Screens: WeTV
'Is There A Couple In The Universe That Holds Hands More Smugly Than Jim And Elizabeth?'
That's just one rhetorical question raised as your editors and Stephanie Green discuss a 'shocking' [eye-roll] Marriage Boot Camp.
Our Players
Hello, I'm West Coast Editor Tara Ariano.
Hello, I'm contributor Stephanie Green.
Hello, I'm East Coast Editor Sarah D. Bunting.
The Talk
Stephanie, do you want to start, since you had to sit out the last one, and cover anything you were burning to say?
I've already forgotten everything that happened last week, which I think is my brain's way of dealing with the trauma? But this week I just hated everyone, but mostly Speidi and Jatalie.
I hated goddamn Jim most of all. If he were any fuller of shit he'd be Mr. Hanky.
Hate toss-up between Jim and Elizabeth, for me. And is there a couple in the universe that holds hands more smugly than those two?
I hated their fighting rules most of all. They contradict themselves like immediately! Which is it: stay in the moment, or take a break? Oh that's right I don't give shit one.
I would love so much to find out that, like that bitch who co-wrote The Rules, their marriage had actually been dead for years. THOSE WHO CAN'T, TEACH, RIGHT?
Also, was it just me, or were there zero rules set out during that electroshock exercise about when, precisely, one would get shocked? Seems like that would have been a good time for a concrete set of rules.
Yeah, why is JIM the one controlling that? Mock-turtleneck-wearing sadist assmonkey.
Well, he IS a security expert...Maybe that includes homeland security/torture.
That he borrowed from a Simpsons episode. Only in America.
Last season they busted out the electric-shock-as-therapy shtick, too, as I recall.
I also don't get what it's supposed to teach them about fighting effectively once they leave boot camp. Do it in shock collars and periodically push each other into the invisible fence?
It proved nothing. That they can imitate each other. That's it.
Yeah, it was definitely one of the more obtuse (yet still extremely literal) exercises I’ve seen on this shitshow.
The driving-blind exercise: also very literal and dumb, but much more entertaining for the viewer. Well, for this viewer anyway, because it seemed to bear out my theory that Rachel and Tyson barely know each other outside of this show.
I also enjoyed Jim and Elizabeth’s therapeutic deconstruction of the exercise, e.g.: Reid is being "too much of a perfectionist" when he tries to prevent Aviva from driving them directly into a pole.
This is the one time I thought Speidi's relationship had some hope. They had a ton of fun just crashing around, because it's so dumb and who cares -- which I think is a good attitude.
Agree totally.
Jacob and Natalie winning (at anything) was not an outcome I expected, I have to say. I wouldn't want to be on either side of that exercise with her as a partner.
You'll note they had to rig it for that outcome.
Elizabeth: "I didn't DEFINE 'good.'" Yes, because she interpreted it to mean "bad." I liked in the beginning when Natalie was lecturing Heidi while wearing a t-shirt with nipple points cut out of it. KINDA hard to take her tirade seriously in that get-up.
What did we think about the fiasco of Speidi serving Jatalie lunch?
Scripted from soup to nuts. (As it were.)
Since we're on the subject, the criss-cross laces around her midriff for that occasion were very classy and elegant.
Very Jackie O.
I don't know why it had to be staged to create even more conflict between Natalie and Heidi. How many times do they have to make up and recommit to their fake friendship? WHO CARES if they get along?
Surprisingly, they ARE here to make friends.
And every time Heidi apologizes to her, it just seems like they're in an abusive relationship and Heidi's swearing not to "be bad" and "make" Natalie hit her. Natalie's such a gross bully, ugh.
Again, I don't understand what this exercise was supposed to teach them, other than that Spencer and Heidi shouldn't throw dinner parties.
Well, the important thing is that they all handled everything so graciously.
I mean, maybe Spencer doesn't take things seriously enough, but MBC is not the venue in which to make that point effectively.
Elizabeth getting so irritated with Spencer for mocking her was hilarious. It must have been very exciting for her that week to have been reading HuffPo and come across the term "triggered" for apparently the very first time, so she could bust it out in this interaction!
Speaking of which, they need to institute some sort of jar where you have to put in a quarter every time you inappropriately use the word "triggered."
For real. It's not synonymous with "irritated."
It's also such a goofy, therapy-speak word that these idiots are using to excuse their abysmal behavior. Which...I guess kinda sums up this entire show.
Which is in keeping of the goofy deployment of "electroshock treatment" here.
True. I almost snorted, by the way, when, after the lunch fiasco, Elizabeth concluded that Natalie has "regressed to her old ways." Like she had ever...not regressed?
But she just had the golf cart victory! That showed real...growth?
She's a growth, all right.
She is heinous. I think on that much we can all agree.
Do we think Heidi's going to get her baby, ever?
God, I hope not.
For the baby’s sake, please, no. I did find it interesting that Heidi was protesting so much about this Kristin Cavallari connection, saying that that's NOT the main reason she wants to have a kid. Makes me think that it is, in fact, her main motivation.
Oh, I'm sure it is. No doubt Spencer has to hear about it every time they go to a friend's house.
Not that having a baby because some lady you were on a reality show with ten years ago has one is not a GREAT reason to bring a life into this world!
Well, if Cavallari can do it, etc. etc.
I think she just wants a baby because it's the next thing you do, and she has no other ideas about how to spend her time. And also that it will require more of her attention so she has a legit reason not to pay attention to Spencer.
Or that it will bond Spencer to her for life, because that always works. I don't think her "imitation" of Spencer saying he's bored with her was fake.
Plus, think of all the baby-related reality show potential. Speidi Spawn, coming this season to VH1!