Dr. Masters Learns There Is Such A Thing As Bad Publicity

Taking Sexy Away

Who called the meeting? Bill, presumably.

What's it about? Virginia was in the middle of trying to recruit a Buell Green nurse for the sex study, and even though the nurse was verrrrrrry interested in joining with her husband so he'd be forced to try some different positions, she can't: unbeknownst to Bill and Virginia, Dr. Hendricks has forbidden all hospital employees from participating in the study, which is why he's been ripping down the flyers. (When Bill accuses him of having done this under cover of darkness, Hendricks DGAF: "I removed them in broad daylight." hee!)

How'd it go? Bill thinks he's got the advantage because Science; he would have thought Hendricks would support Bill's incorporating more (read: any) African-American subjects in the study in order to help dispel stereotypes about black sexuality. Hendricks is like, nice try, and educates Bill about the history of black subjects in medical testing. Surprise! Like most of American history as it concerns non-white people, it is shameful! Black patients have been dosed with "near-lethal doses of x-rays" by doctors who believed that would be required to penetrate their darker skin...and that's just one example. Hendricks thinks Bill should stick to white subjects, and he's already pissed to have had a newspaper reporter contact him about the study resuming at Buell Green. Hendricks wins the argument -- which starts in Bill's office and ends in the men's room (not like that) (although...?) (just kidding: not like that) -- by saying that Bill can science all he wants: "We just won't do it by burning my hospital to the ground." And I'm sure Bill will be very respectful of that!

"I'm Libby. I'm Disgusting."

Situation: Coral is still working for Libby and getting driven to and from by Robert.

What Makes It Awkward? Libby is creepily obsessed with dominating Coral and based on the way she watches through the window as Coral and Robert goof around by the car, Libby's apparently got hot pants for Robert now, too.

How is order restored? Libby thinks order is restored by her sitting Coral down and informing her that since she looked into Robert's history and found out he's been arrested three times -- once for assaulting a cop, to which Coral replies that the cop assaulted him first -- he can't be near the house anymore. Coral says she'll make other arrangements, but when she claims the next day that her auntie's picking her up, Libby the fucking creep follows her and sees that the other arrangement was for Robert to park around the corner. Cue the escalation of hostilities!

Zero Helens Agree

Alert Type: Sapphic Alert.

Issue: Since Helen's shouldered her way back into Betty's life, they've resumed their old relationship (read: they are Doing Sex again).

Complicating Factors: Betty wants to set up Helen in a nicer apartment and make her Betty's mistress, basically, which Helen finds demeaning, and she's still offended that Betty won't even consider living with her out in the open.

Resolution: Helen proposes to Al, who accepts, and when they announce their intention to elope at the Morettis', Betty freaks the fuck out. The day after, Gene confronts her, since he assumes Betty's reaction was due to her being attracted to Al. Betty says that actually the issue is that she thinks Helen and Al are both garbage and she never wants to see them again.

Spoiler: When Gene tells Al about Betty's decree, Al has some kind of surprising news.

Going Whole Hogue After A Very Bad Idea

Trick Or Treatment

Alert Type: Quality Of Life Alert.

Issue: Given how awful she feels and how unlikely it is that her radiation treatment will actually prolong her life in any meaningful way, Lillian is starting to think she's better off quitting.

Complicating Factors: Lillian knows that Virginia -- who pushed her to pursue an ambitious plan for her pap smear education campaign, who pushes Lillian's doctors to be aggressive in their treatment plans, and who uses her connection to a happy Cal-o-Metric customer at the clinic to push the mean nurse to give Lillian a regular morning slot -- is not going to like it.

Resolution: Lillian tells Virginia she wants to stop treatment, and Virginia doesn't exactly cover herself in glory by basically calling Lillian a quitter. Lillian, exhausted, says, "I can't do this for you. I tried, but I'm done."

Spoiler: Lillian's decision will have further-reaching effects than anyone anticipated.

The Latest Backfire In A Series Of Backfires

Situation: Morgan is interviewing Bill for her story on the study.

What Makes It Awkward? She talked to some other people first, so she's heard about Bill's early childhood bouts with septicemia. He's already not happy to be reminded about his "sickly" youth, and THEN she asks about his checkered (recent) past -- the fire extinguisher through the window at Maternity; beating up Greathouse at Memorial. This puts Bill on the defensive, as does her description of his recent professional issues having "estranged [him] from the white community." With mounting horror, Bill denies this characterization, but these incidents may actually endear him more to Morgan -- or so I surmise when she compares Bill's window-smashing and doctor-beating to "violent tactics" her own community has used to bring about social change.

How is order restored? It isn't. Bill says he doesn't want any of this in the piece, and Morgan reminds him that he doesn't get a say on that. Bill: "It's my study." Morgan: "It's my story." OH SHIT, BILL, YOU DUN GOOFED.

Wilson vs. Bill

After his disastrous interview with Morgan, Bill decides to try to defuse the situation: by going over her head to her editor, one Mr. Wilson, and trying to get him to spike the story. He starts out by claiming that they had some African-American subjects in the study back when he was doing it at Maternity (after having told Morgan the opposite) and that they've had "plenty" at Buell Green (also a giant lie). And the results have given him pause! Turns out there ARE differences between white and black people when it comes to sexuality, like penis size, greater sexual appetites, and higher testosterone in black males. WHAT DO YOU KNOW. If Morgan's story goes forward, Bill will be forced to publish his results, so...? "I think you're lying," says Wilson, my hero. He knows Bill is using this gambit because he doesn't want to be the subject of a story that makes him look like the professional outcast he actually is, so he's making transparent threats to try to prevent it from happening. Bill, who just learned that male lynching victims were often castrated when Hendricks told him like two days ago, has the balls (pun kind of intended) (sorry) to bring this up: does Wilson want to be responsible, even indirectly, for perpetuating the misconceptions about black men that led to that kind of brutality? Then Wilson EVEN MORE AWESOMELY puts on a shuck-and-jive-y attitude: "Yes, Dr. Masters, I'm sho' scared of what your study might do!" Bill does not care for this (because he knows he totes deserves it), so he sniffily cites his "office full of accolades" and all the connected dudes whose wives' guts he's pulled babies out of and who he therefore thinks will back him up if this becomes a whole public Thing: "Let's see who the public listens to: me or you." Gonna say the guy who knows it's "whom"? Anyway, then he stomps out like a little bitch.

Winner: Wilson, particularly after a rightly shamed Bill has to slink to the elevator and peep this sign.

Gene vs. Betty

Betty is giddy before the big party she and Gene are throwing to celebrate Pretzel King's nationwide syndication and proposes going upstairs for a quickie, but whoops, when Gene told Al how he and Helen were cut off from the Morettis' friendship, Al -- either totally innocently, or to needle Gene -- mentioned how weird it is that Betty's quitting Helen when they're close enough to kiss each other on the lips, which Al saw them do outside the ladies' room the night they all went out to dinner. ("I had aunts that used to lip-kiss, but they were guineas." - Al.) So I guess Gene's been sitting on this for hours or days and waiting for this moment to spring it on Betty. First, to the indecent proposal, he snaps, "Is that your attempt to reassure me? Because I'm reassured." He mentions all the other men Betty has known, and that he knows she never loved any of them: "Because you love Helen." If he wasn't sure before, the way her face falls pretty much confirms his suspicions. "Who are you, Betty?" Desperately, Betty says she "loved Helen, but that doesn't matter." Gene is not having it this time, and starts listing all the other lies she's told him, asking rhetorically if now he's not supposed to care if she really wants Helen. Betty replies that she "care[s]" for Gene, but that's not enough: "'Care' is what you have for a stray dog you find in the road! Love is what you have for someone that you share your bed with! ...You want to sell yourself, you're the pro here: go ahead. I will-- I cannot sell myself this cheap."

Winner: Gene. Poor Gene.

Friends 'Til The End (Which Is Soon)

After stopping by with an offer to go run errands for Lillian (and getting the surprise of a last bequest), Virginia has stayed, and she and Lillian are killing a bottle of red wine and talking about love. Lillian hasn't had a lot, because she was way taller than the boys she knew starting when she was thirteen. Virginia, amused, asks if the boys didn't catch up eventually, and Lillian says they did, but that "a little piece of you is always the girl you were at thirteen." No one's ever loved her that she knew of: "I've had relations a few times. No one's ever stayed." Uh, maybe that's because you called it "relations"? She adds that "that kind of closeness" is what she's missed out on in her life, but notes that Virginia has that with Bill. Virginia, clearly still rattled by The Kiss, scoffs and drinks. "He loves you," says Lillian firmly. Virginia shakes that off: "He never says it." "But you know it," Lillian insists. "It's everything, isn't it?" Later, Virginia tucks a boozy Lillian in and sits on the edge of the bed, helping Lillian drift off using the same technique she uses on her kids: tracing words on their foreheads. She talks about seeing constellations in Lillian's freckles, including what I thought was Atalanta, but which the captions apparently said was "Lilliantha," the idea being that Virginia based a mythic heroine on Lillian. Petting her hair, Virginia tells her all about the beautiful warrior: "She knew who she was, and that is why she burns so brightly." Choking back tears, Lillian takes Virginia's hand and bravely gazes into her eyes. And then Virginia leans down and plants a long kiss on Lillian's lips.

It's not quite as chaste as guinea aunts, but it's not Helen and Betty, either: it's a loving kiss that demonstrates that these two have gotten over all their past conflict and are at peace with each other, which will be important in case ANYTHING HAPPENS.

Having caught Coral continuing to let Robert drive her home from work DESPITE LIBBY'S EXPLICIT ORDERS AGAINST IT, Libby has followed them home -- with the baby, like don't involve him for shit's sake -- and when she sees which building they've gone into, she creeps in after them (scraping her leg on her fender in her haste) and tries to find which unit is Coral's by rifling through all the letters scattered around the mailboxes! It's in this compromised situation that Robert finds her! She announces that she's looking for Coral! He asks what she wants! "Is that another threat?" she spits! "Just because you're her boyfriend--" "Who told you that?" Libby says Coral did! But Robert IS Coral's brother! WAY TO FUCK WITH LIBBY, CORAL! They have different last names because they have different fathers! Libby starts to defend her misapprehension but quickly realizes she can't really tell him, "That's weird, she told me how good you are at fucking!" As she trails off, embarrassed, Robert sees that her leg is bleeding and tries to tend to it, no doubt getting covered in her drippings in the process! She makes him stop, and he says that whatever Coral told her wasn't true! She then produces some money and tells him to give it to Coral! It's her severance! She's fired! And Robert is so stunned he can't even respond before she's stumbling back to her car, crying and I assume silently cursing a society that would celebrate her marrying a toad like Bill but would keep her from falling in love with and subsequently getting her brains screwed out by Robert!

Lillian calmly gets out of bed and contemplates the night sky!

Libby silently smokes and touches her leg where it was touched by Roooooooooobert!

Virginia lets herself back into Lillian's! Hearing something and assuming Lillian's up (at least, I assume, because otherwise she's being very rude to a drunk cancer patient who needs her rest), she calls out that she came back because she forgot Lillian's envelope for her parents! Then she sees Lillian looking weird in bed, next to an empty glass of wine and some scattered sleeping pills! Virginia calls an ambulance and is about to give the address when she looks at Lillian again (she's breathing, shallowly), and hangs up, evidently deciding to take no for an answer for once and let this happen!

Bill is freaking out in his office when he sees Hendricks at the door! Bill starts to say he's never misrepresented his work before, not even as a tactic, but Hendricks has already heard from Wilson and doesn't really need to hear the FUCKING COWARD version of their encounter! Bill says he can't continue like this, and Hendricks gets it: he worked at Good Samaritan for years before realizing he had to leave and turn his passion to the work he was really meant to do! He doesn't think Bill can work in a hospital anymore, and be beholden to other people's rules! "God knows who would have me even if I could," Bill agrees! "So cut the cord," Hendricks tells him! Bill can't imagine it: "Twenty-five years of a career!" and so on. "It feels like dying, and it is," Hendricks tells him. "So let's see if you have the guts to be reborn: I want your office cleaned out by morning"! At least he'll be able to pee without getting accosted by Bill from now on!

Bill goes to Virginia's, but when he rings the bell, it's Matt Camden! Bill, confused, says he's looking for Virginia, and even though he's not interested in kids, it's GOT to hurt when Tessa doesn't even recognize them (and they definitely have met)! Anyway, Matt introduces himself as "Shelly Decklin" (lord), and affably says he thought Bill might be Virginia, who's apparently in the middle of blowing off a date with him! "Who are you?" Bill sputters! "I just said," chuckles Shelly! "Who are you to Virginia?" Bill presses! "I'm her beau," says Shelly! Bill notes that if Shelly's inside, he must have a key! It must be serious! Shelly says he guesses it is; they've been dating a couple of months -- ever since they met at that boxing match! Bill makes to leave, dodging the question of who he is! He leaves no message! He staggers away and has a panic attack! BILL IS GETTIN' UPSET!

Virginia holds vigil over Lillian, eventually curling herself around her in bed.

Bill somehow manages to make it home, and sits next to Libby, saying he's not feeling well and taking her hand!

AND JOHNNY SWINGS AWAY LIKE THE HAPPIEST GODDAMN BABY ON EARTH! Oh, Johnny! I feel so bad for you that it can't last!