My Boyfriend's Older

Strange Bedfellows Make Strange Bedfellows

Alert Type: Unlikely Allies Alert.

Issue: Stan, having been granted leave by Gaad to pursue his suspicions about Zinaida, has thought of a way to kill two birds with one stone, and approaches Oleg with his idea: if Oleg can confirm that Zinaida is a Soviet spy, the Americans can arrest her and then probably trade her for Nina.

Complicating Factors: Oleg is, reasonably, suspicious that this is a trap Stan's setting for him.

Resolution: Oleg uses a casual drink break with Tatiana to chat about Zinaida, and from there to float the idea of using a fake defector to get access to important American politicians. Though she says, at first, that defectors make the Motherland look bad, Tatiana has evidently changed her mind by the end of the conversation, telling Oleg to write his idea up in a memo...but without confirming or denying that deploying fake defectors is an intelligence strategy the USSR already uses, never mind whether that's what Zinaida is doing. When Stan meets up with him again, Oleg tells him he has nothing more to report, and reiterates his mistrust of Stan. Soulfully, Stan says that they both love Nina, and that Stan wants to "make it right," particularly since they don't know how much time she has left.

Spoiler: No spoilers since the matter is left open-ended for now, but I suspect Tatiana is shrewder than Oleg imagines.

What's On The Menu For Bachelor Stan?

Everyone's doing a good job of acting like Stan just came for dinner because he's a friend of the family and not because of the Circumstances that have meant he may not be cooking great meals for himself. Well, almost everyone!

The Honey-Glazed Elephant In The Room: Just when Stan is starting to mention "our special agent in charge" in casual conversation -- as Philip and Elizabeth's ears prick up -- Henry the goddamn idiot has to go and ask Stan how Sandra is. Um, do you think if there were a good answer to this question Stan would be here by himself? Your next meal is huevos rancheros on the porch with Chris Brody, you dope.

(Holy) Ice Water: Then Paige mentions that she'd like to get a new dress for her baptism. She doesn't want anything fancy and she'll pay for it herself; she just needs someone to take her. Elizabeth starts to ask whether Paige doesn't have dresses, but Philip jumps in to say he'll take her.

Hot Grudge Sundaes: Philip's going to pay for that one.

Michelle Can Always Use A Friend

Alert Type: Longish Con Alert.

Issue: "Michelle," having seen an opening in Lisa's bad marriage, is working her angles to position Lisa where she needs her inside Northrop.

Complicating Factors: Though she's already got the proper security clearances, Lisa's going to need to get a job at a different plant within the company, and what if one doesn't open up?

Resolution: Once Michelle has convinced Lisa to move into Michelle's mother's empty house miles away from Maurice -- just to see what life would be like for her and the kids without him -- Elizabeth gets a bead on another Northrop guy. Conveniently for her, he likes to tinker with his old car in the driveway, apparently with no fear that someday a tiny lady's just going to walk by and yank the jack out so the car falls on him and crushes him to death!

Now Lisa can get that guy's job. Bye, Maurice!

Spoiler: Lisa notices all the extra cash Michelle has to take them for nice dinners and buy Coach bags and thinks talking to a consultant about her job, like Michelle's been doing, is a pretty great way to make a little pocket money, but you guys, I don't think there really is a consultant!!!

Unwelcome Matt

Who's causing a family crisis? Matthew.

How? He's upset about his parents' separation.

Which relatives have a problem with it? Stan, who says in so many words that Matthew hates him. When Stan came back from being undercover for three years, he expected that Matthew would be so happy to see him, and pictured their joyous reunion so many times, but now they have nothing to talk about.

Who's an unlikely ally? Philip, who's lied to his children every day of their lives, but who -- coming straight off a successful shopping trip with Paige -- wants to share his new insight, which is that spending time with your kids one-on-one, without the other parent, changes the dynamic and opens the kid up. (He also encourages Stan to go out with Tori, the est lady, who tracked him down at the FBI to ask him on a date; Philip suggests that Stan bring her over to the Jenningses' for dinner.)

Spoiler: Given how hard Stan's working to get Nina back, I don't like Tori's chances with him in the long term?

Girls, Girls, Girls

The constant discussion of various teenagers in Philip and Elizabeth's lives is, seriously, the best possible argument against both espionage and parenthood.

Phil's Got 99 Problems And Bitches Are Three

Who called the meeting? Gabriel.

What's it about? He has some high-quality Afghan weed for Philip to bring over for the night alone in Kimmy's house that he manipulated her into suggesting, but he also just wants to check in.

How'd it go? Good as Philip is at manipulating people (see above), Gabriel is even better, so as usual, Philip leaves this encounter in dismay. After some talk of Nicaragua and a reference to how sad it is what happened to Lucia, Gabriel leadingly comments that the irony of the work they do is that so many lives can depend on one man's relationship with a teenaged girl: "You don't like that." "She's fifteen years old," says Philip. "Do you?" Without answering the direct question, Gabriel says that "it" (banging her) is the best way to handle her. But he'd still like Philip to share his private pain, it seems: "You're the one in the field. And you're the best -- there's nobody better. But Paige, Kimberly, Martha with her baby fever -- that's a lot for anyone. I can imagine it might be confusing, even for you." "I'm not confused," says Philip firmly. "'Confused' is the wrong word," says Gabriel. "It's difficult for all of us sometimes to keep in mind that when people's lives intersect with our operations, it's the operation that's crucial. And when the person involved is so young....You have a conscience, Philip. There's nothing wrong with that. But conscience can be dangerous." So, uh...keep up the good work and don't think about the human wreckage you leave in your wake, champ!

Philip comes back from his night with Kimmy fucked up, both from the weed and also, like, with feeeeeelings. He asks Elizabeth whether she remembers when they learned how to do "this," meaning seduce marks. Elizabeth gives him a flat "no" that suggests she has made an affirmative decision not to remember.

We flash back to a younger Philip (wisely shot only from behind, because some shows know you can't make actors look decades younger with camera tricks, RAGS TO RICHES) entering a room with a sexy lady for him to seduce. "It must be different for a man," offers Elizabeth. "I don't know," Philip replies.

"You find it in your mind."

"They kept telling us we had to make it real for ourselves."

Philip falls onto his pillow, because this has been A Day. "Is that what you do with Martha?" Elizabeth asks. "I guess," he says. "How do you feel about Kimberly?" "I feel bad for Kimberly. I haven't slept with her, no. Should I sleep with her?" "I don't know," says Elizabeth sadly, probably glad her current assignment only requires her to make Lisa lust after her purse. "No, honestly, I'm asking you," says Philip. "Honestly, I don't know," says Elizabeth. Philip gently reaches out and strokes Elizabeth's hair and cheekbone. "Do you have to make it real with me?" she asks. "Sometimes," he admits. "Not now."

Elizabeth kisses Philip, and she keeps her eyes open like a creep, maybe thinking, even now, how she can counter his baptism-dress gambit!