The Prodigal Go-go Boy Returns

A lesser show might have let a character who'd exposed a toddler to cocaine blow through her official punishments by now, but not so Shameless. Having pled guilty and been sentenced, Fiona is still dealing with the effects of her irresponsibility: now, she has to make the house presentable for her parole officer (Regina King!), which would be hard in almost any household but which she can just barely achieve in the Gallagher home. Fiona urgently needs to be approved for the removal of her ankle bracelet, because she's the only one in the house who's capable of earning money (at least, she is when the PO comes over), but groceries are going to have to wait...

...until Ian starts pitching in his lapdance tips, because Ian's back! Let's say it's not 100% his choice to return -- Svetlana waits for Mickey to leave the house and then orders Ian to get out, on pain of claw hammer attack -- but he's full of tales of his fun times in the Army, which he pretends to have joined (and he must have given this alternate life a lot of thought, because his lies about it are superb), and plans to drop out of high school permanently and apprentice as an electrician instead. Before that, though, he's going to keep on dancing at the club, and keep Mickey on a short leash: a condition of letting Mickey stay around is for him to blow Ian whenever Ian wants, to which Mickey pretty much instantly agrees. This also extends to Mickey trying to rough up anyone who gets close to Ian at the club, but judging by the way Ian makes out with him in the middle of the dance floor, he doesn't seem too bothered by the potential loss of income.

Sammi is still nursing Frank, and trying to get her other half-siblings to come visit him because "hope heals" -- an assertion they seem to doubt, though Carl and Deb do get pissed off enough at the loss of their brass knuckles and Virginity Timeline collage (which Fiona got rid of in advance of the PO's visit) that they temporarily decamp to Sheila's, just in time to be part of Sammi's new scam: pretending to put Sheila's house on the market for way under its value, taking would-be buyers' earnest money (cash offers only, please!), and then pretending they don't want to sell it after all.

Elsewhere, Kevin tries to prepare for the arrival of his children -- the number of which drops from three to two as Carol decides to keep the baby boy she's just given birth to -- by assembling a small arsenal; at least he cares enough to attend, whereas Mickey learns that Svetlana's water just broke and can't be bothered to go to the hospital (not that we hear anything else about it anyway). But while Kevin's twins will be born into an armory that may or may not make them safer, Lip finally relents in his determination to keep Fiona and Liam apart, and lets Liam wake her up with a sweet little hand to her cheek. At least one nice, non-alcoholic thing happens to Fiona in this vale of tears...but how Shameless is it?