Was Jane The Virgin, In Fact, Extremely Right To Be Leery Of Michael's Comedic Ambitions?

This Beaches runner couldn't possibly be shade at the Lifetime remake that just aired...could it?!

As we open the episode, we're told that Jane and Xo have watched Beaches together fourteen times -- once for each of Xo's breakups with Bruce; Jane became "the wind beneath Xo's wings." It's certainly possible that this tearjerker without a romantic plotline was just a logical choice for Xo's character, given her age. Plus it's unlikely that when this episode was written, anyone on Jane could have known when this would air, never mind Lifetime's Beaches remake. But: the remake was announced in July, so the Jane writers would have known it was coming, assumed (rightly) that it would stink, and just hoped their arrow would hit in the vicinity of the target. The fact that this episode is coming just two days after Lifetime's unnecessary turd of a TV movie adaptation might just be fortuitous timing. ...Or The CW scheduled Jane's return with the "coincidence" in mind. WHO'S TO SAY?

How compelling is Catalina at this point?

Basically one episode after we met her, Catalina's shadiness started to show through. She's already served the story purpose of disappointing Jane (and, secondarily, entrenching her deeper into her immediate family). She's stirred up whatever degree of jealousy Jane might still have with regard to anyone Rafael might date in the future, now that she's happily married to Michael. Do we care to know exactly what's going on with Arnaud, who we met even more recently than Catalina? If Rafael is determined to let himself get played by yet beautiful woman, with yet another exotic accent, who really only wants his money...do we care about that? Particularly given that the money she's after might be gone momentarily anyway? I get that the gold-digger is a soap opera staple, but we've not just been through this with Petra: we're still in it! Now! It's not even like Catalina could turn out to be a PI or something because (a) a PI would do a better job at covering her sketchiness, and (b) Petra's already PI-ing for herself! And if the idea is that she gets a redemption arc...we've already seen that from Petra too. Put Catalina in the catapult and get her out of here.

Should Jane have maybe leaned on Michael a little harder for an explanation for his impetuous decision to quit the police force?

He got taken off cases and a rookie was snotty to him about paperwork...so he quit? On the spot? Without talking to his spouse and life partner and the co-head of their household? I know they've only been married for a few months, so maybe he's not used to taking another person and the child they're raising together into account when he makes an impulsive, life-changing move. (Except actually I won't: I feel like their shared experience of Michael's shooting on their wedding night and living through the aftermath together would have progressed their relationship much further than the length of time they've actually been married.) Of course Jane wouldn't want Michael to be unhappy at work, and maybe she would have even backed him up on quitting. But she should have had the chance to offer her opinion before he just went ahead and did it because he had a bad day. Now they're just supposed to get by on her two jobs? That's some bullshit.

(If this ends up being another fake-out where Michael is undercover and even his own wife doesn't know about it, I will be pissed.)

Have we talked enough about the corniness of Anezka, revealed to be Petra's impersonator, going back to her dumb old hair?

Honestly.

When you see the sisters opposite each other with their different hair looks, you KNOW Petra's going to end up finding an Anezka wig (discarded in a gas station bathroom, probably) to trick Scott into telling her about his scheme with Rafael. Don't get me wrong, I love the show, but it's 2017: there isn't a twin switcheroo plot TV hasn't already done, A LOT.

Jane had access to career aptitude tests and didn't make Xo take one?

We had to watch Xo try working in a bank when Jane could have just sent her to an online quiz? Weak.

...But when Michael goes rogue and decides his career path is going to be standup comic, shouldn't Jane have pushed back a little harder?

Because it's SUCH A DUMB IDEA. I guess it doesn't really cost Jane anything to let him play out the string of an open mic night. And obviously this entire story is just a vanity showcase for Brett Dier to show off all his characters (though I would be remiss if I didn't note that his alleged Dame Judi Dench is more like a Dame Maggie Smith). But take it from a C+ wife: it's actually okay to give your partner a reality check when they come up with a stupid plan that's going to end in heartache. It's why I don't have a failed closet organizing business on my record. Though I will entertain invitations to come do it for free. Literally me:

Anyway: it's good, I guess, that Michael has decided that the law might be the right career for him. I just hope his family (or Rogelio) is going to give him the money for school so that we don't have to deal with yet another bummer of an episode about their budgeting. Too real!

Can this show please let Rogelio rock his casual hair more often?

IT'S HOT.

Maybe someone could tweet Rogelio that the slicked-back look really ages him. It's true!

When it comes to the olds, what endgame should we be rooting for?

Much as I respect Ro and Xo for recognizing that their relationship had to end once it was determined that they didn't want the same things, parenting-wise, I still think the two of them are a great couple. But now there are all these other entanglements! ...Okay, fine, I don't give a shit about Bruce or his jerk daughter. But Darci is such a great character -- so clear on what she wants -- and I still have a love hangover for Justina Machado after devouring the first season of One Day At A Time. And now Rogelio and his boner have figured out that she's a real romantic prospect for him? AM I TO STOP ROOTING FOR XOGELIO?!

What does it mean that Petra has evidence to contest Emilio's will?

Oh wait: I don't care. I swear to god, Rafael's fortune has nine lives. Either let him have it or let him lose it: having it continually up for grabs is very, very dull. Like, so dull I would trade it for ten episodes of Jane and Michael spending the whole hour in Target.