Mrs. Claus Is A Freak

It was bad enough when Samsung had the idea to advertise its Galaxy smartphone by suggesting that women use it to record videos of themselves jilling off that they could then share with their husbands with nothing more than the tap of a finger (as it were). I mean, if I were Samsung, I might not want to highlight how easy it is for one's dirty clips to end up on someone else's phone just because some random goon happened to own the same make as the amateur porn performer. But I'm not Samsung, because if I were, this Christmas-themed take on that other commercial would never have gotten in front of the public.

I'm not even grossed out in a "think of the children!" sense; maybe older kids seeing that earlier spot would figure out that it connoted something dirty without grokking the specifics, and filthier stuff is said in just about any episode of How I Met Your Mother, which airs in the family hour. No: I am grossed out by the idea of Mrs. Claus trying to distract Santa from his duties with video evidence of her self-abuse. If he's busy watching his wife diddle herself, how's he supposed to make sure I get my Sorel Chipahko Blanket Boots? Size 7?!