Masters Of Sex Throws A Book Launch Party!

The Buckland Stops Here...To Ask Some Tough Questions

Exposition Barfed At Us From The "Four Months Earlier" Flashback

• There's some kind of large-scale construction project happening outside, idk???

• Lester's married with children (to/by whom, we don't yet learn).
• Betty still works for Masters.
• Bill is super-nervous about proofing the galleys of the book.
• Bill and Virginia are about to go away for a break at a lake house.
• Bill doesn't even trust Virginia not to wreck the pages of the galley.
• Virginia wants to take off the next four months so she can finish her psychology degree before the book comes out.
• Many years have gone by because this is what Bill's eldest son looks like now...

• ...and he's maybe gay?
• And this is Tessa.

• It would seem she's not gay.
• At some point, Libby had a third child, Howie.

• It seems reasonable to assume his father is not Robert.
• Bill still has no patience for or interest in his or anyone else's children, as we see when the kids are running around making noise as kids do and he loses it and screams at them.
• Bill was counting on staying in a room alone -- without Libby -- but Tessa's in that room and there's nowhere else for him to go, UH OH.

Actually, This Might Be The Sexual Revolution?

Situation: Virginia is getting ready to move her stuff into her room when she hears what are, unmistakably, sex noises down the hall.

What makes it awkward? Since Tessa's outside and all the Masters kids are too little and no one else is there, Virginia knows it's Henry, even before she very quietly opens the door and sees a couple fuckin'.

How is order restored? In the moment, Virginia backs up and deliberately makes a lot of noise to alert Henry that she's out there, so he's able to collect himself and throw his partner out the window before opening the door to Virginia. But in the long term, it's clear Virginia's disturbed that her seventeen-year-old son is boning. (That he's so indiscreet about it is probably also shocking to her. He must get that from his father!)

No Degree Burn

Back in the present at the press conference, Needler-in-Chief Buckland raises the matter of Virginia's credentials, just as she'd feared someone was going to. Before she can say anything, Bill jumps in to mansplain that Virginia's just gotten her degree, though why that would forestall anyone's possible doubts about the legitimacy of the work she's been doing for the past twelve years as an amateur, I'm not really sure -- and anyway, it's a moot point: when Bill follows her into the bathroom where she's retreated to cry, she scolds him for answering on her behalf because, uh, actually, she hasn't gotten that degree after all: she still hasn't taken her finals, so she hasn't graduated yet. Hey, maybe he could take his cock out of your mouth long enough for you two to have a conversation? It would be a bad enough for him not to know what her status is even if they were just regular research partners, but the fact that they're research partners AND FUCKING really makes it a terrible gap in his knowledge of her. Anyway, thumbs down on you, Virginia: tell a homeboy this shit so he doesn't accidentally lie up your press conference, damn!

Get The Look: Sassy Teen On The Rag

So you're on a beach vacation, but all of a sudden Shark Week's broken out? That's no reason not to look your best.

Killer Dress: A more tentative young lady might not want to risk this completely adorable frock when she's out of Kotex and has probably crammed her underpants with toilet paper until her quasi-uncle/mom's secret slampiece can take her into town to stock up on pads. But Tessa's pretty sure she's got this world figured out and that she can just order her menstrual flow to stay away from her dress lining.

Bohemian Belt: The hippies haven't made that many inroads in Missouri yet, but this rough-hewn cord belt setting off the orderly print of the dress is a sign of things to come.

Gigantic Maxipad: Of course Tessa didn't pack any "just in case" feminine products: bringing maxi pads she might not have even ended up needing would be a real waste of four suitcases. But now that what she's about to be wearing has been a topic of conversation with Bill, they might as well do what Virginia had hoped and have a frank conversation about Tessa's sexuality to make sure she doesn't accidentally get pregnant or the clap. Tessa's even willing to let Bill give her this Talk if he'll let her drive! How generous of her!!!

All Tina, All Shade

Situation: Libby and Virginia are in town getting groceries when they happen upon Henry.

What makes it awkward? First, the fact that he's with Tina, the girl Virginia saw him boning the day before. But it gets worse when Virginia invites her for dinner and Tina says she can't: "My little one's waiting at home and he gets anxious if I leave him too long." And THEN Henry says he won't be there for dinner and they start arguing about whether he should be with a girl who has a family and when he's going to get a job, and he starts walking away from Virginia and into the street, where he promptly gets hit by a car.

How is order restored? It takes a while: the next thing that happens is Libby descending on Henry -- who seems basically fine -- and hysterically overreacting...all the way to the ER, where Virginia tries to calm her down by pointing out that Henry just scraped his knee and Libby accuses her of being too cavalier about everything: "ALL I KNOW IS THAT HENRY COULD HAVE DIED." When Libby goes out to get some air and Virginia follows, Libby calms down and admits what we've already seen: that she's on two Serax a day. She explains she's taking them because she can't stop thinking about how dangerous the South has gotten. Virginia very gently suggests that maybe there are better ways for Libby to process the daily news than taking drugs, and Libby agrees, "Life is filled with loss. It is ridiculous to think you can stop it." YIKES. Also, don't listen to Virginia: you might need to kick that dosage up to four.

We're Looking For A Few Good Men, Or Several Okay Men Who Could Add Up To One Good One

Name:	Sergeant Marcus Ivey.
Age:	Mid 30s.
Occupation:	Army recruiter.
Goal:	To convince as many impressionable boys who don't read the news to enlist in the armed forces and serve in the Vietnam War, in which capacity Henry sought his acquaintance last summer. Yes, Henry is considered a worthy prospect to serve even though he looks like a pre-Captain America Steve Rogers.
Sample Dialogue:	"That is one tough kid, make no mistake about it."

1966 Father Of The Year

Sorry, Johnny: Daddy can't make you dinner. What do you think he is, your parent?

Now, get out of the way so Daddy can give his book manuscript kisses and push it on the swing.

Virginia vs. George

Virginia's gone to George to yell at him about Henry's dumb plan to join the military, but surprise! George knows, he just didn't say anything to Virginia because he didn't think Henry was actually serious about it. "You have been a perfect shit in almost every respect, but especially for taking my kids away," spits Virginia, which I think might give us all an inkling as to why she hasn't nailed down that degree in PSYCHOLOGY yet. George calmly points out that at no time in the past four years has Virginia suggested revisiting their custody agreement, because it actually suits her life pretty well. After some more sniping on her side, George says they have to sign the consent form for Henry (since he's underage), and when Virginia says she won't, George says he'll sign it on his own; only one parent has to do it. (He also exposits that the kids cost him his marriage to Audrey, who I guess wasn't as great a mom as George sold her to Virginia.) Anyway, George thinks that if they jolly Henry along, they'll be able to talk him into taking a non-combat position. He then gives us all a demo on how good he actually is at placating people to induce them to do what he wants by telling Virginia he owns "the hash [he] made of it as a parent a lot of the time, but not always," and assuring her that he's with her "lockstep" on...like, not wanting their son to be killed. Darkly (and/or foreshadowingly), Virginia says she can't have Henry come home in a flag-draped coffin. But I guess that means she's hoping for him to get a job writing the Stars & Stripes jumble in Germany or something.

Winner: George.

No-lita

Situation: Bored at home while Virginia's dealing with Henry after his car accident and then complaining about Henry to George, Tessa gets into the liquor cabinet and, while Bill's been distracted proofing his manuscript, gotten very drunk, which is where Bill finally finds her, giggling in the tub.

What makes it awkward? When Bill tries to get Tessa sorted out before her mother gets home, she sloppily comes on to him: "Touch my breasts. You like my breasts." Naturally, this is exactly the point when Johnny wanders by.

How is order restored? Kind of not? Bill runs after Johnny to try to do damage control, but Johnny heatedly says he doesn't want to talk about it. Bill keeps pressing, and Johnny loses it: "I don't want to talk about it! I just said! So shut up about it!...Just go do your work, you fucker!" Look, I know Johnny is way too young to have any kind of sexuality yet, but...can we at least all agree that slam proves the library is open? Johnny has a specific reason to be upset, though, other than the obvious: "You NEVER kiss Mommy, and then you kiss Tessa! Why would you even do that, you freak?!" And then Johnny gets a greeeeeeat idea.

Bill gets in Johnny's face and growls, "Say you're sorry, you little shit! Say it!" "I'll never say sorry to you, ever!" screams Johnny -- definitely his father's son...

...which is when Bill notices that he's threatening his pre-tween son with a CLOSED FIST about a pile of papers he can easily replace, and realizes he's his father's son, too. Bill finally relaxes everything that was clenched (except emotionally), and defeatedly tells a still-defiant Johnny, "You're grounded."

Because Your Kiss Is On My List Of The Things That Really Made This Weekend Suck Hard

Situation: Libby's having mixed feelings about Bill -- she came home after hours to see he was so neglectful of their children that they fell asleep on the chaises outside...but then he said she could read the manuscript...but then he still wouldn't sleep in her room and told her he was going to leave early -- so she's brought them in to Virginia.

What makes it awkward? Virginia is having a pretty shitty day, and it's not really helped when Libby broadly hints that she's fine with Bill fucking around on her with Virginia as long as he doesn't leave Libby. Then she does this.

"I always wondered what it felt like with you," says Libby.

How is order restored? It isn't. Libby kisses Virginia and then just hangs out while Virginia tries to keep her head from exploding.

Jumping back to the present (uh, in 1966), Virginia and Bill wind up a press conference that could charitably be described as "a mixed bag" by congratulating themselves for having taken a risk by throwing a press conference at all, and saying that whatever the reporters write, the two of them stand by their work! Everyone present knows the fear that surrounds the subject of sex: "All of you, in this room, suffer it. The legacy of many generations, it affects us all in ways that we are only beginning to understand. But it wasn't always this way. No, before the Industrial Revolution, people lived on farms, and Mom would take Pop's lunch out to the field, and they would eat, and then do something else, right there, under a shade tree. In that world, sex was a given -- it was valued, enjoyed, even if it wasn't understood scientifically. We believe our book, Human Sexual Response, will reacquaint all of us with our natural selves -- free of fear, but also full of understanding!" And then he just kind of trails off, because showmanship is not his strong suit!

Buckland's like, just one more thing, and Bill's all, REALLY DUDE, but it turns out he should be happy Buckland's not done because he wants to explain why he's been up their asses all day: it's because he's so impressed by Bill and Virginia's really super honesty! "I believe your book deserves such scrutiny. It deserves an honest evaluation as to the impact of such material societally. Not just the immense scientific value it provides to the medical community. Because the contribution is immense. The study sheds light on an area that has, up until now, been the dark side of the moon, and if we view the sexual union as so sacrosanct that it cannot be open to question, we should remember a similar view was taken regarding the stars, in Galileo's day. And I think we can safely say Galileo had the last laugh on that one." And then someone STARTS A SLOW CLAP! I mean, come on.

Virginia is pleased! Bill is as dyspeptic as ever!

And then Virginia is booking it back into her old bathroom stall in this bizarrely empty hotel ladies' room and pukes! When she emerges, wiping her mouth, Bill is standing there, and states, "You're pregnant"! She gives the tiniest nod in history! GOOD JOB PREVENTING PREGNANCY, PROFESSIONAL SEX RESEARCHERS, DR. DREW JUDGES YOU AND SO DO I!

O RLY? But does that mean Howie was real and that his shitty dad really did once let him fall asleep outside at the lake???