'Miss Sarah Bunting.' 'What On Earth Is She Doing Here?'

But Has The World Changed At All?

Welcome to 1924! Time to catch up with the Crawleys, starting with Edith, who's handed off her daughter to the Drewes! Having said daughter so close means it's very convenient for Edith to ride up on her bike and spy on her like a creeper!

Because it's 1924, it's time to watch the toffs (Lord G, primarily) bitch about how hard it has to be for the King to have to deal with a Labour government! Mary teases Lord G for opposing the PM because he's "the son of a crofter," but Lord G claims it's just because the PM hates the aristocracy! Then, just in case we weren't totally sure whether we're supposed to side with Lord G, it's announced that his grandchildren are on their way in and he (a) has zero interest in hanging out with them and (b) is still pissed that playing donkey with little Sybbie ONE TIME has led to her calling him "Donk" from that point on! What a stick-in-the-mud fuddy-duddy symbol of the old guard!

To the kitchen! What's Daisy mad about in 1924? How about that the Crawleys still haven't replaced Ivy since Cousin Giamatti poached her? There's also talk about people who formerly would have taken servant jobs now going to factories because "they like the hours better"! HOW DARE THEY! Also, Lord and Lady G's thirty-fourth wedding anniversary is coming up! "If I were to marry this year," Daisy muses, "what will life be like in 1958?" If you want it to be at all like The Bletchley Circle, Daisy, you better bone up on your math! Mrs. Patmore reminds her (and the viewer) that Daisy could be running a farm by then, and Daisy gets mad about THAT, whining that she wouldn't know how! DAISY, YOU ARE JUST AS BIG A DELIGHT IN 1924 AS EVER!!!

And then Edith's having an awkward visit with the Drewes and their adorable adopted baby Marigold to whom Edith is weirdly attached for some reason! Mrs. Drewe makes a remark about the "friend" who is Marigold's biological parent so that the viewer remembers Mrs. Drewe doesn't know that "friend" is actually Edith! After Edith makes her overly effusive exit, Mrs. Drewe comments that she must have a crush on Mr. Drewe!

And then Edith rolls away weeping! POOR, TRAGIC EDITH, DOWNTON'S OWN ZIGGY!!!

"Isobel Crawley Ranked Higher Than I? Over My Probably Soon-To-Be-Dead Body!"

Alert Type: Class Panic Alert.

Issue: Lord Merton's still interested in Isobel, and has asked The Dowager C to throw another luncheon and invite both him and Isobel.

Complicating Factors: Though Isobel says she doesn't like Lord Merton That Way, apparently The Dowager C wants to make sure Isobel doesn't let him persuade her -- because if he does, Isobel will apparently outrank her, I guess? The musical stings on this storyline seem to assume a lot of knowledge here that is kind of obscure, at least to me.

Resolution: The Dowager C does throw a luncheon -- but she also invites Dr. Clarkson as a reasonable romantic alternative for Isobel (and one who will remind her that she's really just a doctor's wife and not some posh dick), and Lady Shackleton as a prospect for Lord Merton.

Spoiler: Never underestimate Isobel's resistance to doing things just because The Dowager C thinks she should.

Cougar Village

Situation: Jimmy confides to Thomas that he's been getting letters from his former employer, a Lady Anstruther.

What makes it awkward? When he worked for her, they used to Do Sex, and she still wants the D.

How is order restored? Depends on whose definition of "order" you're going by? Lady Anstruther is a crazy rich lady with a crush; she's probably going to figure out a way to get under Jimmy again.

War (Memorial Planning) Is Hell

Who called the meeting? A delegation of normals from the village (of whom Lord G apparently thinks so little that he didn't even send a car for the one-legged veteran who gets around on crutches now).

What's it about? They're forming a committee to put up a war memorial in town.

How'd it go? Well, Lord G was kind of dreading the meeting because he was pretty sure they were going to ask him to chair the committee, and even though he has so much else on his plate what with changing clothes four times a day and avoiding his grandchildren's love, noblesse oblige and all that. But: good news! All they want from Lord G is some land for the plot! They don't want Lord G to chair the committee -- they want Carson to do it! The other members' rationale for this is that Carson was more closely acquainted with the village's war dead than Lord G was, and bring Carson in on this whole scheme when he comes in with refreshments. Poor Carson is clearly honoured to be asked and doesn't want to be rude and refuse, but he also picks up on Lord G's disappointment at having been passed over (since Lord G makes it extremely obvious) and horrified to have been elevated above his employer even with regard to something Lord G didn't really want to do in the first place. And then, in the midst of this crisis, Carson still has to serve the tea. In short: it's terrible.

What's The World Doing Now?

A butler chairing a civic committee? IT'S A CHANGING WORLD, ALL RIGHT.

Das Book

The Scene: Mrs. Hughes very gingerly approaches Edith about a sensitive matter.

The Symbol: A German primer with Michael's name written in the front cover.

The Meaning: Edith can't escape reminders that Michael (probably) died in a country where he didn't even know the language, leaving POOR EDITH alone to HER SECRET TRAGEDY.

You Know How Pets Start To Look Like Their Owners?

Name:	Spratt.
Age:	Mid 50s.
Occupation:	The Dowager C's Butler.
Goal:	To make sure that Dr. Clarkson, even if he is an invited guest of the Countess's, never forgets that as a skilled tradesperson, Dr. Clarkson is not worthy to be sitting in The Dowager C's parlour and certainly not worthy of being offered cake until The Dowager C forces him to.
Sample Dialogue:

Oh, For The Love Of God, ONE OF YOU: OUT WITH IT ALREADY!!!

Alert Type: Horrible Secret Alert.

Issue: Thomas is still trying to blackmail Baxter into finding out what Bates might be hiding by threatening to expose Baxter's HORRIBLE SECRET.

Complicating Factors: Baxter doesn't want to sell anyone out...but she also doesn't want her HORRIBLE SECRET exposed.

Resolution: Baxter tells Molesley what she knows about Bates, and since neither of them (a) thinks that murdering a rapist is really that bad, and (b) wants Thomas to have this information, they agree that Baxter should just tell on herself to Cora.

Spoiler: No secret could live up to the one million years of teasing that built up to its eventual exposure, and this one DEFINITELY doesn't.

I Got 99 Problems And Innumeracy Is One (Marginal Literacy Is Another)

The Scene: Late at night, Mrs. Patmore finds Daisy alone in the kitchen and sees what Daisy was being so private about having received in the post earlier.

The Symbol: A beginner math(s) textbook.

The Meaning: Daisy dreams of more for her life than getting bossed around by Mrs. Patmore in a rich person's basement -- like, maybe, running her farm someday.

World Check: Still Changing?

"Wink?" "WINK."

When This Lady Lets A Bro Dangle, He Dangles

That's Why The Lady Is A...Er....

Baxter's HORRIBLE SECRET: Revealed!

Who called the meeting? Baxter.

What's it about? Her HORRIBLE SECRET. Which is -- are you ready for this? -- that she stole some jewellery from a previous employer and served three years in prison for it.

How'd it go? It's kind of awkward: Cora obviously doesn't love hearing that someone who's probably seen her naked every day for a while has done time. But Lord G comes in and interrupts before Cora can really react, so it ends in limbo for Baxter, which is not great. Oh, AND: we also hear that Baxter wasn't able to return the items she stole because, at the time of her arrest, she didn't have them anymore, so obviously there's going to be another whole HORRIBLY SECRET facet of this story yet to be exposed, viz who made her steal the stuff and why she did it. Great.

"And After Thirty-Four Years, I'd Marry You For Your Beautiful American Money All Over Again"

What's the occasion? Cora and Lord G have been married for thirty-four mostly wonderful years.

What are the refreshments? Definitely not cocktails, as Lady Anstruther calls out, because Downton is so old-fashioned (but doesn't serve Old Fashioneds); fancy little white pudding things; simmering class resentment.

Whose embarrassing public scene will everyone be talking about tomorrow? Lord G is pissed from the jump when he sees Sarah Bunting (that hussy) walk in -- and doesn't seem mollified when he learns that Rose invited her on Tom's behalf (and that Cora sanctioned it) -- because Thomas already tattled to him about how Tom had her upstairs when the Crawleys were all in London at Christmas. And things don't improve from there when the subject of the war memorial comes up and she announces that she's against it, describing it as "a waste of money" and a constant reminder of deaths in "a pointless war." Lord G gets so incensed at this view that he fully yells at her, at the table, in front of literally everyone, before collecting himself and saying "We must strive to keep things light." Looking levelly back at Lord G, Sarah Bunting comments, "It's a pity they didn't want you on their committee. You put up a stout defense of their intentions." And at this point Carson makes a HUGE break in protocol, speaking up to say that they do want Lord G on the committee. OH, PHEW. I know the war is just a few years passed at this point and still a charged subject, Lord G being this rude to a non-aristocrat guest -- who, to be fair, is not exactly doing her part to keep dinner conversation convivial either -- is the episode's most glaring proof of his failure to change with the world, which in case you haven't heard is in the process of changing.

Carson admits to Mrs. Hughes that he refused to serve on the committee if they didn't agree to make Lord G its patron! "Nobody has to know everything!" What a mensch! (That's probably a word he heard during his music-hall days!)

Sarah Bunting has to burnish her pinko credentials by insisting on being brought down to the kitchen to thank the servants for their work! They're all weirded out by her!

Thomas tries to use a quiet moment in the foyer to narc on Baxter to Cora, but he's too late! Cora turns it back around on him by asking why he thinks little enough of Baxter to sell her out now, yet formerly thought enough of her to give her his personal recommendation and thus install a "convicted felon" in Cora's bedroom! OOPS, YOU DIDN'T QUITE PLAY THIS ONE RIGHT, BUDDY!

After everyone's left, Tom has to go find Lord G and take shit off him for Sarah Bunting's behaviour, which by the way is not Tom's fault! Her pinkosity reminded Lord G -- unpleasantly -- of what Tom was like before the Crawleys totally co-opted him (I'm paraphrasing)! Tom admits that his views don't really differ much from hers, and Lord G is horrified at the idea that Tom might go back to his strident old ways! In fact, when Tom adds that he and Sarah Bunting never did anything when Thomas caught them upstairs, Lord G says he's less worried about Tom fucking her than he is about Tom possibly becoming "a rebel and a hater" again! Tom promises he doesn't hate anyone, "least of all you"! Aw?

Baxter checks in with Cora, who wants to know who had the jewels! Baxter won't say, and she won't make excuses for herself, either! She just wants to know if she's fired! Cora says she's never fired a servant who didn't give her cause for complaint, and since Baxter's criminal days are behind her, they're golden! GOOD THING WE SPENT A YEAR DICKING AROUND WITH THIS, THEN!

Mary tells Anna she's protective of Lord G sticking up for himself with Sarah Bunting and then feeling guilty about it afterward! YOUR DAD IS PERFECTLY CAPABLE OF HANDLING HIMSELF, MARY, DON'T TURN YOURSELF INTO EMMA WOODHOUSE TO PROTECT HIM!

Carson tells Molesley he'll be working downstairs until his hair dye stops getting in everything and grossing everyone out!

Cut to Molesley sadly rinsing out all his confidence and charisma!

POOR EDITH cries alone in her room and throws Michael's German book in the fire, but NOT HARD ENOUGH!

Thomas covers Jimmy as he heads into Lady Anstruther's room!

Tony sneaks into Mary's room, quite against polite practice! He thinks she's decided that he's "the winner" of her ivory hand and parts beyond! He knows she wants to be sure, "more sure than the customs of well-bred courtship will allow"! But he has an answer: he wants to take her away for a week on their own -- for fucking! So that they can know EVERYTHING about each other before they get married! "What do you say to my scandalous suggestion?" he asks. "No one must ever find out," she replies!

Thomas is still covering for Jimmy when he notices smoke and follows it to Edith's room! Everything's on fire! He picks up Edith and carries her to safety! Oh, Poor Edith, do NOT develop a crush on Thomas from this!

On his way to raising Drewe and the rest of the fire brigade, Lord G -- against Thomas's advice -- busts into Lady Anstruther's room and learns the shocking Anstruth about her and Jimmy!

After the fire is put out, no thanks to the amateurish efforts of Tom and Lord G, Lady Anstruther simpers at Lord G that she "may sneak away before breakfast," and Lord G's like, good.

Then Cora spots Thomas and says it was a good thing he was upstairs to save POOR EDITH! "You have earned our goodwill by your actions tonight!" she says. Luckiest fire ever for Thomas Barrow!

Lord G the gossip narcs on Jimmy to Carson! Hey, what about Guy Code?!

Edith thanks Drewe for his efforts and he reminds her that they still need a cover story for why she's hanging around Marigold so much! Edith winks that she's going to take a great interest in Marigold's education!

BUT THEY MAY NEED ANOTHER COVER STORY SOON!