Screen: MTV

No One In History Has Been More Anxious Than Kailyn To Move To Delaware

Meanwhile, Jenelle moves in with Nathan, Leah plans for Ali's new future, and Chelsea turns twenty-two...so how Teen Mom 2-y is it?

Here's what I don't understand: Teen Mom 3, where one of the dads was a needle drug addict and another abused his recently-ex-fiancée on camera, failed to engage its intended audience and got cancelled, whereas this boring shit got brought back to life? Are adolescent audiences really that interested in Leah's struggles as the mother of a child with special needs? Because there is really nothing else going on that's even kind of compelling.

Let's run down the ladies in alpha order. It's Chelsea's 22nd birthday, just in time for Aubree (cuter even than usual) to start preschool. Adam manages to realize that his whining for more visitation might be taken more seriously if he clapped eyes on Aubree of his own volition, so he shows up to say hi to her before Chelsea takes her home at the end of the day. Great job, mohawk.

Jenelle is so taken with Nathan that she decides they should spend their third date moving into a $1500-a-month rental together, because that's a reasonable amount of rent for an unemployed person to pay. Good thing that Nathan's employment averages out to a job apiece for the couple. But the house has a room set up for Jace, so I guess it's a good sign that Jenelle has remembered he exists.

Kailyn is still waiting to find out if she'll be legally allowed to move to Delaware, though the suspense hasn't kept her from looking for a house there that she and Javi plan to put an offer on. They can't pay two rents anymore, so the only smart play is to buy a house now that they might be legally required to sell at a loss later, duh!

And speaking of selling houses: Leah contemplates selling her current house both because the spiral staircase won't be practical for Ali to use in the future, and so they can buy a farm where she can have a pool and horses. How...much money does Jeremy make? Or does Leah have access to budget horses?

The episode is pretty dull, but how Teen Mom 2-y is it?

Teen Mom 2-Y Element Present?
Crying Leah's mom comes over to talk about Ali's recent MD diagnosis, and though Leah says she's numb about it now, her mom still has some tears to shed. Aw.
Fighting with ex or current boyfriend/husband Adam blah-blahs to his current girlfriend/future mother of his next child Taylor about wanting more visitation with Aubree, though I'm not sure why, and can he even put one child seat in that stupid sports car of his, never mind two? But he doesn't actually engage with Chelsea, so I don't think it counts.
Obligatory cute kid Aubree gets a pretty great showcase, from coming out for her first day of preschool pic with a huge backpack on to singing "Happy Birthday" to Chelsea to letting herself be held by Adam but gleefully holding her arms straight out Titanic-style in a refusal to hug him. Aubree, I know the feeling.
Crimes against the English language Adam can't remember the word "chaperone" and instead goes with "parent...teacher...thinger." Corey thinks that Ali's disease is "muscle disTRAWfee."
Barb's accent "Lookit the waterfawl!"
Financial problems Kailyn has to put an offer on this Delaware house Javi's found because they can't afford two rents and if she's prevented from moving she and Isaac will probably have to move in with Javi's parents...but the big wedding they're planning is totally still on.
Style disasters When Chelsea and her friend Megan give makeovers to a couple of volunteers, Chelsea's (her mom) ends up looking pretty cute, while Megan's should have washed her face and hair like immediately; Kailyn goes out for dinner in the sparkly headband/half-zip hoodie look you see above.
"Shocking Reveal" we already knew about from Us Weekly/the internet I don't keep up with the ladies as much as I should, but did you guys all already know that Adam and Taylor named their kid Paisley? Or, as my esteemed colleague Sarah guessed, maybe it's "Paysleigh"? [UPDATE: regular Teen Mom 2 blogger Lilit informs me that it's actually "Paislee." Jesus.]
Jenelle's terrible life choices Jenelle moves in with Nathan almost immediately, and doesn't seem bothered that he and Barb talk about her past troubles in an extremely condescending way, in front of her, like she's not there.
Animal neglect There's just evidence that the former tenants at Jenelle and Nathan's place didn't take care of their animals in that there's dog shit all over the yard, but also, does Nathan literally have dog/wolf hybrids or are they using the word "wolf" colloquially?
Tertiary character as voice of reason No one has any sense this week — particularly Corey's wife Miranda, who agrees with him that there's probably nothing to Ali's MD and that she's going to be just fine and will totally play softball someday.
Obviously staged scene "So can you believe I'm due in two days?" - Taylor. "So you never really talked to me about how Aubree's preschool orientation went." - Taylor. But the least credible stuff surrounds this house Javi wants to buy. "I found a house that you might like — I sent you an email." Then they go to the house, hang out in the yard (including letting Isaac jump on the trampoline they supposedly don't own yet), and Kailyn agrees to put in an offer when she has (supposedly) yet to enter. No.
Mom whose segments are totally worth skipping Happy birthday, Chelsea! Call us when anything interesting happens to you.
9 / 13
Final Score
69%
True Teen Mom 2 — probably better than the odds that Adam will ever have unsupervised visitation with Aubree again.
31%
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