Hillary Clinton Endorses Love It Or List It
Our Players
Hello, I'm Secretary Of State Hillary Clinton.
Hello, I'm The Interview Extender.
The Scene
So what is it, specifically, about Love It Or List It that you like so much?
Well, I'm fascinated by the Toronto real estate market. It's a great, world-class city, but seeing the kinds of prices people are asking for these unremarkable houses just because they're in Long Branch, you can really see why the city is overdue for a market correction.
...
What?
I'm just surprised you know so much about it.
Gail. Come on. Look who you're talking to.
Sure, I would have expected you to be conversant with, you know, matters of state in Laos or Swaziland--
Well, in this area, I'm an enthusiastic amateur.
So the housing prices are of interest to you. What else?
Well, given the kind of crap I've had to take over the course of my career, and particularly since I've entered public life, I appreciate that Hilary is allowed to be such an unapologetic bitch. She is so abrasive and cocky; you can tell that when she finds horrible structural damage in these people's century homes, there's some level where she kind of loves giving homeowners the bad news. They curse her out, but in every episode you see that she was right, and also that she would have been able to achieve every goal the homeowners wanted her to if they had only given her all the necessary resources. Seeing her vindicated is very reassuring to me!
Sometimes David wins, though.
Sometimes he finds some real gems, it's true. But often it's Hilary's renovations that make it possible for the homeowners to move, because she's increased the value of their homes so much!
Not to mention that the couple usually ends up doing whatever the wife said she wanted to do at the beginning. If she wanted to stay, they'll stay.
Haha, yes, I've noticed that too.
What do you think of the rest of the HGTV slate?
I went through a House Hunters phase last year; I think everyone did. Once it was a joke on 30 Rock, though, I was kind of over it -- and that was well before the stories came out about how fake it is. I mean, you didn't need to have a team of CIA deep cover operatives at your disposal to figure that one out. Those prospective buyers aren't exactly Juilliard-trained actors.
What about Property Virgins?
Ummmm, where is Sandra Rinomato? I have had zero interest in that show since she left!
Yeah, the new host is not as good.
Sandra was like Hilary: she told these homeowners the truth, even when they didn't want to hear it. Like, I'm sorry, even if you're looking for a one-bedroom condo in an affordable market like Austin, you're not going to get everything on your list if you can't spend more than $150K!
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Now what?
When do you have the time to watch all these shows?
They don't exactly require all my attention, Gail. I put them on while I'm working. They're basically the radio.
How about Home By Novogratz?
Oh, Gail, I am so glad you brought them up, because what is up with that family? Seven kids? In 2012? Maybe let's think about our carbon footprint; that is not green family planning!
At least they make enough money to support all of them.
Yeah, even Five.
Five?
One of their kids is named Five.
It isn't.
Boy or girl?
Haha, exactly.
They're good designers, though.
Well, she is.
You don't think he is?
Yeah, if "designing" means "spending probably huge amounts of clients' budgets on art they had sure as hell better like"!
Meow!
Well, Gail, honestly. That's all he does. And these pieces must cost thousands of dollars. Maybe people would rather have two or three couches!
That's a good point.
I do like the reveals, though. But HGTV moving it to 5:30 on Saturday afternoon is a great argument for the DVR.
What about Property Brothers?
That's another show where the division of labour is hugely unbalanced. I don't even know why they bother bringing Drew back at the end to, what, put a vase on a console? Boy, Drew, thank God you were here or we'd have never gotten this job done! Tool.
Do you ever watch scripted shows? What about Scandal?
Oh, I see.
What?
I guess I'm supposed to say something like, "I don't need to watch Scandal, I lived it," right?
You should say whatever you feel.
We haven't even gotten to Flea Market Flip yet!
Okay, what did you want to say about Flea Market Flip?
The prices those idiots pay for that remixed garbage! "Upcycled," my ass. Shut up, Brooklyn.