Rage About Your Crappy Baby Shower All You Want, But Do NOT Joke About Rayna's Hair!

We Both Reached For The Gun

Who called the meeting? Sadie and Luke, I suppose, since Sadie's turned herself in...

What's it about? ...for shooting Pete.

How'd it go? I mean, it's never a great morning when you're sitting in an interview room with a detective telling him all about how you killed the ex you just outed as a domestic abuser on a national morning news show with an unregistered gun. But as we cut between Luke's conversation with the detective and Sadie's, it looks like both of them are telling the real story of what happened ("looks like" being the salient phrase).

Good Luck, Baby

Alert Type: Momzilla Alert.

Issue: It's the day of Juliette's baby shower, and she is going fucking nuts.

Complicating Factors: Avery's not there to talk her back to sanity as she throws out one million choices for baby names -- "I think I like Olivia....No, I don't like Olivia. No no no, that name is way too snooty-sounding. How about Talia? I was thinking Talia, it sounds kind of exotic, right?...Then I was thinking, are we going for a real name here, or a celebrity name, like North or Lincoln or Apple, or Moon Unit..." -- and bitches about the decorations Rayna, the shower's hostess, has chosen. Emily says she thinks the decorations are pretty, which opinion is apparently incorrect.

Resolution: There is none: Juliette just keeps cranking herself into a higher and higher level of manic awfulness.

Spoiler: When she hears what one of her fellow Highway 65 artists did last night, she is not going to be happy.

Exes And Whys

Situation: Scarlett and Gunnar (and poor Avery) are still on tour.

What makes it awkward? Gunnar went to make a Big Romantic Gesture to get Scarlett back now that he's seen she likes another guy, only to find her room empty and figure out she was with Caleb; now he's all pissy about her for making them wait for her at the bus, shrugging off her attempt to comfort him when the news about Pete's shooting makes it onto TV, and generally making everyone's time on the bus uncomfortable. Surprisingly, though, among the issues Gunnar attacks Scarlett is NOT her day-after hair, though he certainly could have. And should have.

Lady, you are outside. Where people are. I know we're supposed to think you're coming to the bus freshly fucked, but Caleb didn't pack A COMB?!

How is order restored? I mean, Avery does his part by telling each of them separately to talk to the other and work this shit out, because his artist's having SHOT SOMEONE is probably going to put his producing career on hold for a while so he needs this band to work, but you should never underestimate Gunnar's capacity to be an idiot.

That Pregnant-Lady Glow Is Wearing Off Fast

What's the occasion? Juliette's baby shower.

What are the refreshments? Cake, cupcakes, probably some kind of pink custom cocktail.

Whose big public scene will everyone be talking about tomorrow? Well, that's the thing: no one's going to be talking about anything because no one is coming. "Kacey" sent her regards; "Miranda" has the flu; "Sheryl" has to go to her kid's play; even a bunch of Juliette's backup singers are out other tours. And just as Juliette's mood is starting to go into the red, Glenn comes in with her gift...and the bad news that Rayna's not coming. Juliette immediately starts ranting about the cosmic injustice of it all until finally Glenn tells her it's because Rayna's at the cop shop with Sadie because she killed Pete. And while Glenn may have held back this information on the theory that it would be the thing that finally gave Juliette some perspective on life, it does not.

Cue the diva fit...

...and shrieking cancellation of the entire event! Oh, Avery. Please come home and control your woman.

Truth Bombs By Albert

If stupid Teddy's going to have the resources to pay for a world-class fixer to deal with the fallout from all his stupid decisions, I'm glad it can be Albert, who is clearly as disgusted by Teddy as the rest of us are. He has duly collected the dirt Teddy requested on Harris, the Finance Director Teddy's trying to manipulate into helping him embezzle half a million dollars for That Hooker -- which sure seems to me like a sting operation she's running on behalf of the feds, by the way -- but the world-weary, judgmental commentary? Oh, that's Teddy's gift with purchase. For instance, when Teddy asks whether Albert ever feels bad about the stuff he does, Albert drawls, "I've only provided you information -- what you do with it's your business." As Teddy looks through the evidence Albert's brought, he comments, "Strangest thing, but in this light, you remind me an awful lot of your father-in-law." And when Teddy ends their meeting because Maddie calls begging Teddy to come get her from Deacon's, Albert delivers the death blow: "I'll leave you to your family. They must be proud." Albert 2016!

Unarrested Development

Alert Type: Dead Pete Alert.

Issue: After sitting at the police station for hours, still covered in Pete's blood -- apparently no one even let her go wash her hands? -- Sadie's statement's been filed and she's free to leave.

Complicating Factors: On her way out, she's told by the investigating detective that it's still an open homicide, so she shouldn't leave town. Rayna protests that Sadie had a restraining order against Pete so her shooting him was self-defense, but the detective says they can't just take Sadie's word for it.

Resolution: After going back to Rayna's for some forcible R&R (and some flashback dreams of the moment she ended her ex-husband's life), Sadie gets a call from the detective.

Spoiler: Whether it's good or bad news depends on how much you like her, I guess?

Leave The Sullen Teenager In Her Room

Rayna having been called in to deal with Sadie, she's left the girls with Deacon for the day, and lucky for Deacon, Maddie's on the rag or something: she ignores the plate of french toast he orders for her when they all go out for breakfast (dumb), yells at Daphne for asking Deacon what cancer feels like (sorry, I know it's cancer, but...hee!), and then stomps into Scarlett's room when they get back to Deacon's and locks the door. Teddy takes a break from doing post-hooker damage control and does show up when she calls him to come get her -- unbeknownst to Deacon, who stops Teddy on the lawn to protest that he's taking care of the girls today, and then admitting that the reason he's so eager to be in charge of Maddie right now is that he's in the process of dying of cancer. Teddy gives him some actually helpful advice -- that the harder he pushes to connect with Maddie, the more she's going to pull away -- and she eventually does let Teddy in and breaks down, saying she's just acting angry because she's so sad she doesn't know how to deal with it, and all of this is fine, but like, when your teenager throws a hissy and then voluntarily absents herself from your presence for a few hours? MAYBE EVERYONE SHOULD JUST ENJOY THE SILENCE. (She does decide to stay, and eventually comes out to apologize to Deacon, and they have a nice moment about not shutting each other out, but like, she would have probably gotten there on her own if everyone had just left her to stew for a while.)

More Like Ron Poach

I guess I'm supposed to be horrified that Bucky drops his loyalty to Rayna by (a) letting Luke tag along to see a recording session by Ron Pope, an artist who's "tearing up the internet," and (b) admitting that Pope is "off-brand for Highway 65" but that if he were Luke's A&R guy he'd sign Pope in a second, opening the door for Luke to offer Pope a deal on the spot. But eh, Bucky's been drifting away from Rayna for a while, and if his departure from the label means that Rayna holds her nose and makes a deal with Jeff for grubby business reasons, that could be a lot of fun, so: for now I am officially neutral on this development.

Rayna vs. Juliette

After putting Sadie to bed (literally), Rayna decides she'd better go make an appearance at Juliette's party, and when she sees the wreckage, she hilariously comments, "Wow, looks like it was some shower!." Who do you think showed up to a baby shower and had so much fun she couldn't help trashing the place, Rayna: Karen Walker? Juliette says she cancelled it, and lays into Rayna for putting other artists like Layla and Sadie ahead of Juliette herself -- now she knows where she stands.

Rayna finally can't take it anymore and screams back at Juliette that she has NO IDEA what Rayna's gone through over the past day, and that she's been trying to be strong for a lot of people but right now she needs Juliette to shut up. Juliette gasps, "OH MY GOD." Rayna immediately backpedals and apologizes for yelling at her, but of course, we saw the promos and we know what Juliette's about to say: that she thinks her water just broke.

LITTLE SITCOMMY, SHOW, BUT FINE.

Winner: Baby Barnes-Barkley.

Gunnar vs. Scarlett

Taking Avery's advice like he should have done immediately rather than spending the day glaring at Scarlett like a creep, Gunnar comes to a quiet compartment in the bus and tells her he's sorry for having been a jerk...buuuuuuut. No, dude, no but! Gunnar's "but" is that he thinks she's "paying too much attention to this doctor" and needs to focus more on the band. He can't believe she slept with Caleb on their second date, and when Scarlett demands to know if he's following her or something, he spits, "I didn't need to -- the walk of shame this morning, it said it all!" Scarlett, quite rightly, tells Gunnar she has nothing to be ashamed about, and furthermore she's not about to take a lesson in sexual ethics from him. Gunnar hilariously doesn't know what she's talking about, and she reminds him about his having started a relationship with her very best friend, like, ten minutes after Scarlett and Gunnar broke up, and I seriously had to Google to remind myself of that friend's name because I miss her 0%. (R.I.P. Zoey, I guess?) But then Scarlett undoes another row of the victory scarf John's been knitting for her all season by saying she turned down his proposal because he was too torn up about his brother's death, and though she waited for him to come back to her "for the right reasons," he never did and she moved on! Gunnar is gobsmacked to learn that Scarlett was ever waiting for him at all, but before they can get into THAT, the bus lurches to a sudden stop, and Avery bursts in to tell them he's leaving because Juliette's in labour: "Whatever is going on with you two, you better figure it out between here and Louisville, 'cause there's still a show tonight and I WON'T BE THERE!"

Winner: Somehow, the baby again!

The Sadie Vanishes

Avery having made it to Juliette's bedside just in time for the final push, Rayna's able to step out to take a call from Sadie. Good news: she's not being charged with murder! Other news: she's going back to Virginia for a while! Rayna's all, of course, take a couple of months, get your head together, but Sadie says she's going to need more time than that to sort her shit out: she killed a man she used to love, and that'll take, I don't know...ten weeks? (JK) Rayna tries to get her to come over so they can talk about this in person, but Sadie says she knows Rayna would just talk her into staying, and she knows she shouldn't. Hmmm, maybe Bucky should have signed Ron Pope, off-brand or not!

Teddy vs. Harris

Good old Finance Director Harris comes into Teddy's office on the warpath: he knows there's something fishy about Teddy's "redevelopment project" (OOH, WORD, I GUESS WE KNOW WHY YOU GOT THIS JOB, YOU GENIUS) and he's going to tell the city council! But Teddy's like, you probably aren't, and busts out Albert's photos of Harris with his girlfriend and their love child, sniffing, "Sometimes we need to shield our families from the mistakes we've made. Don't we." Suddenly Harris thinks this redevelopment project is a winner after all!

Winner: Ugh, Teddy.

Scarlett and Gunnar are packing up after the show where they did a somewhat steamy rendition of a song I guess they wrote together when they first met? Anyway, he's thrilled at how well it went and thinks it means they're totes back together: "The energy, the connection -- you and me, it's all still there! I felt it, I know you felt it too." "Well, as somebody once said to me, all I felt was music." BRRRRRR, IT'S COLD IN HERE! I SAID THERE MUST BE SOME SCARLETT IN THE ATMOSPHERE!

Before blowing town forever, Sadie stops by the studio to see Luke! Seems there was a witness who vouched for Sadie's version of the shooting story, which is crazy because Luke wasn't even on the same floor of the parking garage at the time! She thanks him, and he says it was the right thing to do. He asks if she's okay, and she says, "Not really," though she's glad that Luke's false testimony has shown her that there are still good men in the world -- she just wishes she'd known that sooner! She says a very deliberate goodbye, and he's like, "Was that a 'we can't do whatever this is' goodbye, 'cause it sounded a lot like an 'I'm leaving town' goodbye." "It's both," she tells him. And that's a series wrap on Sadie, probably! I like you, Benanti, but please don't use this free time to make another Go On!

Avery and Juliette and Juliette's miraculously unmussed post-labour hair all admire the baby! She was worried he wasn't going to make it, but nothing matters more to him than "you, and her, and this"! Enter Glenn and Emily to fawn over the baby! Juliette apologizes for the diva fit she threw earlier, but Glenn kindly says, "This is all that matters," adding, "Mom looks good on you." Juliette/me:

Come on, Glenn. Too much. (Just right!)

Later, Avery and Juliette sing the baby a lullaby over a closing montage, starting with Sadie driving out of Nashville! I SAID BYE ALREADY!

Luke pushes through a scrum of reporters asking about his lie-stimony on Sadie's behalf!

Gunnar and Scarlett sulk on the bus! DON'T HURRY BACK FROM PATERNITY LEAVE, AVERY!

Deacon listens to a message about coming in for an MRI that someone left on his answering machine because I guess Deacon lives in 1995!

Rayna snuggles with her sad, exhausted girls! Poor Daphne still hasn't heard what cancer feels like!

And Juliette thinks she knows what the baby's name should be! "What about--" CREDITS. Okay, this was a soapier episode than most, and that's what ends up being the cliffhanger: the baby name? When we can all be pretty sure it's just going to be Juliette's dead mom's name anyway? WHATEVER, SHOW, JOHN CAN DEAL WITH YOU NEXT WEEK.