...The Big Banging Theory?

Love's Baby Soft

Situation: After last week's successful resurrection of Bill's boner following his beatdown at his brother's hand (fist), it's time to discuss both matters.

What makes it awkward? While Virginia eagerly tries to draw a connection between the myriad emotions Bill was feeling in the moment -- anger, regret, shame -- and his tumescence, Bill would rather make a practical attempt to repeat his performance, asking what "it" was like for her and how he felt inside her ("Hard"). But then...we cut back to them later and apparently it didn't work.

How is order restored? It's not, except in the sense that Bill's impotence has been the order of the day for the past couple of years. He stomps away when Virginia tries to reassure him; the next morning, he wakes up in his twin bed at home with a big, useless boner.

Seeing A Man About A Horse Key?

The Sexual Revolution Will Be Televised

Alert Type: Fame Alert.

Issue: Bill has agreed to make this documentary for CBS about his work with Virginia.

Complicating Factors: WHERE TO BEGIN. He's supes nervous before anything even starts. Shep puts him on his heels by suggesting that he'll look like less of an egghead (basically) if he trades his usual bow tie for a regular normal human man tie (and when Shep hears that Libby can bring one, he's eager to get her on camera as well -- officially to bolster the story that Bill is a normal family man whose wife is totally fine with his working so closely with a woman but obviously secretly to make Bill look like less of a pervert). But when the pre-interview starts, matters degenerate further. Bill's terrible on camera -- dour, silent, failing to make eye contact with Roger, his interviewer. He's further unbalanced by the news that he can't use clinical terms like "masturbation" on TV. And on top of aaaaaaaaaall that: he keeps sweating off the concealer he put on his black eye.

Resolution: Bill finally finds a graceful way to explain to the viewer why he seems to be treating them like children; Shep, Virginia, and Larry the boom guy...

...all approve.

Spoiler: Not being able to say "orgasm" on TV is but one of the unforeseen problems with this whole fiasco.

Frankly, My Dear, You're Freaking Me Out

The news that Clark Gable's had a heart attack has hit Flo kind of hard: he was her first crush, and watching Rhett's forceful relationship...um...style in Gone With The Wind was apparently formative for Flo. Long story short: now that she's had regular vanilla sex with Austin, she's ready to move on to having him break into her house and fake-rape her. And Austin reeeeeeeally loves this job, so I guess he's going to be breaking a window later.

Way To Go, The South

Alert Type: Racial Tensions Alert.

Issue: Dr. King got arrested protesting and everyone at CORE is, obviously, pretty upset about it.

Complicating Factors: They're going to be fielding calls in the office for the next several hours as they wait for developments, but because Libby has to support Bill in his whole TV thing, she can't work today.

Resolution: With a regretful look, Libby wanders up to the clinic.

Spoiler: Libby's going to have a pretty good reason to blow off the taping soon.

That Third Wheel's Always In The Way

One has to assume that Libby has had serious suspicions, before now, that Bill and Virginia might be more than just very close work colleagues, but it's not until she sees the two of them sharing their easy rapport and finishing each other's sentences for Roger that something clicks into focus for Libby and she realizes that they have become a twosome of some kind, and that she's on the outside of their partnership. And then she's like, fuck this. FINALLY. Libby, I'm just going to leave this here for you, check it out when you get a chance.

Virginia is annoyed to see George at her place of business -- today of all days -- but it turns out he's not there to borrow money, as she had assumed. He has a six-week tour of Europe coming up, and he wants to take the kids!

Europe FAQ

Q: They're just supposed to yank the kids out of school?
A: The trip's set to encompass Thanksgiving and Christmas break, so at most they might miss two weeks, and they're not exactly college-bound in the near future, so really, who cares.

Q: Audrey's going too?
A: Yes, Audrey's going too.

Q: Wait. Who's Audrey?
A: Sometime since we last saw him, George got remarried; Audrey's his new wife.

Q: Is there any point in Virginia's trying to revise the custody agreement so that this trip can't happen?
A: The personable divorce lawyer who just moved into the office basically tells her that unless she thinks George is going to endanger the kids, she shouldn't mess with a custody agreement that, on the whole, works pretty well for everyone.

Q: Plus is Virginia really one to talk?
A: Seriously. Pam the babysitter is more of a mother to Tessa and Henry than Virginia is most days, as we see when Pam brings them to the office and lovingly disciplines them right in front of Virginia.

Q: What's the upshot?
A: As a working woman whose "work" frequently involves her fucking her boss, Virginia probably always has a certain amount of low-level guilt on a simmer; this Europe business just brings it to a boil for a second, but she knows George isn't unfit, so even though it means she'll be spending Christmas alone, she decides to let it happen.

Get The Look: Makeshift Scarlett O'Hara

Austin knows better than to mess with the best job he's ever had, but when he duly breaks into Flo's place, he gets more than he expected.

Corset: A larger woman needs to maximize her best features. A corset pushes Flo's up, out, and in your face. And her face!

Wild Mane: A coiffure that tells your partner, "This is no lady. This is a lascivious beast who needs taming!" (If he doesn't get it -- he might not be that smart or imaginative -- just spell it out for him.)

Post-Coital Cigarettes: Have them on hand...but make him work for his.

Science vs. Entertainment

No sooner has Bill come from a discussion with Lester about the TV philistines who are trying to sensationalize and cheapen Bill's work, dumbing it down for a mass audience and thus working against the very mission under which Bill started the study in the first place, then he comes out to the lobby and meets a young couple with whom Bill and Virginia are going to stage an intake interview! Except, they're not really even a couple; they're actors, of course. As Shep et al excitedly say that a staged interview will give the viewer a chance to see how Bill and Virginia help people with their sex lives, Bill has to explain yet again that he and Virginia have barely started treating sexual dysfunction; all they really do is observe people having sex, mostly alone. And even if this particular intake interview isn't real, if it's televised, Bill's real study subjects will have reason to think he doesn't respect their privacy and anonymity. Even Virginia -- who's been enthusiastically going along with everything all day -- can tell this is an ethical issue. But Shep takes Bill aside and tries to talk him into doing things the TV way by citing his other client, who didn't just invent the birth control pill: he sold "pleasure without consequence." Shep reminds Bill that it doesn't matter if Bill's never cured a case of sexual dysfunction, because he will. The documentarians can massage the truth of Bill's work for the greater goal of letting the world know Bill got to sex research first, which is what all of this was supposed to be about. And then the crew hangs around to eat dinner and stuff so I guess we're supposed to think Bill caved and let them stage the intake interview? But it's kind of unclear?

Winner: Uh. Draw?

Officer Bigot, Reporting For Duty

After Libby blew off Bill's big TV taping in favour of helping out at CORE, Robert's driven her home, and the shocks of the day have apparently emboldened Libby into getting a bit salty with him. When he mentions the SCLC in passing and asks if she knows what it stands for, she doesn't (which...you'd think that one would have seeped in by osmosis on about her second day at CORE), and she observes that he must like testing her, given how much he does it, but she's not sure if he wants her to pass or fail. "Why would I want you to fail?" he asks. She thinks he would like to write her off as a dilettante, and when he doesn't know that word, she tartly says she doesn't think that makes him stupid. He says he just thinks she's uninformed, and she agrees that she is, on the specifics. But just as they're getting into this trenchant, interesting, mutually challenging conversation, some dickhead cop has to come to Robert's window and hint that he's about to assault Libby. Unfortunately, her first misstep is to say, "He's with me," which gets the cop's suspicions up even further, so she smoothly explains that he's "a co-worker of [hers] and he was kind enough to drive [her] home," and he can't just leave now because she invited him in. The cop doesn't really have grounds to prevent Robert from entering a home into which he's been invited, so he stands down, but of course things get a little physical as Robert gets out of the car and Libby has to get between him and the cop -- though not before the cop roughly handles the front of Robert's shirt and pulls off a button. I obviously can't support the officer's attitude or methods...but I like where things go from here, so I guess I owe him half a thank-you for his part in what is yet to come, AS IT WERE.

We're Not So Different, You And I

Bill's hard day doesn't get any easier when Larry the Boom Guy stops by for a chat.

Buttons And Butts

Since a very nervous Robert refused to take off his shirt alone in Libby's house, she had no choice but to sew the replacement button on with him still in it, and when it turns out that the spare button she chose is too big for the buttonhole (hee hee), he tries to make a quick exit because he's not looking for any trouble tonight from her neighbour across the street or the cop parked up the road. But Libby wants to talk about times when he WAS looking for trouble, like when he threw a brick through a window to steal those tires. He dismisses that as dumb kid stuff, but see, she never got to be a kid like that. She was always treated like a little grownup, and loved being a teacher's pet, but now that she's an adult and there's no one left to grade her, she's just gotten more and more quiet, and forgotten the sound of her voice, and her husband ignores her like she isn't there, and in some ways, maybe she isn't. Robert's hostility has been exciting because at least it means he sees her. Robert tries to be disgusted by the idea that being discounted makes her feel alive, but he doesn't have much time to be disgusted because then Libby has pounced on him and started kissing him and he's kissing her back.

So now we know: if you forcibly wash a guy's sister's hair because you think she's dirty, it'll only take him about two years to get over it!

Smoking post-coitally, Flo laughs at Austin's previous, very conventional role-playing scenarios (Sleeping Beauty; milkmaid and stable boy); he can't wrap his mind around what appeals to her about a rape fantasy! She asks if he's just always been good-looking -- "Weren't you ever a pimply-faced beanpole?" -- but apparently he has always been a dreamboat! Flo guesses she wanted to be Scarlett for fun because she's got to be Rhett the rest of the time? Austin tries to suggest that maybe now that she's figured it out, she's gotten it out of her system? Maybe? No dice: "When has self-awareness ever changed a person's behaviour, huh?" Flo is still having fun with Austin as her toy, and she's not ready for this to be over! But! "It would be nice if you gave a damn"!

Libby and Robert totally Do Sex on her undoubtedly immaculate kitchen floor! We all assume this is the first good sex of Libby's whole life, right?

And then Virginia finds a freaked-out Bill in the otherwise empty office! He's still worried about presenting themselves as sexual saviours when -- and I don't know if you've heard this -- they've still never cured anyone's sexual dysfunction! Wearily, Virginia tries to lie that he did well, but Bill knows he doesn't have "a twinkle," like the one Shep said Jack Kennedy has! Virginia says she's seen Bill smile, but he's not having it! "I'm the guy with sweat on his brow, with the makeup stains on his collar, the one who's uncomfortable in his own skin....Why would people want to watch me?" Apparently, he's still hung up on the boom guy's whole "Beauty And The Beast" crack, and now Bill's big problem is he doesn't think he's cute? Virginia is so over it that all she can say is that she finds him attractive, and what more does she want from him: "I'm here, I am here, I am not at home, I'm not putting my kids to bed, I'm here! With you!" But Bill is not in a state to hear about her problems, like, at all! "How can you possibly want to be with me? With this?! Someone who looks like this-- All the makeup in the world-- I'm the guy who doesn't smile! I can't twinkle! I can't fuck!" Virginia realizes that it's Bill Time and goes over to hold him, and he clings to her like she's the only thing keeping him from being sucked up in a cyclone! "I'm here," she repeats! And then she sinks down to the floor in a Pietà pose and rocks him like a baby! I truly don't see what Virginia is getting out of this relationship at the moment so all I can assume is that Bill's even BETTER with his mouth than Danny Castellano!