Hard on the heels of her Today "apology" (and I use quotation marks because I don't recall her actually using the word "sorry"?), embattled celebrity chef/private hate speech user Paula Deen has apparently realized that she could use a little help dealing with the media, and has engaged the services of crisis manager Judy Smith. This is notable for a couple of reasons. For one, Smith is African-American, so having her come out as Deen's surrogate is, under the specific circumstances of Deen's crisis, kind of a cynical pick. On the other hand, though, Smith is generally agreed to be one of the best in her field, which is why Shonda Rhimes used her as the inspiration for Scandal. Yes, Paula Deen's crisis manager is the real-life Olivia Pope. And you know what that means: next season's Scandal could feature a ripped-from-the-headlines episode based on Deen's troubles! I think it might go a little something...like.........this.
Our Players
The Scene
Let's talk about our new client.
[Olivia sticks a photo to the glass wall of the conference room: it's Darla Peele (Kathy Bates).]
Olivia, I think you should reconsi-- [holds up a finger and vomits into a wastepaper basket]
I mean, she's not great, but you've killed people. A lot.
But up to the moment that I killed them, I treated them with respect, regardless of their ethnic background or sexuality.
[Harrison (Columbus Short) walks into the conference room, sees the photo of Darla, and turns back around.]
[over his shoulder from outside the room] I just remembered, I forgot to buy butter.
Obviously, I abhor what Darla Peele said: she used an epithet that is never acceptable in any kind of company, and the fact that she grew up in the south and is pushing seventy is no excuse, and I don't even want to try to get her endorsements back even if I thought that were a possibility, which I don't. But if you saw her in that interview on the ACN morning show you know she is flailing, you know she is a human being who's suffering, and you know she needs help. Our help.
Why does she need anyone's help? Maybe the just punishment to using a hideous racial slur in the year 2013 is to look stupid on national television.
Abby, this woman has children, and grandchildren.
Children and grandchildren who've probably heard her use that word a lot more often than she's admitting to.
Look, if our clients were sterling citizens who never did anything wrong, they wouldn't need us. Taking on hopeless cases is what we do.
Okay, but there's hopeless, and then there's hopeless.
You didn't get into the gladiator business because it was going to be easy.
I guess you're right. We are gladiators. We are-- now, wait, I know we call ourselves by another name but it's just totally slipped my mind, isn't that funny?
YES. We are the WHITE HATS. Okay? Now can we get down to business?
Well, good morning, everyone!
H-- hi, hello, Mrs. Peele.
Please, darlin', Mrs. Peele was my mother-in-law, may she rest in peace. Call me Darla.
Darla, can I get you some coffee?
That would be lovely, sweetheart.
Sugar and cream, and don't be n-- stingy.
