Gossip Girl Only Has Four More Episodes In Which To Get EVEN MORE Boring
With the final season of Gossip Girl set to end next month (that is, unless producers bow to fan pressure and make that feature film everyone's begging for!) (just kidding, there is no such pressure or begging), something pretty remarkable has happened: the show has gotten more boring than ever before. 30 Rock is also about to end, and is going kind of nuts in the best way: Jack and Liz are actively trying to destroy NBC, beloved old characters are coming back, and the famously single Liz is getting married. On Gossip Girl, on the other hand, Blair (Leighton Meester) and Chuck (Ed Westwick) are still apart for totally contrived reasons, we're still being asked to care about the ways in which Bart (Robert John Burke) is an unethical businessman (even though when a guy comes back from the dead, we can pretty much take that as read), and Ivy (Kaylee Defer) is still on the show.
Last night's episode set a new bar for how incredibly boring an episode of Gossip Girl can be, as Blair tapdanced to save her job at her mother's company (it's her mom: is Blair really going to get fired?), while Lily (Kelly Rutherford), Chuck, Ivy, and Rufus (Matthew Settle) all faced off in a high-stakes...art auction. Honestly, when you're looking forward to Serena (Blake Lively) and Dan (Penn Badgley) even though their chemistry has all the spark of a damp tea towel, things have gotten bad. Frankly, the only explanation for what we're watching is that Gossip Girl's producers have gotten into a bet as to which of them can sneak the most stultifying storyline onto national broadcast television. Here are a few that we have yet to see on the show, but that could win that contest.
- The VanityFair.com copyeditor changes a semicolon to a colon, and Dan risks everything standing up for his original punctuation
- Chuck suspects that Bart may have ulterior motives for investing in RIM and keeping the Blackberry on the market
- Blair becomes convinced that she has metal poisoning when she accidentally eats with stainless steel cutlery rather than her usual sterling
- Ivy and Rufus hit a breaking point when she uses his favourite waffle iron to kill a spider
- Lily thinks she sees Lola (Ella Rae Peck), but it turns out not to be her
- Dorota (Zuzanna Szadkowski) jams the garbage disposal
- Rufus mentions in passing that Jenny (Taylor Momsen) and Eric (Connor Paolo) died in a fire, and that there won't be a funeral
- Serena considers starting a Pinterest page
- Nate suffers permanent hearing loss when he uses his electric toothbrush to clean his ears