Patience, Thy Name Is Sophia

If nothing else, the first two seasons of Orange Is The New Black demonstrated that whatever prejudices we may secretly harbour regarding prison inmates and the backstories that led to their incarceration, these particular women have ended up at Litchfield for all kinds of reasons; getting raised by crappy parents is the cause in...well, okay, probably more than half their stories. But as a Mother's Day-centered Season 3 premiere reminds us, even those whose moms didn't ruin their lives before they even had a chance to start could have complex feelings on this occasion. Sure, Pennsatucky's dirtbag mom got her jacked up on Mountain Dew and then brought her sugar-spiked ass into the Social Security office to try to use her hyperactivity to mooch more welfare for her care; and Nicky's socialite mother ignored wee Nicky's handmade card and breakfast surprise in her excitement over an imminent spa day; and Piper's mother, as we saw long ago, forced Piper to play along with her WASPy denial about her marriage. But Poussey's mother used to curl up in bed with little Poussey and read Calvin & Hobbes comics with her! Which is why it's especially sad that she's been dead for quite a long time. Arguably, though, no one at Litchfield has a more complicated maternal situation than Sophia: kind of a good mom; kind of a bad mom; kind of not a mom. And it's the way she honestly faces not just the complexities of her life but the ignorance that surrounds them that makes her character so great.

As we know, Sophia's former life was very different than the one she's been living in Litchfield. She was co-parenting a son; she was working as a firefighter; and she was living as Marcus, a biological man. We've seen how Marcus's son Michael wasn't entirely on board with Marcus's transition into Sophia, and was actually angry enough about it to have been the one to call the cops on Sophia, who financed the procedure with stolen credit cards. But Sophia hasn't held this against Michael: she's been understanding and patient and given Michael space to figure out what kind of relationship he wants to have with Sophia as she is now. When Michael came to visit Sophia in prison for the first time, it was indicative that a bridge could possibly be built between them; that Michael is now planning to return to see Sophia on Mother's Day feels like an even bigger deal, symbolically, since it suggests an evolution in Michael's thinking with regard to Sophia's current identity.

Of course, just because one tween boy in Sophia's life has come around in his acceptance and understanding doesn't mean Sophia should expect the same of the adults who live with her every day, and at least one of them is still plenty ignorant. In preparation for Litchfield's Mother's Day extravaganza, Morello shows up in Sophia's salon whining that she needs a makeover so she looks good for her four kids. Gloria, also waiting to be styled, sees through Morello's lie immediately, and when Morello refuses to expose her stomach to prove it's ever been stretched over four fetuses -- two of which were twins! -- Sophia agrees that Morello's kids are as real as Morello's engagement to Christopher, which is to say, fictional. When she tries to move on to Gloria, Morello offers a whole other sob story about losing her van driving job and scrubbing toilets and needing to feel better about herself, and this actually moves Sophia: "I got a soft spot for the pathetics." But Morello immediately digs herself another hole after asking whether anyone's coming to see Sophia this weekend: told that Sophia's son Michael's coming, Morello chirps, "How does that work, with you being a lady-man and all? Do you and his mother both celebrate the day?" "You really want to be calling me a lady-man when I got a fist full of your hair in my hand?" snaps Sophia. "I just thought it sounded nice," whimpers Morello. "I don't know from these things. That's why I'm asking questions." After a moment, Sophia relents, and resumes work on Morello's mop, curtly confirming, "We're sharing the day." Her point is made -- "lady-man" is not a phrase Morello should use to describe Sophia again, and she probably won't -- and Morello does seem sincere in her wish to learn more about how Sophia's family works. Even if she doesn't particularly like it, Sophia accepts that she's going to be called upon to educate the dummies she meets.

Later, when she finally gets to see Michael, Sophia has another opportunity to pass on some of her knowledge. Michael starts out by frankly telling Sophia he feels bad -- "It's her day, and she's just sitting in the car," he says, adding, "I don't need another mother." "I get that," smiles Sophia; if it hurts, she doesn't let on, changing the subject to the pastor Crystal's seeing now. Sophia contradicts the pastor's advice that Michael shave against the grain, on the (reasonable) basis that Sophia knows more about shaving since she has more to shave. Sophia blows past Michael's disgust at the reminder of Sophia's hair removal strategy, and asks whether the pastor's given Michael any advice about girls. Michael says the pastor's advice is for Michael to wait until he's married. "Good lord, one of those," smirks Sophia. She asks whether Michael wants some "real advice." "From my second mom, or from my used-to-be-dad?" mutters Michael, efficiently laying out the unorthodox terms of the discussion. "From former man to current man," says Sophia. "When I was your age, my dad told me, 'Find a real insecure girl, and practise on her. That way, when you meet a girl you really like, you'll be good at it.'" "You really want to be a lady in a world where men do that?" asks Michael. "God help me, I do," Sophia grins. She could give Michael a solid feminist answer about respect and rape culture and so forth -- not that he seems to need it, given his response -- but...I mean, it's something Sophia apparently did when she was Marcus, and I guess it worked. She might want to be Michael's second mom, but something in her also wants to be the kind of dad Marcus had, too. Sophia contains multitudes.

It's not like Sophia is thrilled to have to field rude questions from the uninformed boobs that surround her, but it's hardly the first time we've seen her do it: Sophia's journey through this life has given her insight on a lot of topics, and her willingness to share the wisdom she's accrued may be why she chose to christen herself with that particular name. What I appreciate about her scenes is that she gets to be a real, flawed person, not a perfect trans role model who does and says everything right. There's a lot to be learned from inconsistencies, too, and I love the way Sophia teaches them.