DirecTV Hires The Wrong Manning For The Job

It was probably inevitable that DirecTV would eventually have to replace Rob Lowe in its Sliding Doors-ish ad campaign. And given that one of the company's big differentiators is (apparently) the NFL Sunday Ticket, switching out Lowe for a pro football player obviously makes sense; there is no shortage of NFL stars who've proven that their athletic prowess is matched by their charisma and acting chops, so why not?

And yet, I'm not sure I agree with you a hundred percent on your police work, there, DirecTV.

Eli Manning? Noooooooo! I know basically nothing about football, and even I am aware of Eli's beige-on-beige reputation. Even if I didn't, I sure would after this spot. This guy's barely comfortable playing the real-world version of himself; now you try to make him do a character? It's so mean! Is he starring in an ad campaign or getting hazed by a fraternity?

What makes this choice even more confounding is that, as we all know, there's a superior Manning available who would have killed this gig.

But now Eli's booked it, which means we'll probably never get to see "Too Rough With The Horseplay" Peyton Manning, or "Robs Vending Machines" Peyton Manning, or "Bangs Your Mom" Peyton Manning. THANKS A PANTLOAD, ELI.