Q Dear Wealthy White Women Fleeing A Beverly Hills Security Guard,
A few months ago, I started a job at a new company as an bookkeeper, for which I was recommended by a friend I'll call Elaine. In the course of my work, I've come across some irregularities that seem to point to Elaine's having misappropriated some petty cash. It's not a large sum -- less than $200 -- but I'm not sure what to do. In any other situation, I would go straight to my manager with my suspicions and evidence, but I literally wouldn't be in this position if not for Elaine's help. I feel pretty sure that, if I approach her about it, she will have a good explanation for what is probably just an oversight on her part, and that she'll replace the cash right away. But is this the right call from an ethical perspective?
- Sally
A It sounds to me like your friend Elaine knew exactly what she was doing when she recommended you for that job: she wanted to put someone in that position who'd help her hide her sticky fingers -- or, at least, look the other way. I used to do stuff like that all the time in high school, and one thing I know is, you need a lookout. That's you. How you decide to deal with this is up to you: if you don't tell your manager and it comes out, you could get in trouble same as Elaine. But maybe you're great at your job and you can hide this kind of thing forever -- and maybe get a little kickback for yourself. Hey, you were unemployed for a while, right? Might as well wet your beak. You deserve it just like I deserve these Louboutins I'm trying to run in.
A But Abby, don't you think there's another possibility? Maybe Elaine set all this up because she wanted to get caught. Maybe she just feels neglected and wants some kind of attention. It's like, if I can't get it from Ezra, I'll take it from this dog. And the dog likes attention too -- why do you think I got him this "Service Dog" vest? I mean, what kind of service is he supposed to be performing? He's a chihuahua, he can't even bring me a newspaper in the morning. I say Sally talks to Elaine to see if she just wanted some attention. Sally can always use that against Elaine sometime in the future.
Q Dear Wealthy White Women Fleeing A Beverly Hills Security Guard,
My wife Cathy is the greatest woman I've ever known and a superb mother to our children. I'm still as in love with her today as I was the day we met, thirteen years ago. But I'm only human, and a few years ago, I had an affair with another woman. Cathy found out and we worked through it for the sake of the kids, and because, underneath it all, we still wanted to stay married to each other. But now Cathy is extremely suspicious of me. She checks my phone whenever I leave it unguarded, and when I'm out she calls every ten minutes to check up on me. How can I reassure her that I'm committed to her despite my past mistakes? Or is it time to accept that she'll never forgive me and that we should separate after all?
- Brent
A You say that Cathy is the greatest woman you've ever known, but your description of her behavior paints a very different picture. Have you considered that the woman with whom you were intimate when your wife wasn't meeting your needs might be the right one for you after all? Are you still in touch with her? Is she still available? I bet she'd be very good to your kids too, and more importantly, she wouldn't make you feel guilty all the time. I know this might be hard for you to hear, because it sometimes seems like the person you happen to be with is the right person for that moment in your life, until they do something that changes her in your eyes forever. Your wife might say you were the one who changed, but she probably did something to push you to it -- sort of the way, I realize now, spending thousands of dollars on frivolous purchases pushed Abby over the edge and made her do something so reckless that I'm not sure my aging pelvic floor is going to get through it without an accident.
A Your wife is a saint to put up with your worthless, cheating ass. You think you needed your little side piece because she'd do things your wife wouldn't? Did you try asking your wife? Because she was probably waiting for you to. Lose that chippie's number and buy your wife something pretty. The store we just tore ass out of has lots of nice things.
Q Dear Wealthy White Women Fleeing A Beverly Hills Security Guard,
My brother's daughter Daisy recently turned ten, and I attended her birthday party with my husband and my daughter, Fiona, who's just a few months younger than Daisy. My brother has been very successful, which I don't begrudge him in the least, but this party was so lavish and the gifts so plentiful and expensive that I worry Fiona will expect us to match them -- or, even worse, that she will know my husband and I can't afford to and feel ashamed to compare herself to Daisy. How can we make Fiona feel as special as Daisy without going into hock?
- Virginia
A I don't think it's possible to put a cap on how much you spend on your kids. Maybe it's just me and I'm unselfish like that -- not for me to say. But if your daughter wants something, you should give it to her no matter what, even if it means running up your credit cards and paying off her tenth birthday until she's twenty. This is America and that's what credit cards are for. Don't forget that even if you get into financial trouble, you can always economize in other ways: if you get a little bit creative, you might figure out how to get the things you want even if you spend less on yourself if you know what I'm saying. Just stretch first. Trust me. And try not to have a stupid little dog in your arms when you go "shopping" for yourself; that little shit's only going to slow you down and you've got places to be. Where was I? Oh yeah: get your Fiona all the American Girl dolls she wants. Spoil her now. She'll be too grown-up before you know it.
A I wish I had some helpful advice for you, Virginia, but this unexpected excitement has made me pee my pants.
