Ranking The Relationship Moments Of Doctor Thorne's Second Episode, From Platonic Pals To A Putrid Proposal

I'll give this to Doctor Thorne: events occur in Episode 2 that I was sure were going to get strung along much longer: even a plot-burner like Scandal knows you delay the big election until the season finale -- if you even do it then! But as one towering character takes his exit, he's replaced by...well, a real piece of shit I'm looking forward to hating until such time as someone murders him, though I can't imagine that's going to take long either.

Since all the big plot events seem to turn on interactions between pairs of characters, let's count them down from "aw!" to "AUGH."

1. Mary & Scatcherd

   Scatcherd barely gets a chance to enjoy beating Mr. Moffat in the election -- by two whole votes! -- before he starts dying for real. But first, he tells Doctor Thorne he's added a codicil to his will stating that only Doctor Thorne knows the identity of Scatcherd's daughter's oldest child -- you know, the one who'll inherit Scatcherd's estate in the event of the death of Scatcherd's son Louis. Scatcherd just wishes he could have met her once before his death, and since, I guess, only the three of them are present and Scatcherd is close enough to death for it not to matter, Doctor Thorne decides to give Scatcherd his dying wish, calling Mary over so that Scatcherd can shake her hand and call her an angel.

   

   So, a few things. One, keeping big secrets is apparently so expected that Scatcherd stays cool and doesn't say anything to Mary about their relationship. But also, two, Scatcherd knew that Doctor Thorne's brother was the one who'd fornicated with Scatcherd's sister. And Doctor Thorne told him in the series premiere that the baby they conceived had not died. Scatcherd's drunk but he's not dumb: he didn't...already put it together that Mary was his niece too?

   Whatever: This Big Secret is still a secret to half the people involved, and now that we've met Louis -- of whom more below -- we have even more reason to wish for his untimely death beyond the boom it would be to Mary's finances.

2. Miss Dunstable & Frank

   Miss Dunstable is in England to collect proposals and have as good a time as a single lady is allowed to in Victorian times. Frank is cute and his circumstances pretty desperate, so he's certainly a more attractive prospect than either of the other two knobs -- Mr. Moffat and Lord Porlock -- who've tried to lock down Miss Dunstable and all her American cash.

   

   But Miss Dunstable knows quite well that Frank doesn't want to marry her, because he's in love with Mary. When he tells her that Countess de Courcy is watching him with the expectation that he's proposing to Miss Dunstable right now, Miss Dunstable suggests that he just tell the Countess that he did, and that she refused him: "But do not propose to me or anyone else but Miss Thorne." "I fear I may be avoiding my duty," says Frank sincerely. "That is noble but wrong," says Miss Dunstable. "Your duty is to your Queen. And your God, I hope. Not to keeping your family in luxury. Your back is straight, your arms are strong. Make what you can of your life, for yourself and Miss Thorne." No one else in Frank's life is giving him advice like this, including Mary herself, so it's nice that Frank has made a friend -- particularly one who seems like, if Frank wasn't already into someone else, she would be all about him. Very selfless, Miss Dunstable!

3. Doctor Thorne & Miss Dunstable

   Doctor Thorne's just gotten the offensive lowdown on Miss Dunstable from Lady Arabella (see below) when he is introduced to the lady herself in the village right before Mr. Moffat's doomed campaign speech.

   

   ...Am I the only one who's seeing a vibe between these two?! I know it's not much but sometimes that's all you get in these old-timey shows before people are declaring their love!

4. Lady Arabella & Doctor Thorne

   Look, Lady Arabella isn't a money-grubbing monster who's willing to sacrifice her son's happiness because of her own husband's financial recklessness: she just wants to sit Doctor Thorne down and make sure he agrees with her that even if Frank proposed to marry, he totes didn't mean it and shouldn't be expected to honour it!

   

   Naturally, Doctor Thorne his horrified that Lady Arabella would impugn Mary's character and say, pretty much straight up, that she doesn't think Mary's good enough for her son to marry and maybe tried to trap him, so when Lady Arabella's like, you'll still help my stupid husband out getting good credit terms from Scatcherd, right?, Doctor Thorne's like, NAW. (Since I feel pretty certain we're headed for Frank and Mary not just getting married but doing so with his parents' approval, I appreciate that we also get a scene of Mr. Gresham telling Mary how highly he regards her, so we know when it happens that she's not marrying into a family that's 100% assholes.)

5. Louis & Mary

   Edward Franklin is so fully committed to his portrayal of human trash fire Louis Scatcherd that I had to Google image-search him to reassure myself that he isn't just...that guy. (Verdict: he's not, THANK GOD.) But Louis breezes into the story being offensive in every way -- bringing brandy for his father, who's in the process of dying of some kind of drink-related illness; storming into the bedroom where everyone but him has spent the night keeping vigil, and having zero reaction to discovering his father has died in the night; refusing to stay at his parents' estate for the sake of his grieving mother, preferring for his inheritance to be sent to him in London -- that of course we all know he's going to end up turning his greasy smarm ray toward the saintly Mary.

   

   When Louis kicks his mother out of what he's now claiming as his room and Mary tells him it's "not quite right" for them to be alone together, Louis tells this woman he barely knows, "I want us to be alone together for-- for the rest of our lives. If you take my meaning." His attempt at a winning smile is, like everything else about him, creepy as hell, and when Mary attempts to get out of it with some grace by telling him she's "flattered," he immediately tries to correct her: "Don't say 'flattered,' say-- Say 'delighted.'" She tells him as gently as possible that while she's not engaged, she's not free either, he turns on her: "You have led me on, Miss Thorne. And you have led me on most wickedly." By...being a woman...living in his house to offer care to his bereaved mother since he was incapable of doing that himself? How dare she! And hey, who knew this turd had a fictional Victorian ancestor?