Disgraced Engineers Who Think The Government Gave Them Cancer Don't Take Visa

Speaking Ill Of Four Dead

Following the deal he worked out with Arkady in the last episode, Gaad is back in the office just in time to find out from Stan that the "Emmett" and "Leanne" who got killed in Alexandria had assumed the identities of (respectively) a boy by that name who died of a raccoon bite at age three and a girl who died at birth. How many illegals are there in DC? Yeah, they have no way of knowing, which is not great. And then Gaad goes into his office, brings out a box, and is like, here, it's your commendation from when you killed that guy.

Stan just sets it aside, because baubles and trinkets like this don't matter when there are "illegals" running around foiling him! Or because he has no one to celebrate it with! Actually, it could be any number of reasons. Stan's life is not so hot right now!

Taking A Stan

Who called the meeting? Probably Arkady.

What's it about? Time for a check-in on Operation Fuck Stan.

How'd it go? Pretty routine. Nina reports on Sandra and her lovaaaaaaaaah, but since Nina doesn't know who the guy is and Sandra's not back yet, they kind of have to put a pin in that. She suggests that they could try to get more surveillance reports out of Stan, but Arkady says they're done with that petty shit. He and Oleg tell her about the Stealth program, which is the next thing they're going to try to exploit Stan for. "Our illegals" are already on the trail of Radar Absorbent Material (something Baklanov told Vasili they need), and next up will be Echo (a computer program Baklanov just learned about thanks to our old friend Arpanet). Since Stan's gotten clearance on Stealth, he's going to be much more useful to them now. I guess he doesn't know that yet. And it sure makes that commendation ironic, huh???

He Went To Jared

Alert Type: Squirrelly Survivor Alert.

Issue: Having heard from the mic in Gaad's office that the FBI knows about Emmett and Leanne and that Stan already went to talk to Jared, Elizabeth puts on her Child Advocate costume and goes to get a read on Jared.

Complicating Factors: He is, quite reasonably, scared, but also suspicious about what everyone knows about his parents that he doesn't, and he doesn't really have much reason to trust Elizabeth.

Resolution: Elizabeth waits in her car for Jared to leave, and tails him to a diner, where she watches as Kate goes in to sit with him.

Spoiler: Even though Elizabeth worries that Kate meets with Jared without disguising her appearance at all, Kate probably won't get a chance to make that mistake again.

In Order To Get This Info, Philip Will Have To Be...Stealthy

It's not easy to winkle secrets out of the U.S. military, but one proven method is leaning on a paranoid wacko. Let's meet him! And then let's watch Philip lift his wallet so he can (a) forge a connection by paying for all his prescriptions and (b) return it after the bro "dropped it" at the clinic and make him an irresistible offer. But more on that later.

You've Been Pinned

The Symbol: A Young Pioneers pin.

The Scene: Oleg was paying attention to Nina last week when she talked about her summers with the Young Pioneers and the special pin she got.

The Meaning: Nina's delight in Communist regalia and the very American pleasure she takes in owning personal property represent her two diametrically opposite sides.

Larrick vs. Kate

Kate comes home and even though she's not technically a spy, she's got some decent instincts, because as soon as she comes through the door, she can tell something's not...right. But she makes a pretty good show of acting like nothing's wrong, going into the bathroom, grabbing her handgun from where it's tucked inside a pile of towels, sitting on the toilet and peeling all the paper off the roll in a very deliberate way that SEEMS LIKE IT MIGHT BE IMPORTANT LATER. After she's flushed and emerged with her gun drawn, she comes around the corner and runs right the fuck into Larrick, who's in a murderous rage. She does what she can to hold him off, but she's a tiny person who's not actually trained in hand-to-hand combat -- or, if she is, sucks at it -- and he's a giant sailor who's REALLY FUCKING MAD, so it's not much of a contest.

Winner: Larrick, and it doesn't look like he has to try terribly hard to do it.

Sizzling Stakes

Who called the meeting? Arkady.

What's it about? Nina's part in the Stan/Stealth operation.

How'd it go? Alarming! Arkady notes that Nina didn't seem that enthusiastic about the plan to get Stan to leak Stealth secrets to her. Oleg's like, she'll be fine, and Arkady chooses this moment to tell Oleg that (a) Nina had been spying for Stan in Season 1 before confessing to Arkady and becoming a double agent (triple if you count Oleg, I guess), and (b) she's going to face a treason trial in Moscow if this operation doesn't work. I have to assume Arkady's figured out that Nina and Oleg are an item, whatever that may mean to her -- or him, I suppose -- and that he's letting Oleg into the cone of silence on the treason issue now in the hope that Oleg will be able to impress upon Nina how high the stakes are with this shit -- because Arkady can't tell her, but he doesn't say that Oleg can't, so....

Are We Never Ever Ever Getting Back Together?

Stan is sitting on his lonely bed contemplating his commendation and how empty he feels looking at it when Sandra comes home from her getaway with her lovaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. It's hella uncomfortable as neither knows what to say to the other, though finally Sandra recommends, "Please don't ask me anything you don't want to know." Neither of them knows if it's over between them, or how they would know if it were. She feels better about herself, at least? He's glad? So are they going to sleep in the same bed from now on, or...? (Is it wrong that I hope we meet Sandra's boyfriend and that he's, like, Anthony Geary in his old blond fro?)

Chill Hang, Dudes

Situation: Larrick has been searching Kate's apartment for information about the spies she handles.

What Makes It Awkward? To keep Kate from stopping him, he's gagged her and suspended her from a ceiling fan by her arms in a classic stress position such that her feet can't find purchase.

How is order restored? The most he gets is a message (which he decodes) to the effect that no one can connect with George (a.k.a. Phone Guy) -- which, he informs her, is because George's office has been "shut down." Now that George has been neutralized, if Kate's bosses can't find her either, they're going to get "really jumpy" -- and she should know that he's not even after her but "the scumbags who killed [his] friends." He says he hasn't found any evidence in her apartment of Philip and Elizabeth, and tells her, "You are good at your job. Where are they?" But when he ungags her, she spits in her face, and he breaks her neck. So I guess order is restored in the sense that Kate's no longer in peril, but that's only technically restoring order of a very specific kind, and presumably not for long.

Just as Arkady intended, I AM SURE, Oleg buttonholes Nina and tells her all about her probable imminent treason trial in Moscow! He tells her that if she thinks there's a chance her wiles won't work on Stan, she'd better run!

"Ted," Dirtbag Philip's Vietnam-veteran cousin, shows up at Skeevers's apartment with the wallet he pickpocketed, and also some soup! Skeevers has no memory of having met "Ted" at the clinic or "Ted" paying for his meds, because the cancer's fucked up his memory! But never mind that! "Ted" pulls out a bunch of cash and suggests that maybe Skeevers would like to leave more to his kids than heartache -- and all he has to do is tell "Ted" all about Radar Absorbing Material! Skeevers asks a token question about who "Ted" is, but then barrels ahead with the declaration that RAM didn't work! They tried putting microscopic iron balls in paint, which killed bats! Lots of them! From the paint fumes! It flew the planes and absorbed the radar, but killed bats, and also killed Skeevers! So...it did work? And also if Skeevers can't remember "Ted" from yesterday, should we really trust anything he has to say about RAM in his current condition? And will there be an Oz reunion between him and Larrick?

Philip has come home to give Elizabeth the update on what he just learned about RAM, and Elizabeth tells him about the radio silence from Kate and George, but they have barely gotten into it when Paige marches in and launches into this whole speech about how they control some things about her life while she's a kid but that they can't control what she believes or who she is and all this is by way of saying that the church is getting up an anti-nuke protest and she wants to go! And even though this whole episode Philip has been working on Elizabeth to change her mind on church camp and Elizabeth's resisted because she doesn't want Paige to get indoctrinated, she immediately relents on this and says it's a good idea! Thanks very much, Rev. Groovyhair, for arranging an outing that will keep Paige away from her parents while they're busy (they hope) fucking up some dirty Americans!

Henry interviews Stan for an essay he's doing for school with the subject "My Hero"! I kind of think Henry was steered into this pick by Philip, but anyway! Stan has wanted to be an FBI agent since he was a kid! But he disclaims the title of "hero," just like I did when I let Dave sleep in on his birthday and took the dog out to pee myself! But maybe Stan IS a hero and maybe so am I!

Philip and Elizabeth creep in on Kate's apartment! Larrick, no dummy, has left it free of any trace of foul play!

But when they get to the bathroom and Elizabeth sees that Kate apparently left an empty roll on the toilet paper holder AS NO WOMAN WOULD EVER DO, she gets the notion to unroll it and sure enough, Kate left them a message!

Nina meets Stan at their fuck pad and freaks out, telling him that Arkady knows about them and that he's going to charge her with treason and she's in danger! But Stan won't let anything happen to her! Good thing he's on board because I'm pretty sure Skeevers is a dead end, or at least a dying one!

And finally, in the Secret Basement of Spycraft, Elizabeth folds laundry (for once) and comments that she finally just figured out that Paige is like Elizabeth herself! They both want to make a difference in the world! But Philip probably hasn't been paying that much attention not just because Elizabeth's epiphany is unlikely to lead to greater closeness between Paige and Elizabeth because that's not actually possible but also because he's been decoding the message Kate left and has just figured it out: "GET JARED OUT"! Philip, keep solving! I think you forgot "GET JARED A HAIRCUT"!!!!!