for the very first time FROM NEV that Jaylin is mulling a move to "somewhere" in Wyoming to be with a girl who's never been arsed to pick up when he calls her, since that would almost certainly spell doom for the videogame project. (And for his part, Jaylin doesn't seem especially pleased that Nev has nominated himself the one to mention this possibility to J.P.) Jaylin says he loves Ja'la, but J.P. counters that he's never heard Jaylin say that he loves anybody. "I can still do, like, beta testing from where I'm at," Jaylin offers lamely, which is really all the proof J.P. needs that he might as well end his business partnership with this flaky idiot now. Jaylin can only sheepishly say he's only thinking about a move, at this point, and Nev pipes up to say that this conversation might be pointless if Ja'la turns out not to be the person Jaylin thinks she is. GOOD POINT, NEV, AND MAYBE A GOOD REASON YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE EVEN BROUGHT THIS UP IN THE FIRST PLACE.
Anyway, J.P. is then released to go stew about Jaylin's potential treachery while Nev and Max walk Jaylin through what they've uncovered. Except, weirdly, when they reiterate that the salty tweets don't seem to jibe with the Ja'la that Jaylin's been talking to, then it's "likely" that someone's also been faking her Facebook page. But is it, though? If they're both fake, wouldn't they both evince the same fakey persona, not two different ones? If Ja'la's Facebook page makes her seem sweet, then isn't it more likely that someone just stole her photo for the "ratchet" Twitter feed?
Whatever: Jaylin is encouraged by the proof that there really is a Ja'la [Redacted], from Dayton, on the University of Wyoming track team...and less encouraged by the Instagram proof that she has a boyfriend.
That there possibly could be another dude in the picture for Ja'la is something she never mentioned to Jaylin, obviously. But before he can get too destroyed by this revelation, Max decides to throw another upsetting possibility at him -- that this time, as in "9.9 times out of ten," the reason Jaylin's beloved won't talk to him on the phone is that "she" is not a woman. Either way, they're at the point where they need to try to set up a meeting -- and Nev, by the way, is already referring to Ja'la as "this person" of whom they need to find if "they" want to meet Jaylin. "What other choice do I have at this point?" says Jaylin defeatedly.
Staying on brand, Ja'la apparently hasn't set up her voicemail on the number Nev calls, so he texts her his usual invitation, along with a photo of himself with Jaylin. Max then recommends that they send a Facebook message to Ja'la as well, after which Nev says, "If this person isn't the girl in the pictures, maybe we should also just try sending a message to the Instagram account that we think is the real girl." So they do that too, Max summarizing, "One of these will be a hit, and one of them will hit the real girl, and one of them will hit the fake girl." Now they just wait to see "if and who gets back to us." Nev and Max take off, I guess leaving Jaylin to get yelled at by J.P. some more.
After midnight, none of the possible Ja'las has responded, so Nev thinks that they should start thinking about eliminating possibilities -- namely, by going to find the real Ja'la, which could potentially rule her out as the person Jaylin's been talking to and thus get them closer to some answers. Since we're watching this, you know that when they float this suggestion to Jaylin -- who hasn't heard from Ja'la since their multimedia blasts went out either -- he agrees, and off to Laramie they go.
Their first morning in Wyoming -- so now almost two full days since Nev contacted Ja'la or Ja'las -- they still haven't gotten a response via any medium, about which Nev conjectures that if all of them are fakes, then the person running them might think she can ignore them. Bro, anyone can ignore you for any reason. A text from Nev doesn't compel a response; it's not a fucking subpoena. But whatever: Jaylin hasn't heard from Ja'la since Nev's volleys either. They decide to try creeping on the Instagram feed -- which is the oldest and therefore possibly most legit profile -- and find a photo from seventeen minutes ago, indicating that she's out at "lunch with bae" and tagged with her location. [Long boring rant about "kids today" and their insufficient consideration for their own privacy deleted.] TO THE BRUNCHERY.
While Max and Jaylin anxiously wait in the parking lot, Nev goes in to see if the girl in the photos is still there and bring her out (the better to allow for filming and minimize the awkwardness). "Either she knows who you are or she has no clue who you are," says Max. Yes...that's pretty much it? Any time any person meets any other person?
Nev successfully finds the Instagram sprinter and brings her out. We already know that hers is the face Jaylin has believed belongs to the girl he loves. But are the track star and Jaylin's online girlfriend, in fact, one and the same?
GUESS MAX IS GOING TO HAVE TO REVIVE HIS STATS ON WHAT IT MEANS WHEN A POTENTIAL ONLINE LIAR WON'T GET ON THE PHONE, but in fairness to him...like, seriously, what is this girl's problem, then? She really is the person Jaylin's been talking to, she says, her voice breaking a little bit. Jaylin is so shocked that Ja'la really is...herself that he can't speak, so Max steps into the breach to ask her...like, WHAT? I mean, she really did ask him to move to Wyoming and start an IRL relationship with him. So why didn't she respond to Nev's text, Facebook message, or Instagram DM so that she could start the process of turning her stated wishes into reality?
Here's the (weird) story. She says that when they started talking, she was still in high school. (Three years ago, Jaylin was seventeen, so presumably he was still in high school too.) She says she didn't think her parents would approve of her seeing Jaylin in real life because he was older and because she "met [him] off the internet"; her father is a "preacher," so he's strict. Jaylin doesn't seem satisfied by the parental excuse, pointing out that she could've "bumped into [him] at a Wal-Mart" or at the very fucking least GOTTEN ON THE PHONE. "I'm busy, I do track, and then I have practice right after school," she explains (but not really). Getting testy, she goes on: "And on top of that I had band practice. On top of that I played volleyball. On top of that I play other sports." Well, (a) if she had time to text, she had time to get on the phone for two minutes, particularly the time they were talking at midnight; she didn't have volleyball then; and (b) cool down the tone, Sketchbook, you're not the wronged party here.
Aw, Nev. You don't always connect with the ball, making a homer like this all the more satisfying. You can tell Ja'la knows she doesn't have an answer for this one that anyone's going to accept as she shifts her weight from one foot to another before finally mumbling, "I was kind of trying to hold off because I wanted to apologize to you. I was in a relationship, so-- And I was still talking to you. And telling you I love you and all that and I had a boyfriend I'm sorry." I really wish they'd brought J.P. for "moral support" (read: to tell Jaylin how annoying and high-maintenance she sounds and that she's clearly not worth their throwing away the work they've done on their videogame so Jaylin could be with her). Max asks whether Ja'la's still with that guy, and she says they broke up. Follow-up on who, then, is the "bae" she said she was having lunch with moments ago? Nope. Follow-up on the timeline of when she asked Jaylin to pull up stakes and move to another state to try to have a real relationship with her, a stranger? Nope. But Jaylin does get to admit that she didn't put photos of herself with her ex, or her relationship status, on her Facebook profile because she was "kinda" trying to hide the other guy from her; and that when she'd given him the address where she was and then immediately told him not to come over, she was at that guy's house.
Ja'la can then start to tell that Jaylin's patience for her bullshit is rapidly running out, so she attempts a classic Angry Flip: "I wasn't even sure if YOU were you! And then I was scared to meet you! So is that WRONG for me to be scared to meet somebody I have never met? I feel it's not!" HOW "SCARED" COULD SHE HAVE BEEN IF SHE TOLD HIM TO MOVE TO WYOMING?! WHY IS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT THAT???!!??!? Jaylin tells her there are any number of ways she could have resolved the situation: "You're a girl, you talk on the phone." "That's disrespectful to my boyfriend," Ja'la whines. Okay, for real: BYE. Now that we've established that Jaylin's not an idiot for believing what has turned out to be the truth about Ja'la, the world can clearly see that she's a fucking nightmare, and that he deserves better. "I'm trying to see you!" she squeals. "I'm seeing you right now!" YOU IGNORED MESSAGES ON THREE DIFFERENT FORMS OF COMMUNICATION TECHNOLOGY THAT WOULD HAVE SET A MEETING WITH THIRD PARTIES THAT WOULD HAVE OBVIATED ANY DANGER THAT HE WOULD TRY TO KIDNAP YOU OR WHATEVER YOU'RE SCARED OF. YOU ARE FULL OF SHIT, JA'LA.
Fucking finally, Max brings up her request that Jaylin move to Wyoming, and she plaintively claims, "I really meant that! I'm older now, I'm out the house, I'm not with my parents. At the end of the day, like, my relationship wasn't working out. I want you to be a part of my life. And I want you to at least accept my apology." Whoops, she just admitted that Jaylin was her backup plan. Jaylin doesn't owe her shit. Jaylin, pretty bitterly, tells her that she could have been honest about her situation and given him the chance to choose whether to be her "side person" while she was seeing this other guy. "You were never a side person to me," says Ja'la. Well, talk is cheap. As Jaylin gets angrier about things he's given up for their relationship these past few years, she starts crying, telling him she cares about him.
Not since Justin have Nev and Max been so disappointed by someone who turned out not to be that much of a liar after all. They're not really saying much, but it's pretty clear they're not feeling Ja'la. "I'm soooooorry!" she burbles, approaching Jaylin with her arms outstretched.
Cue the most grudging, resentful hug in human history, at the end of which Jaylin uses the one hand he had around Ja'la to shove her away as he tells her, "I really want to believe you? But I-- I need to walk away." That sounds pretty final to me, but Max takes over to propose that they stop for the day. "Okay," Ja'la chokes. Shut up, jerk.
Jaylin's calmer the next day, and calls Ja'la himself, arranging to meet her and Logan, the friend she's with, at a park (where nothing good ever happens), and look, I don't want to judge people solely by their looks...
...but this is a picnic table full of nonsense right here. Imagine spending a cross-country flight in a three-seat airplane row with these two next to you. WAIT, IT'S ONLY A HYPOTHETICAL, PLEASE DON'T KILL YOURSELF AT THE MERE IDEA OF IT.
Anyway, Nev opens the floor for Ja'la to (try to) explain herself. She doesn't have much to say. She knew it was wrong to keep talking to Jaylin when she was in a relationship with her IRL boyfriend: "I didn't want to take it the extra extent, 'cause if I was seeing you? That's beyond wrong." Okay but WHERE DOES ASKING HIM TO MOVE STATES FIT IN TO HER MORAL CODE? Jaylin, for his part, looks like he's trying to add up in his head how much time and mental energy he expended on this dingus.
Logan, at this point, decides to try to help: "I think at the end of the day it just comes down to you feeling guilty for being in a relationship and wanting somebody else." "Yeah," Ja'la agrees. Both of you shut up. Max, smash their heads together like the empty coconuts they are.
When everyone else takes off to let Jaylin and Ja'la talk alone, Jaylin is conciliatory, saying he doesn't know what happened the day before other than that he got mad. "So that's not really you," Ja'la says hopefully, trying to catch his eye while he looks past her. He agrees that he's "not the type to get angry easily." Which makes it seem like he flew off the handle and overreacted, which: not the case. He asks what she's thinking, and she offers, "I like you. I care about you. I want to be in a relationship with you, but I feel like you're not on that page right now with me." (Note that even though we heard up top that Jaylin loved Ja'la and told her so, she doesn't say it now.) Jaylin doesn't deny it: he wants "a clean slate," but in order for him to trust her, he'd like her to be more open. She says she feels like he's judging her by her "past actions" (...is he supposed to judge her on her future actions?), but that she's older and more mature now and wants to show him that she's serious with him. Okay, but ignoring all the messages about meeting Jaylin happened...yesterday. So unless she's trying to say she really grew up overnight, even her most recent "past actions" don't exactly make her look good. Jaylin says he can't promise that his feelings for her will get back to where they were right away, but that he's "willing to see where things go," adding, "The love I have for you is completely real, 100%." JAYLIN, NO. "So make it official," she challenges, while he's still talking. "Move out here!" Jaylin tries to express his VERY LEGITIMATE hesitancy about that, to which she squeaks, "LOOK, I'M CUUUUUUUUTE!" If you didn't watch the episode, I realize that might read like a joke I'm making about the subtext of what she says. But no, in actuality, that's what she says. Loudly. And she is, physically, but her personality is not nearly as cute as she clearly thinks it is. "LOOK!" she exhorts him.
Yes, Jaylin. Look. Look at what she's going to be like for the rest of her life if you let this routine work on you. For the sake of womanhood, please don't.
Jaylin tries to explain that he has his career in mind and doesn't know what opportunities there would be for him in Laramie, and Ja'la decides to take maybe for an answer and says that if a long-distance relationship doesn't work, they can "figure something out." Ugh, fine. But only because I'm pretty sure that once Jaylin gets home and tells J.P. the story, J.P. will murder him before he lets a move happen.
There is a better hug this time, and Jaylin and Ja'la hold hands back to the car, flirting all the while. Barf.
Two months later: Jaylin says the game will be done soon; he and J.P. are still working together and on good terms. As for Ja'la: things were going well between them until she added him on Snapchat, and her history there made it look like she was fooling around with some other dude. She denied that anything untoward was going on, but Jaylin decided he wasn't interested in being with an attention junkie like her. Thank god.
When Max and Nev talk to Ja'la, she once again denies that she was seeing anyone at school, but doesn't seem that hopeful that she will be able to rekindle something with Jaylin. Thank god.
Don't keep communicating with someone who won't at the very least get on the phone. That said: apparently there are exceptions to Max's "girl/boyfriend who won't get on the phone is not the sex she/he claims to be" rule. Someone who semi-cheated with you will semi-cheat on you. Ja'la doesn't actually know what "mature" means.