Screen: MTV
Chelsea Takes All Her Makeup And A Curling Iron To The Cabin
Back in 'civilization,' Jenelle screams parenting tips at Barb, Leah files more papers against Corey, and Kailyn offers a lesson in perfect parenting, and no, that is not sarcasm.
Remember last week when Lilit said it was the Teen Mom 2 season finale? Funny story: it wasn't. In fact, if the "Next Time On" bumper is anything to go by, there's still at least one more episode to go after this. Oh, MTV, how you do keep us on our toes. But I'm not sure why anyone bothered to make this into an episode because basically nothing happens.
Chelsea continues complaining about Adam without actually talking to him: she's heard tell that he's dating a new girl named Jessica and has introduced her to Aubree, but she seems more weary than concerned. Then we actually see Jessica and YIKES. I mean, she could be a Rhodes scholar for all I know, but she presents herself like North Dakota's Kendra Wilkinson.
Jenelle continues doing everything wrong, as outlined below. Most hilariously, she claims, to Barb, that she's ready for Jace to move in with her and Nathan after the baby's born. Barb suggests that in order for that to happen, maybe Jenelle and Nathan should quit fighting all the time, and Jenelle's like, we don't even fight, and Barb's like, that wasn't you who called me at 2 AM to come get Jace because you were going at it so hard? and Jenelle's like, that's the first time in two or three months. Wasn't Nathan in prison for a good chunk of that time span? God, Jenelle, just GIVE UP.
Elsewhere, Leah and Corey are still wrangling over Ali's wheelchair, and a month on her own seems to have turned Kailyn into an excellent parent. I know. I'm scared too.
| Teen Mom 2-y Element | Present? |
|---|---|
| Crying | Another technical yes: Isaac has a meltdown when Kailyn picks him up from school because he wants her to carry him (typical older-kid stuff), which sets off Lincoln. But Kailyn doesn't just coolly enforce discipline: she calmly walks Isaac upstairs for a time-out while keeping Lincoln latched to her breast. Supermom much?! |
| Fighting with ex- or current boyfriend/husband | Leah fights with Corey through a proxy -- namely her lawyer, as she files papers to be solely in charge of Ali's medical decisions and to formalize their casual child-support arrangement (of which more below). The worst fight, though, is between Jenelle and Barb. |
| Obligatory cute kid | Isaac is even cute filling Kailyn's car with his hysterical shrieks, decorously covering his eyes with his hand like Anthony Hopkins in The Remains Of The Day. Later, after the family picks up Javi at the airport, Isaac wakes up from his car nap to tell Javi, "Lincoln says he loves you." |
| Crimes against the English language | I feel a little bad calling out Leah for saying Corey "aggravates" her when she means "irritates," because I feel like 80% of the population does that. But here we are. |
| Barb's accent | "Yestehday, we war outside in the yaaaaahd"; "I'm getting waried about Jace." |
| Financial problems | Ali is still making do with that busted loaner wheelchair because (according to Leah) Corey won't follow up with his insurance company; Leah also says that "none" of Ali's medical bills have been paid. We watch her in conversation with multiple friends as she explains that she and Corey had agreed that his monthly child support payment would drop from $800 to $200 on the condition that he dealt with the medical bills, but now that he's not, she thinks that arrangement needs to be revised, though if she has this conversation with him directly, we don't see it. Also you're not going to believe this but her Mary Kay sales have slowed, presumably after as many people she knows who can afford it bought pity bottles of hand cream from her. Also also, she and Jeremy are looking for a new mobile home, because the apartment with the elevator that was supposed to be much better for Ali was always just going to be temporary. Hmmmm. |
| Style disasters | Leah demonstrates airbrush foundation on her cousin Chasity, choosing a screaming orange shade I guess so they can really see how evenly it covers? Chelsea goes to her family's cabin (where, she says, she thinks Aubree was conceived) with a full makeup case and a curling iron; Jenelle visits her divorce lawyer wearing her standard Official Meeting White Jeans and a white tank top, with a non-maternity blouse pointlessly buttoned above her baby bump; later, she wears what MAY be a maternity romper, but even after Zaprudering, I can't be sure it's not a matching tank top and shorts set. |
| "Shocking Reveal" we already knew about from Us Weekly/the internet | As usual, I am not as well versed on this matter as your usual commentator Lilit Marcus, but I think this is a no. |
| Jenelle's terrible life choices | Oh God, Jenelle. When Barb complains that Jace's behaviour is getting increasingly unruly (which I think is on Barb anyway, but never mind), Jenelle confidently says that's why she wants Jace to live with her more -- so he can have more regular exposure to a great male role model like Nathan! Who just got out of prison five minutes ago! And is the kind of person who'd mansplain the story of Cain and Abel! After getting the news that she's officially divorced from Courtland, Nathan says that now there's no impediment to Jenelle's taking his name when they get married, she says, "First we gotta get engaged, do it right this time." ("Doing it right" now means having a baby first? Okay.) But her worst decision is picking a screaming fight with Barb about Jace, claiming that Jace is so bad because Barb yells at him too much and he's scared to admit when he breaks her table or whatever. Maybe the issue is that he shouldn't be breaking tables? Look, I'm not a parent or legal guardian. |
| Tertiary character as voice of reason | Chelsea talks about wanting a boyfriend because it would be "cute" if he came to the cabin and fished with her, and describes an ideal partner with no characteristics except that he'd be shirtless and show off his abs. "Because real men have all that," jokes her friend Tiffany. |
| Obviously staged scene | "Is this Aubree's weekend with Donna and Adam and them?"; "It's a battle every time [Adam] wants to see the girls....It's tough, he loves them"; "Did Courtland get his divorce papers from the sheriff delivered?"; Javi asks Kailyn how her month without him was when they get home, like they didn't just have a two-hour drive back from the airport together. |
| Mom whose segments are totally worth skipping | Chelsea has zero contact with Aubree in this episode and gets nothing to do but bitch about Adam dating some other new broad named Jessica and take to the cabin with her friends to salve her wounds and also play air hockey. |
| 11 / 12 Final Score |
92% Barb and Jenelle shrieking |
| 8% Isaac shrieking |