Nobody Who Loves Dairy Queen Could Be An Evil Man!

Here's somewhere you don't want to be: Kentucky. Just kidding; it seems beautiful; the blue grass and everything. But for real, you don't want to be in a meeting with Boyd Crowder (Walton Goggins) and realize not only that he's suddenly gotten the jump on you, but that you're on his bad side. Not only is he going to best you -- that's just business. He's going to destroy you.

In last night's episode of Justified, Boyd gets Lexington's fancypants criminals to his bar and informs them that though they had thought they'd found a new errand boy in him, they were mistaken. Not only had he easily taken out one of their own, but he'd disconnected them from the highly placed officials they used to manipulate, but had put them on the Michigan Mob's hit list. "Now, I know people like you are used to taking people like me," Boyd tells them. "But there comes a point when people like me can't take any more taking. And all the things you've done, the way you've built your fortunes, it might make you criminals, but it don't make you outlaws. I am the outlaw. And this is my world. And my world has a high cost of living." Boyd declares that he wants $100,000 from each of his antagonists...but that's not all.

Over the three and a half seasons of Justified, we've gotten a close look at the sad condition of Harlan County. And there was a time that we might have attributed the area's troubles to a number of interconnected causes: corrupt law enforcement officials; rampant unemployment; dominance of the Dixie Mafia; widespread substance abuse; the fact that Raylan (Timothy Olyphant) moved away, so he has a much longer commute to make to keep a lid on shit. But last night revealed the true cause of Harlan's many challenges: there's no Dairy Queen.

The upstanding, well-meaning, town fathers of Harlan are...well, people we've never seen, to be frank. But they probably exist, and if they do, they might have thought of lots of ways to turn the area around: seeking federal recovery funds to create jobs maintaining local infrastructure; attacking poverty through the next generation by increasing educational opportunities; soliciting more tourism dollars by building a world-class aquarium. All of these ideas are fine, as far as they go. But Boyd -- a true and faithful son of Harlan -- recognizes that the true root cause of Harlan's endemic problems is citizen despair. And the best remedy for despair is a Peanut Buster Parfait.

Thank you, Boyd. I can't wait to see you cut the ribbon and get yourself a Royal Treat.