Quantico Goes Undercover And Under The Sheets

This week: everybody gets some! As the NATs practice their undercover skills, Alex and Booth, Shelby and Caleb, and even Elias and Max (yup, Simon's "boyfriend") all take full advantage of their Quantico-expensed hotel rooms, finally delivering on the ridiculous amount of co-worker hookups that this show originally promised. It's not the most surprising of developments, but at least we learn that Liam and Miranda also had an affair once upon a time.

Meanwhile, post-attack, Alex is still held up at Shelby's, displeased by the New York Post headline calling her a "Jihadi Jane." What's a girl to do? Access the deep web and offer up an interview, of course ('cause we're supposed to assume the deep web is something you learn at Quantico?). Thankfully, a group known as The Unknown comes to her rescue, and Alex asks to conduct the interview in the basement of a mosque -- because, you know, the FBI might be able to trace their broadcast feed. Good thinking, Alex. Is that Nimah I spot in the crowd? Or maybe Raina?

Anyway, here are the Shady Rankings of the week, counting down from on the up-and-up to mayor of Sketchtown:

1. Nathalie Vazquez & Max

   Nathalie's safe by virtue of the fact that she's not even in the episode, which is about as disappointing as the Alex/Booth hotel hookup is predictable, but Max earns an appearance given his unusual willingness to travel from New York to D.C. to hook up with Simon. That's a round-trip bus or train ride of complete misery, and Max is fairly cute, so it's not like he would really need to leave the state to find someone else to Netflix and chill with....

2. Nimah/Raina Amin

   Having seemingly made peace with the fact that they're destined to share a single identity forever and ever, the conflictwin (yup, still trying to make that happen) dies down, save for some sisterly banter about who looks best in a dress. It's banal, sure, but at least there's some fire left between the two; their "agreement" to let Nimah (at least, I think it's Nimah?) pursue Simon is sort of gag-worthy.

3. Elias Harper & Simon Asher

   Elias's main focus has been getting Simon to come clean about who/what he really is, and to that end he has now mostly succeeded (or has he? It's believable enough that Simon isn't gay, but that he successfully managed to hide his dislike of coffee and service in the Israeli Defense Forces from the FBI seems like a bit of a stretch). But even if Simon is still a mystery, it's becoming fairly clear that his complexities have less to do with setting up Alex and more to do with the fact that life is just tragically weird sometimes.

4. Shelby Wyatt

   Aside from the mystery of how Shelby's lipstick manages to stay flawless while she's being held hostage/interviewed following her "escape," Shelby's most interesting moment comes when she declines to reveal to Liam that Booth and Simon helped Alex. Something clearly changes in her mind as she listens to Alex's interview, but it's unclear what; is she suddenly sympathetic to Alex? Or has she realized her master plan is somewhat predicable (if any one character would go after the brown girl, it's Shelby). Or maybe she's realized that Caleb's involved?

5. Miranda Shaw & Liam O'Connor

   Whatever lie O'Connor fed Miranda about Alex, she clearly bought it, at least at first. And since it's not that hard to see this whole situation as an extension of one of their training exercises, it makes you wonder exactly when these two former lovers turn against each other. They're both playing some sort of game, but it's unclear whether anyone is actually winning.

6. Caleb Haas

   Sure, the show wants us to think Agent Abtastic is the most shady, but he actually really is, from sneaking off to the gun range, to his "seduction" of Shelby, to whatever it is he's doing with his fake Mark Raymond profile (re-applying to the FBI?). If anyone's simple enough to frame Alex based on her ethnicity alone, it would be Caleb...except we all know he's actually way smarter than that. But what if he's also dropped in clues, like Shelby's wire, that actually implicate the whole class? Genius.