Even Jeremiah's Linen Closet Is Perfect

Pretty much since Jeremiah came to Royal Pains, he's been my favourite. Granted, he would have been my favourite under just about any circumstances because he's played by Ben Shenkman. But in addition to that good quality, he has others! He's a good doctor, if a little brusque. He has the grace to keep his independently-wealthy-ness almost completely under wraps. And he's generous enough not just to open his (giant) home to Divya but to her new daughter Sashi...though that may be a decision he's starting to regret.

Like Jeremiah, I like things in my life to be A Certain Way, a.k.a. the right way, which is why I could never do what he's done and actually live with a baby or, probably, with anyone under eighteen. (Eighteen-year-olds would also have to pass a pretty rigorous screening process.) But now that Sashi is getting to the point where her mobility is increasing, her sphere of messy influence is about to get a lot bigger -- a prospect Jeremiah realizes in a flash of filthy fantasy.

Then Sashi has the gall to bring Jeremiah's worst fears to disgusting, stinky life.

Jeremiah decides the best thing to do is lie that it's fine -- "I take it as a sign she's comfortable with me" -- and then take THE ELEVATOR upstairs...to have a quiet moment in the most beautifully organized walk-in linen closet I have ever seen.

I mean, it's the ONLY walk-in linen closet I've ever seen? And as such not even a thing I ever knew I wanted? And now it's all I want. If it would be absurd to wish that life would never again give me any reason to do as Jeremiah does and scream out his frustration into a pristine white pillow he seems to have placed in a special storage crate for just such occasions...

...then I guess I'll just wish for a lovely closet to do it in. And even though the episode ends with Jeremiah solving the problem of Sashi's encroachment by finding a nice quiet bar to spend his afternoons in, I don't know why he doesn't just put a folding chair and a TV tray in his closet, unless it's that the smell of clean bedsheets would soothe him right to sleep.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go buy a linen-scented candle and a lottery ticket.