When New Girl Throws A Wedding, No One Holds Their Peace

When New Girl's Season 4 finale ended with Schmidt's proposal to Cece, we all knew how Season 5 would end, and now it has: with their blessed wedding! But, this being a TV show, it's not without calamity: Winston not only steps on the flash drive containing Schmidt's vows, but also gets too effusive after his rehearsal dinner toast and (he thinks) scares Aly away, though it turns out she just had food poisoning thanks to a casserole made by "Nick's mute park friend" (Tran), and actually: she loves him!; Jess finds an engagement ring near Sam's coat and thinks he's going to propose, but when she tells him she can't accept, he...simultaneously tells her he actually wants to break up with her so that he can start seeing Diane (and, as he's leaving, tells Jess the reason she couldn't accept Sam's hypothetical proposal is that she's in love with Nick -- except when Jess realizes he's right, it's just in time for Reagan to return AND Jess even talks her into giving a real relationship with Nick a shot); when it turns out the ring isn't even Sam's, Schmidt must finally accept the reality that his mother Louise and her "friend Susan" are more than friends and are, in fact, the ones getting married -- since, as Louise reminds Schmidt, "We've been lovers since 1998"; and when Schmidt realizes that the one thing keeping Cece's wedding day from being perfect is her disapproving mother Priyanka's refusal to attend, he books a flight to Portland on a shady discount airline, only to get trapped on the tarmac and miss the whole reception -- but, in his absence, Priyanka shows up on her own, having been swayed by the messages Schmidt's been leaving on her voicemail every Monday since they first met. And when Schmidt finally makes it back to Los Angeles, the actual ceremony takes place exactly where and as it should: in the loft, surrounded only by his and Cece's closest loved ones, and yes, OF COURSE I CRIED.

On the way to the bi-denominational non-altar, each character gets at least one classic line, so let's send off the season with this collection!

Winston

On the eve of the wedding, Cece and Schmidt go off to, as Jess puts it, "sleep in separate beds like boy cousins," they ask for one last kiss...

...which goes on long enough to gross everyone out. Winston encourages them to enjoy this while they still can.

Nick

When Schmidt has to try to recreate the lost vows he spent months writing, Nick assures him that it's no problem: "One of the greatest writers of our time is about to enter this room." And it's Nick! He starts with the basics, telling Schmidt there are only seven types of stories. "Please don't list them," Schmidt begs. Pointlessly.

"Fat boy talks to idiot," Schmidt adds bitterly. Hey, an eighth!

Jess

Before going off to get proposed to, Jess has a parting gift for Cece.

Coach

Returned for the wedding just in time to hear that a dejected Winston, who thinks Aly's rejected him, is closing his heart to love, Coach pulls Winston into the hallway to yell at him to be honest with her -- something he doesn't do much these days.

After Winston's followed Coach's (loud) advice and pressed the elevator button to go talk to Aly, he has a question.

Schmidt

Poor Schmidt suffers the indignity of being confined to his seat on the grounded plane of a very shady airline...

...but rallies and makes his own fun, joining the reception via phone.

But the best moment for this big talker (Cece even mentions looking forward to "a lifetime of joy, growth, and constant mispronunciation of common words" in her vows) is silent: when the rabbi notes that they need a glass for Schmidt to step on in order to end the ceremony...

...Nick's ready with just the right one.