Scenes From The Next Twelve Months Of Joe Francis's Life As He Becomes A Father
Yes. It spawned.
Our Players
Hello, I'm Joe Francis.
Hello, I'm Abbey Wilson.
The Scenes
Hey babe.
What.
How much weight have you put on?
What?
I'm just filling out a form.
What form?
Don't worry about it.
YOU don't worry about it.
Like...what. Like seven pounds?
I'm pregnant with twins, Joe.
Eight?
...
Well, whatever! Ten?
Fine, I weighed myself this morning, and it turns out I've gained five hundred pounds.
Very funny. Just keep an eye on that.
I have an eating disorder and I'm pregnant with twins, Joe.
Okay, but after the babies come, do you want to be on the cover of Us Weekly for getting your bikini body back fast, or because some pap gets a picture of you looking gross with guacamole on your face?
I'd rather not be on the cover of Us Weekly at all.
Very funny.
...
Twelve pounds?
Later...
What do you think of Melanie?
Melanie who?
As a baby name.
Melanie's a slut name. I knew a real slutty Melanie once.
Every name's a slutty name to you.
Haha! Well, you got me there!
Later...
Are you going to come to Lamaze class with me?
When?
Thursday night.
Shannon Elizabeth's launch party for her pet toy line's that night.
Later...
Oh my God!
What?
I think my water just broke!
Jesus, Abbey! These sheets are Sferra!
Later...
What's wrong with it?
With "it"? "It" what?
Why is this one crying all the time?
Her name is Vanessa.
Is that locked in, by the way?
Our child's name? Yes. It's locked in.
Don't talk to me like that.
How am I supposed to answer?
Well, people change shelter dogs' names all the time when they adopt them. Remember Wilmer's dog? It was Shakti or some shit when he got it; now it's Burt Reynolds, it's totally badass.
Are you saying you want to change our daughter's name to Burt Reynolds?
Just make it stop crying.
You could try picking her up.
What if she poops on me?
She has a diaper on, but whatever, it does happen. It's going to happen eventually.
Tell her she needs to have a little self-control.
So you're not going to pick her up right now.
In a second, I just have to answer this text from Mike Boogie real quick.
Later...
What's this one's name again?
Are you serious?
Okay, I know, not great, but you don't have to be shitty about it.
That's your daughter, Elyse.
Not that one, this one.
VANESSA.
God, I can't believe you talked me into that one.
I didn't talk you into anything! I had to put something on her birth certificate because you hadn't gotten back from Nick Carter's boat party yet!
I'm still mad about that, by the way. That party was sick and you made me leave.
I'm sorry, I couldn't find a cab that could fit two infant car seats.
Did you even try Uber?
Later...
Are you going to the gym today?
What?
The gym.
I'm on about three hours' sleep, Joe.
So take a nap when you get back.
I see. And if I go, you're going to take care of the girls?
There's a day care at the gym.
What are you doing today?
Back facial.