Can Downton Abbey's Grand Finale Deliver Happy Endings Even To Its Poutiest Patricians?

Bit Early For Manopause....

Alert Type: Low-Grade Depression Alert.

Issue: Mary is concerned that Henry has been kind of mopey lately (though when she initially comes to check on him, I suspect he possibly just wants to escape the boring conversation about Edith's decision to enroll Marigold in school in London and start living there full-time while everyone else dodges Isobel's question about whether Marigold has "any relations who ought to be kept informed").

Complicating Factors: One of Mary's main objections to getting serious about Henry was that she's so much more richer and fancier than he is, and now it's starting to seem like she was right: Henry starts telling not just Mary but her sister and brother-in-law that with driving having lost its appeal after Charlie's fiery death, he needs to find something else to do so that he can be "a worthy husband."

Resolution: Tom and Henry secretly scheme offscreen and then surprise Mary with the result: they've opened a car dealership in town! Or, as Mary puts it:

Okay, yes, that's the scope of it NOW. But obviously they want to grow and eventually get into car manufacturing. Despite her slightly dismissive encapsulation, Mary actually thinks it's great: "I'm as proud as anyone living!" And that's not all!

Spoiler: Henry put a baby in Mary.

The World's Got, Like, Ninety Or So Minutes' Worth Of Changing Left To Do

OMG you guys, Anna's showing!

And there's already a succession plan in place: Baxter will take over her duties once she's too incapacitated to stand around doing Mary's hair and polishing Mary's boots and absorbing Mary's (admittedly rare) abuse -- basically, all the stuff that requires Anna to be on her feet. Carson -- shock of shocks -- is aghast that "a woman in her condition is working as a lady's maid." Mrs. Hughes gently chaffs him about it, and he accepts the note, downgrading his horror to "not what [he's] used to." Mrs. Hughes points out that lady's maids never got married before the War. "And this is the future," grumbles Carson. "If you're really asking, I think the future is no lady's maids at all," says Mrs. Hughes, "but we haven't quite got there." If this dumb world hadn't continued changing, maybe I'd have a broad to live in my house and get all the toothpaste grit stains off my hoodies!

Shake It Off

Alert Type: Tremor Alert.

Issue: Carson's pouring wine at dinner when his hand starts shaking so badly that he spills a lot of it on the tablecloth. (The Crawleys are pretty "whatever" about it -- I assume there's a whole wing of that joint that's just floor-to-ceiling tablecloths, doilies, and hand-embroidered antimacassars -- but Carson is very embarrassed and upset.)

Complicating Factors: This wasn't an isolated incident, and after Mrs. Hughes observes Carson's hands shaking uncontrollably several more times, he finally confesses. According to him, they don't need to see a doctor because it's an inherited condition, though one that doesn't have a name. (Parkinson's had been named by this point in history, but maybe it hadn't made it to the hospital in the village yet, or maybe it's something else.) It ended both his father's and grandfather's careers, Carson says, so he'd rather keep quiet about this as long as he can.

Resolution: Finally, a dinner comes when Lord G asks Carson for more claret and Carson dodges by asking Andy to do it. Mary puts this together with another incident that had occurred when Cora and Lord G were away, and when she and Lord G go downstairs to check on Carson, he tells them everything and gives his notice on the spot, promising to interview replacements himself and leave the house in hands he trusts. "This is very drastic," says Lord G. "But you'll stay in our lives, Carson!" says Mary. "You'll stay on the estate! Keep a seeing eye on things -- help manage grand events, and so on?" "I would like to say yes to that, Milady," Carson replies, "but I doubt that the new butler would accept the job under such terms. I know that I wouldn't."

Spoiler: One new butler might!

Give Me Her Answer, Do

Andy waits for a quiet moment when Daisy's not in the kitchen (reading Mater Jones magazine while eating her nut loaf lunch, probably) to pose an important question to Mrs. Patmore:

After evasively saying that Daisy is focused on her studies (uh, her exams are over, is she trying to get into Cambridge now?), Mrs. Patmore goes ahead and puts all Daisy's business on front street: she's had her heart broken a few times. Andy asks if he has a chance with her, and Mrs. Patmore is wishy-washy: "Everyone has a chance, don't they, if you do a bit of wooing?" Andy thinks that means Mrs. Patmore doesn't think he's good enough for Daisy, AS IF -- even Mrs. Patmore knows she's a drag and she's Daisy's best friend! "Oh, get away with you!" she laughs, shooing away both Andy and his insecurities. But once he's gone...

I can't support this plotline at all. Daisy doesn't deserve love. She should live under a table in the kitchen with her mouth sewn shut. DEATH TO DAISY.

Thomas Got A New Job

After weeks of talking about it, Thomas has finally landed a new butler job at another home in York. He's still obviously not leaving by choice -- he's been hearing the clock ticking in his ear all season since Carson keeps holding it up to his ear -- but in light of Thomas's suicide attempt, not even Carson can gloat about it, instead saying, "I'm glad your efforts have paid off, Mr. Barrow. You deserve it." Classy, even if 80% insincere.

Spratt Needs A Room Of One's Own

Who called the meeting? Edith.

What's it about? On her way to London with Henry, she stops off at the Dower House to chat with "Cassandra Jones" about "her" advice column.

How'd it go? Swimmingly for the actual participants: Spratt's column is such a hit that Edith and Miss Edmunds want to expand it to a full page, so Edith's seeing if Spratt can handle it; he says he thinks he can. Areas he should focus on, she says, include "dressing for town and country in autumn." "I'm full of ideas when it comes to combining comfort and elegance, Milady." Tell me all your thoughts on hoodies, bro!

The only negative for the meeting is that Denker is eavesdropping on the whole thing. FUCKING DENKER. How did she even make it to the series finale???!??!??!?!?

A Bloody Shame

Though Isobel is still maintaining her boundaries with regard to Lord Merton's shitty son and (now, apparently) daughter-in-law Amelia, she still has affectionate feelings for Lord Merton, so she's gone to see him and find out how his visit with Larry and the former Miss Cruikshank went. Lord Merton says he's been holding back the whole story because he didn't want to bother Isobel, but he's been having some health problems lately -- fatigue, a sore tongue, "tingling" -- so Amelia sent him to a doctor, and it seems he has anemia. Isobel cheerfully says that's not very serious...so Lord Merton has to tell her it's pernicious anemia, which is nbd now but which, at the time, was generally fatal. (Or was treated by making sufferers ingest "large amounts of raw liver," which, the living probably envied the dead?) Isobel's face betrays her horror:

Lord Merton, who's had more time to get used to this diagnosis, tries to be sunny in the face of his distress, but adds, "I should like to have been married to you, but no man can have everything, and at least we're friends again." "Oh yes," Isobel agrees. "We're friends again." Friends 'til the end! Which might be next week. (But probably not, since...series finale.)

The Blow Dryer!

It doesn't matter that Lady Mary hardly has any hair to style: if there's a new contraption to keep it looking its very smoothest, her lady's maid is going to get that shit with a quickness!

All Together Now

Who's on a date? Edith and Rosamund.

Where has he taken her? When you're trying to smooth over feelings hurt by the shock of a secret love child, you better pick the fanciest place you can, and Bertie has: he's arranged to meet Edith at The Ritz. You know when people sarcastically say some crappy place is "not exactly The Ritz"? This is what they're referring to. It's the Einstein of nice restaurants.

Are things headed in a horizontal direction? Hold up, these two have to reconcile in a platonic way first! First, Bertie reveals that this meeting was brokered by none other than Mary, the architect of their destruction in the last episode; the Dowager C's remarks about what a waste it is for Bertie to have thrown away the relationship gave her the idea to make the reservation and get Rosamund to play along, since they didn't think Edith would come if she knew Bertie was going to be waiting for her. "THEY WERE RIGHT THERE," Edith basically yells, chill-free as usual. As Bertie orders champagne, Edith continues being shocked that this is even happening after Bertie broke her heart -- not that she blames him, but...you know, still -- but Bertie gets right to the point: "I want you back." "Nothing's changed," she tells him. "I've changed," he immediately replies. Edith reminds him that she still has Marigold, and he still has his status-conscious mother (I might have added part of that), but apparently he never told said mother that he and Edith broke up: "Would you believe me if I said I couldn't live without you?" Edith uncharitably says he has been, but Bertie tells her he's been sucking at it. Edith impatiently snaps, "I don't understand what you want of me. What are you asking?" "I want you to marry me," he replies. Edith:

Bertie will do it whenever Edith chooses, but that's what he wants. Edith cautiously asks whether, should she accept, they'd tell his mother the truth about Marigold, and to his credit, Bertie is honest about wanting to fudge that one: "Let me put it this way -- if we tell her, we'll have to break with her. I'd prefer not do that." Edith tells him that even if they don't tell his mother, people do know, so there could be gossip; is Bertie ready for that? He'd like to avoid it, but he's prepared to deal with it if they can't: "The only thing I'm not ready for is a life without you."

I mean, honestly, not even Julian Fellowes could have let the series end on Edith being completely despondent and beyond help AGAIN. This poor broad's been through it, and we probably all assumed this was going to happen. But it's still nice to see her standing up for herself as much as she can, and that the man she loves is willing to brave the scandal because he digs her mucho. Like, I don't see it? Of all the Crawley sisters, she's kind of the crappiest one -- by far the crappiest if you ask Mrs. Drewe? But what the hell. Let the pot have its lid. It's Christmas.

You Betta Not Work

Alert Type: Having It All Alert.

Issue: Lord G comes up to the bedroom from a late-night phone call from Edith. Cora has a lot more restraint than I do if she didn't go down with him, but she's apparently spent the time alone working on some pretty good guesses/burns: "She's pregnant again? ...She's been arrested for treason." Lord G is thrilled to tell her that Edith and Bertie's engagement is back on, and that they've been invited to Brancaster to meet the redoubtable Mrs. Pelham, so everything is proceeding exactly as it should! Except...

Complicating Factors: ...except Cora has a meeting at the hospital the morning they would be heading out. Lord G puts his foot down and insists that Cora blow it off in favour of meeting Edith's mother-in-law-to-be, petulantly adding, "This is your second child, who's hardly known a day's happiness in the last ten years!" She agrees, but this isn't over: later on, she has another hospital obligation in the middle of the planning of a big event at Downton and even though no one else cares -- there are, after all, about five hundred hands to do whatever work ever happens there -- Lord G throws a hissy about it.

Resolution: Rose, returned from America (more on her later), tricks Lord G into coming into town with her and watching Cora run the meeting -- the purpose of which is to educate the villagers about the merger and answer their questions about what it will mean to them -- with grace, ease, and poise.

Rose tells Lord G that he has a wonderful marriage -- given the one she came from, she reminds him, she should know -- and that he shouldn't put it at risk with his pettiness. Lord G also sees, at last, that Cora's job is actually important and that she's good at it and derives a lot of satisfaction from it, so maybe he should quit being such a whiny bitch about it.

Spoiler: It's the series finale. He's not going to get a chance to change his mind back.

I Got All My Sister With Me

Poor Isobel takes the sad news about Lord Merton's probable death sentence to the Dowager C; in an extremely un-English fashion, Isobel confesses that she's terribly upset about it and keeps bursting into tears. "Well, of course you do -- why wouldn't you, when you're in love with him!" says the Dowager C -- because, just like last time with Mary, she's old and she doesn't have time to pussyfoot around when people around her need help facing the truth. "Am I?" murmurs Isobel. "That phrase conjures up for me dance cards and stolen kisses and Mama waiting below in a carriage, not two old fuddy-duddies who can barely manage the stairs." But the Dowager C won't let her get away with her own internalized ageism:

They're really letting the Dowager C end the series as its own in-house Nicholas Sparks, huh! Anyway, Isobel admits that she regrets having turned down Lord Merton's marriage proposal, and asks the Dowager C whether she ever fell in love again after Prince Kuragin. Kind of a rude question given that the Dowager C went on to stay married to her HUSBAND for many more years after that until he died, but the Dowager C doesn't point that out, instead sniffing, "You must know by now, I never answer any question more incriminating than whether or not I need a rug." God, I'm going to miss this crusty old bag.

I Also Got All My Sister With Me

Baxter's just finished telling Molesley she's decided not to see Peter Coyle again -- okay, cool, glad the show brought up the possibility only never to introduce us to him or have this story stub go LITERALLY ANYWHERE AT ALL -- when she finds herself in a quiet moment with Thomas before she and Bates head off to Brancaster with Cora and Lord G. Having been there earlier when he found his rescuers in the boot room and thanked him for saving his life, promising to make their efforts mean something by being less of a shithead at his next job, Baxter tells Thomas she thinks he's got the right idea: "Be strong in your new resolution and I know you'll be happier." "You had faith in me when I had none in myself, and I'm grateful," says Thomas.

Not even reliable scold Bates can come upon this scene and maintain his usual judgment, telling Thomas, "I'd say I'd rather we part as friends than enemies," and warmly shaking his hand. Good lord, Bates, you're going to drown Thomas with your blubbering! The toffs say goodbye to Thomas too, since he'll have left for his new job when they come back, but their expressions of gratitude and well wishes are less notable for being ingrained in them by birth and training.

Lord G's going to miss seeing his puppy for three days far more than he's going to miss seeing Thomas for the rest of his life AND RIGHTLY SO.

The Mother Of All Mothers

The Moral Minority

Situation: Mrs. Pelham is very, very serious about Bertie cleaning the name "Lord Hexham" of the taint his immediate predecessor left on it as someone who "led a life that was not entirely--" UH HUH GOT IT.

What makes it awkward? Everyone in the room knows that Bertie's fiancée is not just a fallen woman but one who's raising the product of said fall -- everyone, that is, except Mrs. Pelham.

How is order restored? Instead of giving any whiff of Edith's scandal, everyone just keeps letting Mrs. Pelham hint around about the nature of the dead Lord Hexham's predilections -- "his morality was not what I would call reassuring" this; "those visits to Tangier" that -- but this isn't over.

Amelia vs. Isobel

Lord Merton and Isobel are leaving an appointment with Dr. Clarkson -- who, sadly, has confirmed Lord Merton's diagnosis of pernicious anemia -- when Isobel firmly states, "I wanted to be sure, and now we are, we can decide how to deal with it." Lord Merton's all, "'We'?," and Isobel's like, "Well, you don't think I'm going to let you go through this alone, do you?" Just as it seems like these two adults are about to have a real conversation about their relationship, here comes fucking Amelia, who checked with about ten people in order to track them down. Amelia briskly declares that they already know Lord Merton's diagnosis and that there's no need to "burden" Isobel with Lord Merton's health problems, ordering the driver to load Lord Merton into the car. Once he's out of earshot, she hisses at Isobel, "Leave us alone, Mrs. Crawley. Just leave us alone, that's all I ask." But now that the situation is actually serious and an actual life is involved, Isobel's not ready to back down: "It's a great deal. Of course, when you thought you were going to be saddled with him for years, I was a necessary evil. But now that he--" "Heavens, is that the time? GOOD DAY, MRS. CRAWLEY," snaps Amelia. OOOOOH!

Winner: Amelia, for now.

Goodbye To All Them

And now it's time for Thomas to leave Downton Abbey for his new job. Mrs. Patmore wishes him well. Mrs. Hughes demands a kiss. Anna tells him to get his new co-workers on his side. Even Carson finds something kind to say:

Thomas takes this complimish in the spirit in which it's intended, telling Carson he learned a lot from him and that he's grateful. I guess Andy's gotten over his homophobia because right in front of everyone, he shakes Thomas's hand. Mary brings down Sybbie and George to say goodbye, the latter moping, "Please don't go."

OH COME ON NOW, THAT'S DIRTY POOL.

And then that's basically it.

Baby Baby Baby Baby Oh Baby

Who called the meeting? Edith.

What's it about? HER SECRET.

How'd it go? Even though Lord G had taken her aside and specifically told her, "Don't make your life more difficult than it needs to be," she's decided that she can't in good conscience enter into marriage with Bertie without being honest with Mrs. Pelham about her past -- and Bertie doesn't even know she's doing it. "You'd better begin," says Mrs. Pelham. But to answer the question: we don't know how it goes because then, in classic Downton style, WE CUT AWAY. LAME.

Cheap Marks The Spot

Handy Andy

Daisy's spent most of the episode to this point being dismissive if not outright hostile to Andy and his attempts to forge a human connection with her.

SEEING HIM ALL HANDY AND SWEATY UP ON MR. MASON'S ROOF MAKES HER THINK SHE'S MAYBE BEEN A LITTLE HASTY. After some talk about Daisy moving into Mr. Mason's house, as they've discussed in the past, and Andy excusing himself, moping, "Daisy's come to talk to you, not me, as I know well enough," Mr. Mason says he hopes Daisy and Andy haven't fallen out. "We haven't fallen out exactly," says Daisy. "We just didn't quite fall in, not in the way I liked." Mr. Mason gets it and gives Daisy a look, murmuring, "You could do worse!" "So everyone keeps saying," Daisy replies. This is certainly true. Daisy is a tiresome pinko.

Dissed And Dismissed

Who called the meeting? Bertie.

What's it about? Edith's SHOCKING DISCLOSURE.

How'd it go? Edith apparently told Bertie, offscreen, about her previous conversation with Mrs. Pelham, which, maybe it would have been interesting to see that exchange too? WE'LL NEVER KNOW. Anyway, Mrs. Pelham wants to know why he didn't tell her about Marigold, and he admits that he wanted to spare her; in fact, he would have never told her, but Edith is tougher than he is: "For me, her story shows only her courage, her decency, her loyalty, and her high regard for truth." Mrs. Pelham replies by reminding Bertie that he has a tough task ahead of him as the Marquess -- one few would envy if they knew very much about it. He needs a wife with "a strength of character and the highest moral probity." Bertie agrees, and says he's chosen accordingly. "But Edith is damaged goods!" Mrs. Pelham exclaims. I know we're supposed to be appalled by how rude and judgmental Mrs. Pelham is, but like, at least she's saying this behind Edith's back, and since a lot of people still consider giving birth out of wedlock to be somewhat scandalous, for Mrs. Pelham even to say she likes Edith after her announcement is probably pretty anachronistic. But whatever: from Bertie's perspective, this meeting could have gone better, but at the same time, it probably went exactly the way he expected it to.

Fox Force Two

Isobel tells the Dowager C about having gone to Lord Merton's house to see him and being turned away at the door by that rotten bitch Amelia. The Dowager C's not having it.

Molesley Digs His Way Out

Who called the meeting? Molesley.

What's it about? He's been offered an expanded role at the school that comes with a cottage for him to live in, so he's going to take it.

How'd it go? As we all know, Carson has no problem accepting change. Just kidding! His immediate response is to bitch, "So now I'm down to one footman and me." Maybe you shouldn't have spent the whole season trying to Sandman Sims Thomas off the premises, then? I mean, I know Carson is more stressed now than he was before his tremor, since having fewer people around will make it harder to hide his physical challenge, but still. Molesley kindly offers to come back and help for special occasions and parties, to which Carson snaps, "Your livery stays here." Molesley asks if Carson's okay, and when he blusters, "Never better," Molesely's like

Once Molesley's gone, Mrs. Hughes scolds him for a false "never better," to which Carson says he shouldn't tell his "private business to the whole world now." Mrs. Hughes is empathetic...to a point: "Well, really. 'Your livery stays here.' I ask you." hee!

Motherwise Engaged

What's the occasion? Bertie's engagement! But no one knows that yet! It's a fun surprise! Maybe!

What are the refreshments? Everyone's enjoying typical toff food -- except Mrs. Pelham, who's mostly biting her tongue.

Whose big public scene will everyone be talking about tomorrow? They WOULD be talking about how badly Mrs. Pelham embarrassed herself and her son if not for Lord G. See, the chat is coming to a lull when Bertie stands up to announce the happy news to his guests...but before he can, Mrs. Pelham stands herself and cuts him off, saying, "It's reassuring for us both to know what we're surrounded by friends." Lord G is dismayed, and Bertie -- disappointed but not very surprised -- gets up again. Before he can get to it, though, Lord G leans over to Mrs. Pelham and quietly tells her, "I suggest you speak now, or you've lost him forever." Deciding she'd rather have Bertie married to a fornicator than estranged from her, she gets up and tells the guests about Bertie's engagement...

...but she's not happy about it!

But now it's done! And can't be undone! Unless Bertie leaves Edith at the altar! I MEAN, THERE IS PRECEDENT!

Settle For Me

After dinner, Mrs. Pelham explains about her change of heart: "Should I turn down a daughter-in-law who, in addition to having birth and brains, is entirely and unimpeachably honest?...She was prepared to deny herself a great position, to say nothing of happiness, rather than claim it by deceit. We must applaud her!" I mean: true. Believable for the period? Maybe not. But did I mention it's the series finale? Everyone's relieved -- none more than Bertie, who asks Edith, "Will you bally well kiss me?!"

She will. For god's sake, everyone shut up between now and the wedding so Mrs. Pelham doesn't find out about that farmer Edith had it off with during the War!

Isobel & The Dowager C vs. Amelia

Emboldened by the Dowager C's advice, Isobel's decided not to take "get lost" for an answer: she's stormed the Grey house and shoved her way into the foyer, the Dowager C in tow. Amelia is furious as the Dowager C starts laying into Amelia -- "You don't need Mrs. Crawley to take him off your hands anymore, do you? And you won't have to wait long! So he lies upstairs in the shadow of death, and does what you tell him!" -- loudly enough for Lord Merton to hear her voice and come down to investigate; even fucking Larry's there. "And why have you stayed away?" Lord Merton asks Isobel. The Dowager C informs him that Isobel was denied entry -- but she's not backing down anymore, and says that Lord Merton's valet can pack up Lord Merton's things and bring them over to Isobel's. Larry tries to argue, but Lord Merton's done taking his counsel.

Lord Merton asks Larry to step aside and let him enjoy what's left of his life. "But this is your home!" gasps Larry. "Not anymore!" yelps Lord Merton. "Take it. And may you have joy of it." Isobel also declares that she intends to marry Lord Merton as soon as she can. "This is ridiculous," sputters Amelia. "Father, Mrs. Crawley wants to take you away from your son and your family and kidnap you into marriage! What do you say?"

Winner: Isobel.

Now Maybe Daisy Likes Andy

Because he's given up on her, Mrs. Patmore thinks. Who cares.

Time has passed! Now it's December 29, 1925, and preparations for Edith's wedding are buzzing around in the shadow of the Christmas tree!

Rose and Atticus arrive from America! Their nanny wouldn't "let" them bring the baby, due to diseases on the ship and in England! No one wants a baby at a wedding anyway: good call, Nanny!

Downstairs, Rose shows the servants photos of the baby: Victoria Rachel Cora! "Not Susan for your own mother?" asks Mrs. Patmore. "No," says Rose curtly. Good call!

Anna is due in about ten days! "Surely that baby will do nothing whatsoever to inconvenience everyone with a huge event about to take place," says someone who's never watched TV before!

Aunt In Agony

Alert Type: Spot Blowing Alert.

Issue: Spratt is working on his advice column...

...and, endearing him to me even more, cracking himself up doing it.

Complicating Factors: Denker comes in, sniffing around and referring to her high regard for the truth. Before long, she reveals that she's known about his secret side hustle since Edith came by to talk to him about it at the start of this episode ONE MILLION YEARS AGO, and she's not sure how the Dowager C would react if she were to find out about it.

Resolution: Helping the Dowager C get ready for bed one night, Denker brings up Spratt's "new job," "spilling the beans on everyone he knows," and acts like she thought the Dowager C already knew before producing a copy of Edith's magazine.

"Don't be too hard on him when you give him notice," Denker advises, RATHER IMPERTINENTLY. The Dowager C, reacting delightedly to what she's reading, asks why she would.

Spoiler: If you can make the Dowager C giggle like this?

Your job is probably quite safe.

TIO IS SO BIG

WHO'S A GOOD GIRL! WHO'S THE BEST GIRL IN THE COUNTY!

The Servants' Bathroom, Where Nothing Good Ever Happens To Anyone's Hair

Remember this classic hair don't?

Daisy's ready to write a new chapter in Downton Abbey's Big Book Of Style Disasters.

The evidence of Daisy's efforts isn't revealed until the next day, when her telltale jacked-up bonnet kind of telegraphs her all-thumbs haircut...and forces Mrs. Patmore to order her to remove it.

Andy walks in just after this reveal and starts laughing with surprise (and because it's funny), sending Daisy running out of the room like a toddler. Anna says she'll help Daisy fix her hair later, and Mrs. Patmore yells at Andy for being the reason Daisy fucked it up in the first place. He'd already moved on, bitch! He's not the Vice-President of Daisy's stupid head! For all her lessons, it seems like the workshop Daisy needed most of all was Keep Your Shit Together, You've Got To Be Almost Thirty By Now.

NO. NO HAPPINESS FOR DAISY EVER.

After Anna's done what she can with Daisy's hair after Daisy messed it up like a three-year-old left alone with some safety scissors, Andy comes in and comments that she looks like Clara Bow. Clara No. After Anna and Bates take their leave, Andy and Daisy clean up the hair clippings, Andy noting that they've been out of step with each other. And they've just never been in the same room together to interact between his one-sided summer flirtation and now? Okay. Daisy, bad at this, lies that she doesn't know what he means, so Andy has to tell her that if she really doesn't, he'll drop it, but that if she does, they shouldn't be out of step anymore.

No, Andy. Go french Thomas. He's probably very good at it, whereas you know Daisy just smashes her open mouth wherever, like an actual baby does.

Now We're Supposed To Care About You Two?

Tom, ushing at Edith's wedding, seats Miss Edmunds near the front of the church, telling her she saved Edith's life if anyone has. Miss Edmunds hopes no one blames her for encouraging Edith to work. "We like strong women here," flirts Tom. "Do you really?" Miss Edmunds flirts back. "I can assure you we like them very much indeed," Tom murmurs. I know it's the series finale and everyone's been pairing off, but (a) this is about the third conversation these two have had, and (b) THIS ONE IS NOT FIT TO TOUCH THE HEM OF SYBIL'S BURIAL GARMENT.

Death Sentence...Commuted

Dr. Clarkson takes advantage of the lull before the wedding to tell Lord Merton (and Isobel) some good news: turns out Lord Merton just has regular anemia after all! He's not on the actual brink of death, except inasmuch as he's in his seventies and it's the 1920s, so...I mean, you know! I still would have preferred to have seen Isobel end up with Dr. Clarkson (or in a Boston marriage with the Dowager C, if I'm being completely honest) -- Lord Merton's kind of a bore -- but he did turn on his shitty son, eventually, and Isobel likes him, so I guess I'll choose not to be disappointed that, in the last moments of the series, it's confirmed that he's not actually mortally ill. (Big of me, right?)

Get The Look: Finally A Bride

Guys. We did it. We got Edith back near the altar. OH FUCK, I DIDN'T JUST JINX IT, DID I?!

Tiara: Edith may not be an actual princess, but Marchioness is, like, three rungs below. She should have a big-ass furry crown just to stick it to Mary.

Visible Ankle: It's a changing world!

Goofy Grin: Aw, Edith. I have hated you over the years for all your baby bullshit, but this is still nice for you.

And then it's time for the wedding! Henry's so psyched about the proof that he definitely stuck his thing in Mary that he wants to tell her parents all about it, but Mary tells him they have to wait until Edith leaves on her honeymoon in order not to steal her (very long delayed) thunder! Henry asks whether this means she and Edith are going to be friends now. "We're sisters, and sisters have secrets," says Mary. ...What?

Edith and Bertie look positively giddy, and it's cute. Nerds in love.

Afterward, Cora jokes, "The last one's off our hands." And how! He's a Marquess! In contemporary terms, that's like if Edith married a dozen doctors or something! Lord G then compliments Cora on another job well done: the one she does at the hospital! He tells her about the field trip he took and how proud he was of her: "You are a woman of real substance, and I am lucky enough to call you my wife." "So I don't have to give it up," asks Cora. Lord G can't help snorting that she wouldn't have anyway, and she agrees that she probably wouldn't, but isn't it nice that she doesn't have to? Let's grade this one on the curve of history and move on!

And then Andy's asking Carson for more glasses and since Carson can't pour and gets frustrated with himself, it causes a minor scene. Lord G hurries over, along with Henry, who offers to take over pouring (a toff, doing manual labour?! What a mensch!), but Thomas announces that he'll do it. Carson argues that Thomas is there as a guest, but the exchange gives Lord G an idea: Carson could semi-retire; he and Mrs. Hughes could stay in their cottage, but Thomas could take over as Carson's replacement. Mary's all about it. Carson grumblingly notes that he couldn't say Thomas is inexperienced, since Carson's the one who trained him. Would Thomas like the job? He would! There's a slight polite fight about whether Carson and Thomas are actually getting what they want out of this arrangement, but Mrs. Hughes puts a stop to it by saying that Lord G found a solution and they should all be glad of it, and Thomas smoothly takes over pouring the champagne because order has been restored in the universe and now he's earned the right to do it through his later-in-life attempts at niceness!

Mary's in her room messing with her too-tight wedding hat when Anna enters to return Mary's blow dryer after using it in the service of stupid Daisy's stupid hair...when her water breaks! Mary's reaction is hilariously calm! Anna is awkward about letting Mary help her, but like, this baby doesn't care about the rules of your stratified society!

The Dowager C finds Spratt and Denker at the reception to talk about Spratt's column, because she's now his #1 fan! "In future, I shall come to you for advice about my clothes, and my entertaining!" To Denker, she crows, "Who knew we had an expert in the basement!" OH SHIT, THAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE DENKER'S JOB! BITCH, YOU OVERPLAYED YOUR HAND!

After the Dowager C's moved on to listen to the speeches, Spratt turns to Denker: "You made a mistake, Miss Denker, in your haste to be rid of me....She never likes to be predictable." I'm so relieved no one thought they had to give that rotten bitch Denker a happy ending.

Mr. Mason and Mrs. Patmore talk about how pleased they are that Daisy's decided to move in with him at the farm, Mr. Mason adding that he hopes it means they'll see more of Mrs. Patmore there too. "I don't know about that," she murmurs. "I think you do," he replies. Let's hope Daisy isn't such a rag about Mrs. Patmore bringing him a cup of tea on occasion, then.

Just before Edith heads out with Bertie for their honeymoon, she stops on the landing of the stairs for a moment with Mrs. Pelham. Edith tells her she will try not to disappoint her. Mrs. Pelham replies, "Just love him. I won't be disappointed in that." She's sure evolved from the starchy homophobe we first met like an hour ago!

Miss Edmunds catches the bouquet! "Aren't YOU the lucky one," grins Tom. Fellowes, we get it. We just really don't care.

With the bride and groom gone, it's time for the house's two dads to get a bit maudlin. Lord G hopes Carson's not unhappy about the way things have worked out: "Downton will be a very different place without you at the helm." "The world is a different place from the way it was, Milord," Carson says, because SOME OF IT NEVER CHANGES. "And Downton Abbey must change with it." Carson wishes Lord G and Cora a happy new year...

...and boss and employee share a manly handshake that has to express all the love they can't give voice to! SOME HANDSHAKE!!!

Oh hey -- Anna had a baby! It's a boy. She wants to keep working, and Mary immediately says that he can spend his days in the nursery (so... no mat leave, I guess), "to be followed by a young Talbot in due course." Lord G and Cora enter with champagne, aw. Anna's sorry she did all this in Mary's bed, but Mary DGAF. Happy new year to all!

Can there...possibly be MORE need to summarize the episode/season/series/century? Apparently so. Lord G says he thinks the Dowager C would find Anna's ad hoc delivery room "rather unorthodox," but Cora replies, "I think the more adaptable we are, the more chance we have of getting through." Lord G agrees: "The estate is safe in Mary's hands, with Henry and Tom to help her. Edith has risen from the cinders in the hearth to be kissed by her very own Prince Charming. What more can we ask?" "A long and happy life together, just we two, to watch the children grow up," says Cora. "That's all I want." "And why not," says Lord G. "We never know what's coming, of course -- who does? But I'd say we have a good chance." I can't go on if I don't believe that's true. Cora: keep having the leisurely life I want, whether I'm watching you have it or not.

Downstairs, Cora and the Dowager C finally stop avoiding each other as, I guess, we're supposed to think they've spent the better part of a year doing, and make peace over the hospital shake-up. "It is your kingdom now," says the Dowager C. "Your village. Your hospital. And I think you run it very well." Cora is shocked! So shocked she expresses her gratitude with actual flesh-to-flesh contact!!!

The Bateses can finally shut up about how much they want a baby, because here he is!

Little Edith, happy at last!

"It'll be a different life," says Carson. "But we can make a go of it, Charlie," says Mrs. Hughes, "and I definitely mean to try."

Mrs. Hughes then starts a round of "Auld Lang Syne"! They must not have shot this scene on the actual last day because all these actors DON'T look like they just finished sobbing ten seconds ago -- or they're just all classically trained pros! But I choose to believe I'm right.

Upstairs, the toff couples kiss!

"Makes me smile, the way every year we drink to the future, whatever it may bring," says the Dowager C. "Well, what else could we drink to?" burbles Isobel. "We're going forward to the future, not back into the past." "If only we had the choice!" jokes the Dowager C.

And while the show ends with snow falling softly on Downton as 1926 dawns, Isobel's last WTF face is a far better way to close. GOODBYE, POSHIES AND POORS! Your antics were pretty repetitive, but I will miss them just the same!