Getting On The Same Paige

Getting Her In Over Her Head

The Scene: As she takes a bath in the present day, Elizabeth has a reverie in which she's at a public pool, encouraging a reluctant Paige to jump in. When Paige continues resisting, Elizabeth finally just picks her up and throws her into the water.

The Symbol: The pool.

The Meaning: Paige might not always want to confront her fears, but her mother knows best -- and even if she doesn't, always, she has limited patience for the amount of fucking around Paige may want to do.

#YesAllWomenInTheCIA

Aw, Elizabeth made a friend! And they're having a nice after-work drink, where this lady is telling Elizabeth all about how the CIA has screwed her over in favour of her male peers the entire time she's worked there. So if Elizabeth has presented her with an avenue to get some revenge -- by giving Elizabeth a list of everyone who's working on the current conflict in Afghanistan -- then shouldn't she take it rather than wait around for some other Jeff to come along and snatch the opportunity away from her? Too bad she isn't quite drunk enough when she slips Elizabeth the list, so that when she goes upstairs to pee and sees there's a pay phone there, she suddenly lets her misgivings get the better of her; she calls someone and says, "It's me. I'm doing something terrible." You're not drinking wine before beer, are you? That'll make you feel queer!

Elizabeth vs. The FBI

After her new agent friend gets spooked and calls in the meeting, she returns to the table and tries to get Elizabeth to stay until backup arrives for dinner. But this isn't Elizabeth's first rodeo either: sensing that something has changed in the mood, she politely begs off and leaves. Once she's out of view of the bar, she ditches her prop glasses, and once she also takes off her red coat and turns it inside out, she basically matches her CIA friend's description...3%. ("Quick, stop that white woman with hair!") But one of the agents that's been sent to track her down is Gaad, and while she duly tries to get out of the situation without causing any carnage, they kind of force the issue, and she has no choice but to punch out Gaad, incapacitating him. The other guy proves harder to dispense with, and it seems like he's about to choke her out when she sees a motorcycle coming down the street. Jackpot!

By then Gaad has managed to get his gun out, but one hardly knows why he even bothers.

Winner: Elizabeth.

Now Stan Is Straining Other People's Marriages

Situation: After accompanying Stan to an exploratory Est meeting, where he got that great feminist sex lesson, Philip's brought him back to the Jennings house for a beer.

What makes it awkward? Elizabeth just got her ass kicked by one of Stan's colleagues, and Stan's boss; she's still got an ice pack on her shoulder and has just finished spitting blood into the kitchen sink when Philip and Stan roll in. Also, Elizabeth knows she's about to have to tell Philip that in the melée, she lost the list her CIA agent friend slipped her.

How is order restored? Elizabeth claims she hurt her shoulder unloading groceries; Philip, knowing that isn't true, feigns being "zonked," and Stan finally leaves. So he CAN take a hint!

Tidings Of A Traitor

Who called the meeting? Gaad.

What's it about? He has news about Nina.

How'd it go? I have to give it to Stan: when he sees Gaad's fucked-up face, he doesn't react, and when he says he heard Gaad's assailant was a "5'4" woman," he does so without any hint of mockery in his tone. But Gaad shakes that off: he's called Stan in to tell him that, according to the CIA, Nina's been convicted of espionage and treason in the USSR. Stan has slightly more of a reaction to this, though as he notes, he was prepared: "You told me it goes that way." "Doesn't make it easier," says Gaad kindly. Then the other agent who got the crap kicked out of him by Elizabeth comes in to say that sketches of their unsub are coming and that Gaad has to sign some papers (which the camera makes sure to show us is the secret recording pen Martha planted, so we know it's still there). As Gaad takes off to deal with other business, he asks Stan if he's all right, and when Stan doesn't answer, leaves him alone for a bit to recover. So, since we're not in a position to assure Stan that Annet Mahendru is now in the opening-credits cast and thus will probably make it...it's not Stan's greatest meeting ever.

Get The Look: Groovy-Haired Pastor

Though Elizabeth has apparently been making a show of supporting Paige in her exploration of spiritual life, is it any wonder she's dubious about religion if this is what she has to stare at for an hour (or more) every Sunday?

Groovy hair: I guess I feel like a man of the cloth shouldn't be getting body perms. And styling them with mousse.

Chambray buttondown: The buttons say "I made an effort to pull myself together," but the chambray says "I could go straight from here to teach a pass/fail pottery class at the Learning Annex."

Beatific smile: You're never fully dressed without one -- right, Lord?

What's On The Menu At Gabriel's?

Now that Claudia's gone (for now? Maybe soon to return now that The Millers has been shitcanned?), Philip and Elizabeth have been reunited with Gabriel, their former handler and someone they both evidently adore.

...Something baked, in a pan: When Gabriel presents it, Philip calls it "one MORE thing we've missed," which could mean that they've missed his cooking and it's a lasagna, or they've missed Russian cooking and it's, like, cabbage rolls? I can't tell.

"Swedish" Ice Cream: Since I didn't have fancy ice cream in the '80s -- we ate Lucerne, the Safeway store brand, and we LIKED it! (I still do) -- I thought this was a Greeked Häagen-Dazs and that Elizabeth was trying to be fancy by claiming it was Swedish.

Turns out it was a real brand -- but, like Häagen-Dazs, fake-foreign. Someone on staff was just really proud of finding or recreating that carton.

Simmering Tension: Gabriel decorously waits until dessert to bring up the issue of The Centre trying to recruit Paige, and the threat Philip made to Arkady in the Season 2 finale. Philip is like, I still mean it 100%, and Elizabeth's like, Weeeeeeeeeeell.... As Philip watches her with a sharp look on her face, Elizabeth frames the Paige matter: she's involved with this liberal church, which is supporting all kinds of left-wing, progressive causes, which Elizabeth thinks is putting Paige in the right ideological path -- plus Elizabeth's participating now, too, which has helped her and Paige to become "closer than [they] have ever been": "We're getting her ready to find out who we really are. Who she really is." Gabriel takes this all in, and then drolly suggests, "Why don't you be a good American wife and do the dishes?" He tells her there's something for her in the kitchen drawer, which turns out to be an envelope she doesn't open yet. As Elizabeth continues clearing, Gabriel reaches for the Scrabble board to set up a game for himself and Philip. I mean, "good American wife" is a joke? But girlfriend's still doing the dishes by herself. Not cool, comrade.

Elizabeth vs. Philip

Philip is PRETTY sure he's just heard Elizabeth express willingness to help The Centre to recruit Paige as a spy -- and, to be fair, I think the rest of us did, as well? "So it's all been bullshit," he spits. "Everything you said to me." Elizabeth spins like a motherfucker, claiming she only told Gabriel what he needed to hear, as though Philip's next logical question then shouldn't be, And you didn't do that to me? What Philip actually says is that Paige is very close to adulthood: "A couple of years, she goes to college, she's an adult! She can have her own life, and we owe her that!" When Elizabeth says she gets it, Philip, aghast, accuses her, "You're assessing her. You're developing her." Elizabeth gives another genius answer that could be interpreted half a dozen ways: "She's my daughter." Oooooh, yikes.

Winner: Draw.

The Spy Who Blew Me

Who called the meeting? "Scott." (Philip.)

What's it about? What kind of progress she's made with Yousaf.

How'd it go? It seems like Annelise has gone off the reservation a little and started developing real feelings for Yousaf. Scott/Philip warns her that in order to be effective, she has to stay objective, and when she flirtatiously accuses him of being jealous, he has to say maybe he is, a little. But back to business: weapons for the Afghan campaign have to go through the mujahideen, and the ISI aren't fans, but then, the ISI is kind of in turmoil all the time, what with the mix of religious and non-religious personnel and what-have-you. Scott/Philip asks when she's going to see Yousaf again, and she says it'll be the next time he has a meeting with the CIA, or the next time she tells him her husband's going to be out of town. Scott/Philip tells her to do the latter, because he needs her to get a list of the people who are working on Afghanistan. She simpers that she misses him, and he says he can't keep up with her: "It's hard." If you don't know what this floozy says next, you've never seen TV before, but: she feels his crotch and agrees, "It's really hard," and bends down to blow him. Well, he's only human. Later, when she comes up for air and starts crying about having been disloyal to Yousaf, he starts to get a sense of what he's actually up against. And it's not great.

Brownie Town

The Scene: Philip comes into the kitchen just as Elizabeth's taking a pan out of the oven.

The Symbol: Her brownies: when he goes to cut himself one, she stops him.

The Meaning: The brownies are for the church pot luck, the site of her ongoing Paige-grooming, of which Philip is not part.

Stan goes to drop off some stuff at Sandra's beautiful new waterfront house, apologizing for having missed a recent visitation with Matthew, their little-seen son! Sandra shrugs that his work is important, giving him the perfect opening to tell her very proudly that he wasn't at work: he was at his first Est weekend! Sandra: "Why." Stan says he knows she got a lot out of it and wanted to check it out himself: he thought there was a lot of good stuff! Disgustedly, she tells him that if he'd been paying attention, he would know that the first weekend is supposed to be all about honesty, and that this was exactly the problem in their marriage -- his way of "yes"ing her to avoid conflict! So Stan "yes"es her some more, yelling after her that it was bullshit! Guess what? That's not enough to get them back together! I don't blame her: whatever she's doing to live in that beautiful house, it is WORTH IT and she should NOT FUCK IT UP!

Speaking of fucking -- and up, come to think of it (come) -- Martha and Clark have acquired a copy of The Kama Sutra! "Great"!

Oleg -- who's also gotten the news about Nina and is stewing about Arkady's suggestion that maybe Nina kept secrets some of her meetings at the safe house because she actually loved Stan -- is tailing that very same Stan!

As Elizabeth continues icing her shoulder at her desk at work, Philip returns from his sex night with Martha, carefully sitting in a way that makes me think he could also use some ice for his balls! Elizabeth gently sets a brownie down on his desk (aw), and then tells him Gabriel brought her a cassette from her mother! She's dying. Of scarlet fever? Because she's a Communist? ...Sorry, there's no joke to be made about someone's mom dying.

At the FBI, Stan sits in a meeting about "a mid-ranking official at the U.S.-Canada Institute," who's on her way to Washington! This team will be responsible for her safety -- and good luck, because the Soviets will want to send a message that just because she's in the U.S. doesn't mean she's safe! Good luck, lady!

Elizabeth drives, watching a car that's been tailing her! But when she pulls over, it's not to confront the driver: it's to congratulate him! This was a teaching exercise! Hi, dude! Will you be the cute bait dangled in front of Paige at a later date?

Henry watches Jason Alexander shilling Hershey kisses! When Paige comes in to take her TV turn, she switches to a news report: Brezhnev is dead! Proving how right Elizabeth is about Paige being politically primed, she...changes the channel to The Jeffersons!

Philip listens through the wall as Annelise bangs the shit out of Yousaf! Turns out Annelise's feelings were reciprocated: Yousaf's so into her (vagina) that he suggests setting her up in an apartment in Zurich, where he could come see her every couple of weeks! She definitely wants to do that...but first they need to be really quiet so she can come clean and admit that she's been doing "some very important work"! Seeing where this is probably going, Yousaf asks, "What have you done?" But once she starts importuning him, he can tell it's going to be pretty bad; he throws her down on the bed and starts strangling her!

But at least he looks sad about it? Anyway, in her death throes, Annelise knocks over a lamp, the noise of which brings Philip to investigate what's happening! He lets himself into Yousaf's room, but by the time he gets to the bed -- and, between you and me, it seemed like if this wasn't his endgame as soon as she started crying about her blowie in the car, he REALLY took his sweet-ass time -- she's already dead! Yousaf's getting dressed, preparing to deal with the situation...somehow? Philip can sense that Yousaf's never done this before and doesn't have a standard response protocol, so he starts talking! Yousaf's security people aren't going to be happy about this! Yousaf doesn't have the skills to disappear on the streets of the United States! It's a terrible thing, and Philip can't undo it...but he can help!

And if you can't trust the stranger who busts into your hotel room seconds after you just murdered your mistress, who CAN you trust?!