Will Nashville Follow The Wedding Of The Century With The Divorce Of The Millennium?

Viva La Vita

Kentucky Fried Phony

Alert Type: Authenticity Alert.

Issue: Luke's boring money problems are basically behind him -- he's square with the IRS, and the FBI is investigating the embezzlement -- but now that the story's being reported, his fans no longer buy his brand as a "simple country boy" since it's come out that he could lose $40 million without even noticing. (Also, "simple country boys" don't have brands.)

Complicating Factors: Ticket sales for the next leg of his tour are slow, so his manager recommends going out with a hot act...like maybe Juliette?

Resolution: Luke approaches Avery about getting in touch with Juliette and riding the coattails of all her Oscar buzz, not seeming to get that if he's asking what treatment centre she's in, MAYBE SHE'S NOT REALLY UP FOR IT?! Anyway, Avery's already pissed at Juliette for having to continue living her lie, as we'll get to, so he basically bites Luke's head off and Luke retreats with a quickness.

Spoiler: Luke knows lots of musicians. Some we haven't met yet, even!

Dear Mister President, Someone Responsible Should Be In Charge Of Juliette's Care. I Am Not A Crackpot!

So the first couple of scenes we spend with Avery, he's at Juliette's treatment centre, waiting (not very patiently) to see her. After an hour, her doctor finally comes out and tells him that Juliette's not ready to see him, and he yells at her about his frustration at having to continue lying to everyone they know plus the entire music industry and media about their dead relationship, and the doctor's like, "The last thing Juliette needs now is this kind of drama." I honestly don't even know whose side we're supposed to be on: if the marriage really is over, then the decent thing would be for Juliette to let him quit keeping up appearances, except I know we're eventually going to find out that the reason she stalled was that she hoped they could get back together (which I support, for the record, not so much for her sake but for his, because he loves her and he is miserable). And the idea that a divorce story would hurt the Oscar campaign SHE IS NOT EVEN PARTICIPATING IN is absurd. Anyway, irrespective of who's to blame for their breakup (her), this would be her revenge Oscar -- Reese Witherspoon for Walk The Line much?!

But my REAL PROBLEM here is that if Juliette is legitimately so fragile that her doctor has to intervene on her behalf and stop a potential meeting with her husband about a somewhat pressing legal matter, then someone else should be empowered to represent Juliette so that Avery can just have this conversation he has a complete right to have. I know, uh, Jeff's not representing Juliette anymore, but since her career didn't stop when he died, someone is, and if that someone doesn't know her well enough to step in for this, then he or she should install someone in that role who can.

I guess what I'm saying is: bring Glenn in and let him be the go-between to negotiate the terms of Avery and Juliette's divorce, because this is enough already. And also I know Juliette isn't well but it's shitty to have kept Avery waiting an hour when she knew as soon as he presented himself on campus that she wasn't going to see him. I am not a crackpot.

Lovely Vita, Avoid That Meter Maid

Alert Type: Stray Alert.

Issue: Rayna's come down to the Beverly, on Deacon's recommendation, to see Vita perform and she's a natural and Rayna's excited to sign her!

Complicating Factors: When Rayna suggests that she come to Highway 65 for a meeting in a week, Vita acts weird about it, and then says she needs a job that will allow her to work on her music on the side. Rayna broadly hints that she can get Vita a job at the Beverly, and uses her wifely wiles to get Deacon to give her an interview...

...where Vita shrinks under Frankie's suspicious eye and then stares at the line on her application about whether she's ever been convicted of a felony for ten minutes before taking off.

Resolution: Rayna goes to the address Vita had written on her application -- a motel, where the manager says she doesn't have a room, but pays him to let her park her car in the lot. Vita's made mistakes! She's done things she's not proud of! St. Rayna says she has her own messy story, but that people took chances on her and she's going to take a chance on Vita. (Vita is too gracious to mention that, as the daughter of one of Nashville's richest and most powerful people, Rayna probably couldn't make a mess big enough to ruin her life in any actually serious way BUT I'M NOT.) Rayna urges Vita to go back to the Beverly...

...where Frankie and Deacon argue about the background check requirement they'd already established when they went in together on the business. Deacon points out to Frankie that neither of them would pass such a background check, and Frankie relents and agrees to hire Vita.

Spoiler: Not one thing better go wrong at the Beverly now or you know the felon's going to get blamed!!!

Scarlett Tells Gunnar She Saw Erin Frenching Some Dude

Under duress, because they're about to take the stage and she doesn't want to distract him with this tragic news, but since she has the opposite of a poker face, he forces her to spill by refusing to go on until she does. You: "Erin's still a thing?" I know, right? Who cares.

Same Thing We Do Every Night, Pinky: Try To Ruin Juliette's Life

Alert Type: Evil Plan Alert.

Issue: Now that Colt opened his big mouth to Layla about the real circumstances of Jeff's death, she's clicked back to Crazers Mode and is working on a plan to avenge Jeff by destroying Juliette.

Complicating Factors: No one knows where Juliette is, so Layla can't destroy her one-on-one...

Resolution: ...but she can request that Avery produce her new album, because she's written sixty-three songs and they're all about Jeff. In the close quarters of the studio, Layla can work psy-ops on Avery -- coo about how lucky Juliette is to have someone as "gentle and commanding" as Avery; and later, when he finally cracks and tells her the truth about their marriage, let him know how much better her life got after she divorced Will and how Avery deserves to be that happy too! Layla's so convincing that Avery marches right into Juliette's treatment centre and gives her doctor an ultimatum to relay to Juliette: "If she doesn't come clean about our divorce publicly in the next twenty-four hours, then I will."

Spoiler: Layla is crazy...LIKE A FOX!

Now You Just Need A Samantha And A Charlotte

Remember Cash? She's back, writing with Maddie and encouraging her to go deeper in the subject matter she tackles, even if it seems painful or scary. It's at this point that Maddie decides she's in a safe space with her cool older buddy and blurts that she had sex with Colt, but that he's been acting weird ever since, and for some reason she assumes it's because of their tryst and not maybe because he witnessed a man's death. Chicks, am I right? Anyway, for some reason Maddie thinks this announcement will convince Cash that Maddie's a terrible person, like, was it previously established that Cash is a Christian artist and I missed it? Of course Cash thinks Maddie's allowed to make mistakes and have feelings about them, and also to stand up for herself. "You know what sucks for guys that date girls like us?" she adds. "We get to write songs about them." That can suck for a lot of people.

Just A Good Old Boy Who Doesn't Like Boys Kissing Boys

Situation: At Gunnar and Scarlett's invitation, Will is going to perform one of his new songs during their set.

What makes it awkward? Though the crowd warmly welcomes Will, there's one table of redneck homophobes in the middle -- and, apparently, Frankie's pinching pennies on security because no one even tries to shut them up until Scarlett sends a barmaid over to do what she can. Which is nothing, because this troglodyte is determined to ruin Will's performance, yelling shit like "We already got a queen of country" and "Get off the stage, queer!"...

...before one of his buddies finally throws a bottle at Will's face and breaks his nose. Dude, come on. If there isn't room for many queens of country, what even is the point?!

But the awkwardness continues! Outside in the aftermath, while EMTs patch up Will's nose, the lead heckler gets led off by cops, which Will ruefully says probably isn't going to make much difference since this doesn't seem to be his first arrest. The detective says it's not...but that it will be his first arrest for a hate crime -- a felony -- once Will gives his statement.

Except! As Will tells Gunnar at home the next day, he didn't give a statement; he doesn't want to spend his career sending fuckchops away for hate crimes after every show he does. Gunnar tells him he can't just let this heckler get away with what he did....

How is order restored? ...and Will growls that he's not going to. DUN!

Gunnar Tells Erin He Knows She Kissed Someone

Erin says if Gunnar wants to be monogamous, she will be. NO ONE CARES.

The Beard Stays: You Go, Luke!

Check Who's Home Before You Sing A Confessional Song

Hey, Maddie? It's great that Cash is helping you find your voice and also get revenge on Colt through song, but if you're going to be singing lines like "And all of the love we made / Don't want it to fade from view"...

...maybe give a thought to your sister/partner, who you already know is really jealous of your growing friendship with Cash and might have designs to use this against you?

Can I Ring That Bell?

Who called the meeting? Riff, I guess, initially, by inviting Luke over for a casual barbecue with Riff's perfect wife and well-adjusted kids. But after dinner, he and Luke end up in a drawing room or something, where Luke floats a proposal...

What's it about? ...would Riff consider coming out of retirement to tour with Luke?

How'd it go? It's kind of a weird request given not just that Riff is retired but that when he ran into Luke earlier, it was when he was on his way to help his son cut his first demo. And Riff's initial reaction is to laugh at Luke in disbelief. But he also says he'll talk to his family about it, so he's not rejecting the idea out of hand.

If Colt And Maddie Break Up Now, They Are Never Ever Ever Getting Back Together!

Having followed Cash's advice to write a kiss-off song about Colt, Maddie moves on to standing up for herself, calling him up to confront him about how distant he's been since they had sex. Colt:

Good talk.

Gunnar Tells Erin He Wasn't Jealous When He Heard About Her Side Piece

When Gunnar tells Erin they Need To Talk, she gives him a bunch of happy horseshit about having been hurt before and frenching this other guy because her feelings for Gunnar scare her so much.

Erin figures out that means she's not The One. They break up. BYE, GURL. BYE.

Layla's half paying attention to an entertainment news report on the upcoming Boulevard reunion album (stop trying to make Markus happen, Nashville) when it gives way to one she actually cares about: Juliette's released a statement about her divorce from Avery!

At his house, Avery's watching the same report! WHOOPS, IF THAT WAS A BLUFF, SHE DONE CALLED IT! That Juliette's statement says "I'm grateful for Avery, as he's been a wonderful father, a loving husband, and a patient man through all of this" doesn't seem like much of a comfort!

With tears in his eyes, Avery deliberately takes off his wedding ring! JULIETTE WHY COULDN'T YOU BE A BETTER WIFE TO AVERY AND PERSON IN GENERAL BUT ESPECIALLY THE FIRST THING?

Will stakes out the same bar he got bottled in the night before, waiting for his heckler, MURDER IN HIS EYES!

Gunnar's at home noodling on his guitar and not caring one tiny bit about the breakup he was just involved in ten seconds ago when he gets a call about Will! He immediately calls someone else to say he thinks Will's about to do something stupid!

At Luke's dumb record company, he's super-psyched to tell his manager or whatever the hell this Kenneth guy is all about his Riff idea! Kenneth doesn't think Riff's the kind of act that's going to sell tickets, but Luke has new priorities! "I'm not interested in going with a more current act or a more flashy group just to fill seats. I want to get back to being real."

Gunnar and Scarlett, looking wary, walk through the Beverly looking for Will's antagonist, and soon see him accept a beer the barmaid says someone bought for him! Suddenly, a voice on the mic gruffs, "You're welcome."

Oh shit, Will's going to fight his heckler...with a beautiful song! With the crowd's support, Will defiantly tells the heckler, "You didn't get to finish your beer last night. 'Course I didn't get to finish my song....There ain't nothin' or nobody gonna keep me from singin' ever again." He starts the song again, the crowd all on his side, while the heckler wonders whether hatred is really the way to go in this life after all! Or, he's embarrassed. All five feet of Scarlett steal up behind the heckler and tell him she thinks he should leave...and he does! Love wins! Also music I guess! I'm not sure I'm 100 on the show's message that internalized homophobia you're not completely over is a good reason not to press hate crime charges against violent homophobes who attack you but let's just move on!

A slightly shaky Avery comes to the studio for another session. (I feel it must be said that however much Avery has lost his shit at the treatment centre in this episode, he has not brought any of his anger at Juliette to his sessions with Layla; he only said something to Layla about their separation after Luke crashed one of the sessions to ask him about touring with Juliette again.) Anyway, she tells him she saw the news and asks if he's okay. He says it's a lot to process, and that he's "relieved, scared -- a little resentful too": "I just can't help feeing that Juliette destroyed the life that I thought I would have."

Avery's like, Cuckoo says what? Layla quickly covers: "I understand what you're saying about losing a life with someone." Avery doesn't want to be insensitive about Layla's loss -- she knows he had differences with Jeff -- but he knows Layla loved him, and he's impressed by the way she's bounced back. Layla modestly says that making music with Avery has helped. THAT AND HATCHING EVIL PLANS!!!

Gunnar tells Scarlett about the breakup and how he wants to be with someone in a way that's not casual. Scarlett gets it...but she has to go because someone's waiting for her! Gunnar's like, GO ON!

hee!

Riff FaceTimes Luke to tell him he's in for the tour...but it's not just him!

The entire Clan Bell is going to come! Sounds annoying, but I guess people like Luke who are on the doorstep of debtors' prison can't be choosers! (That's how that expression goes, right?) Luke seems pleased...

...until he hangs up, when he looks like this. Is he worried Kenneth's right about the money, or did Riff's loving family make him lonely for the son who won't acknowledge his texts? Unclear!

Frankie and Vita are the last two left at the Beverly at the end of the night! He's impressed by her work ethic and tells her to go home! She soulfully thanks him and the absent Deacon for the opportunity! RUT ROH!

And then Frankie calls Deacon to say he told him so! Someone stole $500 out of the till tonight! WELL, IT'S ALWAYS THE PERSON YOU MOST SUSPECT, RIGHT?