Downton In The Dumps

Fare Thee Well, O'Brien

Lady Grantham's lady's maid, O'Brien, left the Crawleys' employ in the dead of night, leaving nothing but a couple of brief notes about her new gig with Lady Flintshire, who was paying her way to India -- "too good a chance to pass up." O'Brien will be missed by Lady Grantham, who will have to suffer the indignity of being dressed by a housekeeper -- to say nothing of her hair! O'Brien will also be missed by her nephew Alfred, because everyone is pretty sure he knew all along what O'Brien was planning and the more he denies it, the guiltier he seems.

And That's The Final Word On The Subject Forever

The death of Matthew in the not-particularly-festive Christmas special has caused some power struggles at Downton -- for instance, between Lord Grantham and Branson Tom. For his part, Tom wants to keep up the improvements he and Matthew had been working on, and thinks maybe it might be useful for Mary to take a walking tour of the plantations, but Lord G is like, "Shut it, Drivezo." What he actually says is "Mary has enough on her plate, but I think we all heard the same thing.

Mary vs. Anna

Speaking of Mary: she doesn't really have that much on her plate besides being really really sad, but she also doesn't seem very interested in putting anything else on it, either. When Nanny West brings in baby George and suggests that Mary might like to join the two of them for a walk, Mary's like, nah. Without even taking him, she sighs, "Poor little orphan." Once they've gone, Anna pointedly notes, "He's not an orphan. He's got his mother. Orphans haven't." "He isn't poor either, come to that," Mary shoots back with perfect Dorothy Zbornak timing.

Winner: Mary, not that it's a fair fight what with her being landed gentry and all and Anna not really being in a position to zing her back.

Next Stop: Spa Day

Here's what passes for a friend when you're a Dowager Countess: Bill Molseley, the very nice old gardener for whom you decided to stop allowing the local flower show to be fixed in your favour like a decade ago. Here's what passes for hanging out when you're a Dowager Countess: talking about your friend's son's six months' unemployment while you both watch the installation of his dead boss's headstone. Fun? Anyway: Bill's not sure there even will be another job for Molseley because "it's a changing world." Dowager C's like, no duh.

Thomas vs. Nanny

Bringing the kids back from their walk, Nanny runs into Thomas, who being all cute to little Sybbie when Nanny decides to get a wild hair and tell him to quit talking to the kids. Thomas goes from zero to bitch in about four seconds, telling Nanny that he actually knew Sybbie's mother, which makes him and Sybbie friends, I guess by the transitive property or something. Nanny's like, whatever, go give Mrs. Patmore the kids' lunch order, and Thomas is like, NOPE. Then he goes to the kitchens and starts shit-talking her to all the other staff.

Winner: Obviously Thomas. I mean, come on.

Shut Up, "The Estate"

Remember how much fun it wasn't in Season 1 and Season 3 when everyone was talking all the time about Downton Abbey being in constant danger of getting seized by the government or whatever? Money Anxiety Fever is back! CATCH IT! This time, it's stupid dead Matthew's fault, because he died intestate even though he was a lawyer. Good job, genius. Anyway, now Tom and Lord G are going to have to reorganize the plantations and stuff because they're going to owe "debt duties on half the estate" (the Matthew half). Tom suggests again that maybe Mary could be part of these decisions, because she's Matthew's heir's mother and therefore these matters concern her too, but Lord G repeats his line about not wanting her to deal with all this head-hurting money business, and then, on the topic of her depression, brilliantly says, "The price of great love is great misery when one of you dies," and Tom's like, yeah, I KNOW, and Lord G's like, shit, bro, sorry!

Mary's Share = 1/6 Of The Total Hassle Of The Estate

How Thick Was My Valet

Well, everyone's enjoyed having Molseley hang around the Abbey not really working at anything in particular, but Matthew's been dead six months, so Molseley doesn't have to go home, but he can't stay here.

Race To The Commercial Break!

Edith says she's going into town to see Isobel and Rose is like, can I come? and Edith is like, eat shit, and Rose is like, I just meant can I walk into town with you, jesus!

Rose shows some initiative and spends sixpence of her own money to put a card in the post office window advertising a vacancy for a lady's maid!

Isobel tells Edith, "When your only child dies, then you're not a mother anymore. You're not anything, really. And that's what I'm trying to get used to." Edith's like, eep.

Carson gets a note and is all, "Not this again!" but he's VERY secretive about it!

Yay, someone's interested in Rose's ad, but boo, it's Edna, the maid who had hot pants for Tom!!!

Hot New Topic For Pillow Talk: "The Estate"

Lord G basically announces to Cora that he wants to take over the management of Mary's share of the estate (hers and George's, so: half) because why would she even worry her little head about it? Cora's like, hello, because she's George's guardian, and Lord G's all, her share is only one-sixth and she can't even pass it on to anyone after she dies so it hardly even counts as money and she should just work on arranging flowers and stuff. Cora's like, I'm not sure I agree 100% with your police work, there, Lord. Lord G doesn't care.

Lord Grantham's Share = 5/6 Of The Estate If You Count George's Share As Part Of His Share, Which Lord Grantham Does

Love Is Almost All The Way Around

Alert Type: Romance Alert.

Issue: It's Valentine's Day, and all the expected people get valentines -- even Daisy (Sophie McShera)! But it's not signed!

Mitigating Circumstances: Daisy likes Alfred, but knows he likes Ivy, so she's sincerely uncertain as to who sent hers.

Resolution: Jimmy eventually asks Ivy to the pub, so Daisy decides Jimmy must have sent Ivy's valentine, and that therefore, because her world is very small, Alfred must have sent Daisy's valentine!

Spoiler: Daisy's valentine actually came from Mrs. Patmore, who knew Alfred was going to send Ivy one and didn't want Daisy to look like a chump. Aw. But also, figure some shit out already, Alfred.

Try Not To Read Your Valentine Anywhere Your Still-Actively-Grieving Widowed Sister Might See It

Awkward.

Man At Work (House)

Good News, Everyone!

There's literally not one thing standing between perfect happiness for Edith and Michael except the fact that he's already married. But he's done some research and determines that all it would take for him to earn the legal permission to divorce said wife on the basis of her "lunacy" is move to Germany and become a citizen! Minutes after the end of World War I? Who wouldn't want to do that?! Looks like everything's coming up Edith, at last!

The Butler Didn't Do It

Who called the meeting? Molseley.

What's it about? Since they finally kicked him out at Downton Abbey, he wants to know if he can have his old job back -- as Isobel's butler, which is what he did before he was Matthew's valet.

How'd it go? The Dowager C's face kind of says it all.

Carson vs. Hughes

Mrs. Hughes brings Carson Mr. Grigg's story, and Carson is pissed on several counts: mad that she went through his trash, embarrassed for her to remind him that Grigg is "a man [Carson] sang and danced with" in another life, mad at Grigg for needing him. Mrs. Hughes, for her part, is mad at Carson for being so callous about Grigg, who according to her is breathing moldy air at the work house. Carson says he doesn't care and can't help, because God forbid anything should happen to lower his current status in the eyes of his underlings.

Winner: It's left pretty unresolved, but let's say Mrs. Hughes because she is actually right.

Mixer-Beater Food Mixer!

Cooking for a huge country estate can be a lot of work. So many eggs to beat! So many soup ingredients to blend! The older you get, the more you feel that in your wrists. Finally, there's a better way! The Mixer-Beater Food Mixer will help you make the creamiest mousses your Lord and Ladies have ever tasted!

So remember: get the Mixer-Beater Food Mixer. Because it's a changing world.

Snap Out Of It, Lady!

Don't Antagonize The Biggest Bitch In The House

Really, Nanny West? You're going to try to make the argument to Mr. Barrow that you're not really a member of staff and that therefore he has to deliver your orders to the kitchen for you? And call him out when he doesn't? Just find another lackey to pass on your messages because this one is not about to be cowed and will narc on you to Lady Grantham...

...and you can't afford that, particularly if you might have something to hide....

Real Talk, Carson-Style

Tom may have put Carson up to it, but Carson pretty readily agrees to talk to Mary about getting over her grief by working with Tom on the estate. Too bad Mary's not trying to hear that, and wriggles out of getting a legitimate talking-to by pulling rank.

Lord G vs. Everyone Else vs. Mary

There's a luncheon coming up for the tenant farmers; Cora has a thing and Edith's going to be in London, so the Dowager C casually volunteers Mary to hostess. Lord G immediately nixes this idea, but he barely has to because Mary flips shit, pulls the "Matthew is dead fifty years before his time" card and storms off like a teenager. Once she's gone, Lord G bitches to everyone who's left that they all have to back off Mary, and doesn't the Dowager C agree? She totally doesn't, but she's not about to discuss it in front of all the footmen.

Winner: Mary, for getting the last word in the moment, but her victory will obviously be short-lived.

Real Talk, Dowager C-Style

Healing Isobel

After Nanny West refuses to let her see George (hmmm...), Isobel runs into Carson, who's heard that Mrs. Hughes asked her to let Grigg live with her and feels weird about it: "I just don't want you to waste your energy and kindness on an unworthy recipient -- not at such a time." "But you see, Carson," she says, "I'd almost forgotten I had either energy or kindness in me. So that's something, isn't it?" CARSON, YOU HEEL.

Meet The New Maid (Same As The Old Maid)

Who called the meeting? Rose.

What's it about? She's brought Cora to Ripon to interview Edna for the job of her lady's maid; Edna's said she can't go to the Abbey because she's looking after a sick aunt.

How'd it go? Edna admits that she worked at Downton as a housemaid before, and claims that she lost her previous job when the old lady she worked for died. She gets a tiny crack in her façade when Cora mentions the sick aunt and Edna's like, "HUH?," but she recovers quickly enough, and given her glowing recommendation from Mrs. Hughes, she nails the interview, and Rose looks like a hero, so from every perspective except that of cosmic justice: good meeting.

Let Your Butler In On Your Cunning Plans

It's smart of the Dowager C to try to get Molseley a new gig by having him serve this Lady Shackleton to convince her to hire Molseley to replace her butler, who's retiring. It's dumb of the Dowager C not to tell her own butler, Spratt, what's going on and that Molseley is not angling for SPRATT'S job, because that's the reasonable conclusion Spratt jumps to, and he fucks with Molseley to sabotage his audition (also burning Molseley's hands in the process, just in time for him to probably have to stoop to manual labour, so that's a double fuck-you right there.

Make New Friends, But Keep The Old

Despite Carson's best efforts, Mr. Grigg moves in (temporarily) with Isobel, who is visibly excited to have someone to take care of again. Mr. Grigg tells her she's very kind, and Mrs. Hughes agrees, but Isobel shrugs it off: "No, no: we must all do what we can." Yeah, CARSON.

The War Didn't Change Your Willingness To Become A Citizen Of A Warmongering Nation For The Sake Of Your Divorce, But It DID Change Everything Else

Operation Edna Shield

Who called the meeting? Mrs. Hughes, probably.

What's it about? Cora just told her that she offered Edna the job replacing O'Brien.

How'd it go? No one feels that great about Edna, Tom's would-be seducer, being back in the house, but since there's nothing any of them can do, they agree to keep her past overtures to Tom secret from the Crawleys. So it's successful insofar as they will all keep tabs on her.

See You In Hell, Nanny West!

Thomas having falsely narced on Nanny West, Cora is moved to pause outside the nursery and spy on Nanny putting the kids back to sleep. It all seems perfectly above-board until Nanny turns her attention to Sybbie and orders, "Go back to sleep, you wicked little crossbreed." Cora stomps in, fires her on the spot, and doesn't fall for any "I was just having a game" bullshit. So...thank you, Thomas? Your bitchiness actually served a useful purpose, for once!

Almost Real Talk, Mary-Style

Bygones

Everything's All Mixed Up!

The Symbol: The new stand mixer.

The Scene: Mrs. Hughes hears a crash and comes to the kitchen to find a bowl smashed on the floor; Mrs. Patmore was trying out the mixer and lost control of it.

The Meaning: "Daisy mustn't find out I don't know how to work it!...It makes her part of the future and leaves me stuck in the past!"

Mary Chooses Life! LIFE!

Not only does Mary listen to Carson (and Tom) and attend the tenants' luncheon against Lord G's wishes, but she does so in mauve. So long, widows' weeds! Consider Matthew a very distant memory!