New Girl Takes A Disastrous Trip To The Desert

What happens when Schmidt, stopped in traffic, gets his car assaulted by a psychotic meth head who just keeps screaming his name? Which is Toby? Well, Schmidt way overreacts, scrapping his original bachelor party plan -- a spa day -- and demanding an extremely manly trip to Las Vegas instead. Best Man Nick is all the way on board with whatever the groom wants, even if budgetary limitations keep them from renting a convertible...but then, aren't motorcycles even more manly?

Well, usually. Schmidt somehow finds a way to fall off his, and to get him back on track for all the very manly fun he knows Schmidt wants to have, Nick suggests a visit to a nearby roadhouse, which turns out to be a spectacularly terrible idea.

For posterity, we present the three quotes that best encapsulate the horrors that might befall city folk who wander into the wrong desert biker bar.

1. You Could Befriend A Lady With Too Many Secrets

   Big Schmidt is very horny, and zeroes in on the prettiest woman in the bar -- yes, the one whose mane has grown past her ankles.

   
2. You Could Get Into A Too Spirited Debate About Resource Management

   Schmidt's request for a whiskey on ice touches a nerve with a fellow patron.

   

   Schmidt tries to find common ground with the locals by saying he thinks they're all concerned about the drought, but that somehow leads to a brawl. Which was probably inevitable.

3. You Could Get Assaulted By A Weapon You Never Would Have Expected

   In the aftermath, our heroes compare notes on how the battle went, and it seems as though Winston will have the best story to tell -- or, if not the best, at least a unique one.

   

   That's assuming he's not so concussed that he can't remember it later.