Casting For The Couples Therapy Couch

This commentator was pretty thrilled yesterday to get a press release from VH1 announcing the renewal of Couples Therapy. While the latest season was kind of a snooze, this is the show that has given us an inside look at the relationships of the likes of Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison, and treated Farrah Abraham as a solo project: it's a significant document of our time and I'm glad VH1 recognizes its significant cultural import.

I was even more thrilled to see that, since the show isn't set to return to TV until fall, the casting is apparently still up for grabs. To quote the press release: "VH1 wants to know who YOU would like to see on the couch with Dr. Jenn by encouraging fans to tweet their couples of choice to @CouplesTherapy using the hashtag #CouplesTherapy." Handle and hashtag redundancy aside, I am pleased to see VH1 including the viewer in the therapeutic process, and as a responsible citizen, I have (with the help of my esteemed colleague Sarah D. Bunting) assembled the list VH1 should use to cast Season 6. I've even organized it by degree of difficulty. No need to thank me: we're all pulling together to save some marriages!

Probably Too Famous To Do It

Matt Lauer & Annette Roque: The Today host has been in a "pushing over the refrigerator" situation with his ex-Victoria's Secret model wife for the better part of a decade, but papers were finally filed last year (sparking rumours that widely alleged philanderer Lauer was attached to Today contributor Giada de Laurentiis, whose husband also filed for divorce in 2014). But come on, are we ready to give up hope on America's Morning Dad and his stunning bride? Even if we are...that's a guy we need to see smashing up a chiffarobe with a sledgehammer, like, yesterday.

Justin Bieber & Selena Gomez: They try and try, but they just can't stay quit. And given recent events, maybe he would welcome the chance to "accidentally" get his whole body "caught" on CT's bedroom surveillance camera.

David Duchovny & Téa Leoni: They're legally off again...for now. But now she has a primetime show again and he's just about to: wouldn't this be the perfect time for them to get double headlines again by trying to reconcile?

Robin Thicke & Paula Patton: He wrote a whole album about her. Just because it flopped doesn't mean she might not grant that they still have unfinished business.

Sarah Michelle Gellar & Freddie Prinze Jr.: Sure, they seem like they're having a perfectly fine marriage of exceptional longevity for showbiz, but maybe if they shared some of their secret pain (real or fake), they could parlay that fame boost into a nice TV Land sitcom they could do together!

Tim Burton & Helena Bonham Carter: I think we are all dying to know what they fought about, and how often the subject was who used up all the kohl eyeliner.

John Mayer: I'm not saying the show ever necessarily needs to repeat the Farrah Abraham experiment, but if it does...THIS GUY.

Possibly Just D-List Enough To Do It

Kourtney Kardashian & Scott Disick: Until E! catches its snap and figures out that its next Keeping Up With The Kardashians spinoff should be about ALL the Kardashian women -- including Kris -- taking their mens to couples therapy, Kourtney and Scott could probably really benefit from treatment with Jenn (and even if they don't, I need to see more of what makes that guy tick).

Jesse James & Kat Von D: Sure, it's been a while since they've been together, but it's also been a while since either of them was any kind of famous. They could be this season's Dick and Stephanie: pretending to work on their "friendship" so that they can get in front of some cameras again.

Andi Dorfman & Josh Murray & Nick Viall: Is Nick "Fiancée-Type Stuff" Viall ultimately the reason Andi and Josh are splitsies, and if so, don't all three of them need Dr. Jenn to help give them three-way closure?

Pamela Anderson & Tommy Lee & Rick Salomon: "Why not, she married and divorced them each twice." - Sarah. I mean, exactly? Plus you know she'd be the one to get the crappy basement room and throw a shit fit about it this season.

Already Packed And Waiting For Your Call

Leah & Jeremy Calvert: Rumours of their breakup date all the way back to two and a half years ago, but in 2014 it started to seem like it might actually happen. That VH1 and MTV are cousins has meant that several Teen Mom alumnae have done their time in the therapy house; this is not as much a suggestion as a mortal lock of a prediction -- like, there's just no way they don't do the show this season, right?

Kandi Burruss & Todd Tucker: Real Housewives have also found a haven in Couples Therapy, though never one from Atlanta. Kandi and Todd seem to be doing okay (unlike some Apollos we could mention), but they could probably gin up some angst about her ongoing issues with her mom and the strain they put on Kandi and Todd's marriage or whatever. Really, this would just be about getting her in the house to judge the other patients.

Joe Francis & Abbey Wilson: They have already done one tour of duty on the show -- and were even more love-to-hate-able than Dourtney, if you can believe it, but they just had twins. They could probably use a tune-up, if only so that we can all find out how accurate this has been.