The Astronaut Wives Club Gets Religulous

Does the Mercury 7 astronauts' and their families' relocation to Houston mean we're going to be hunkering down more with the wives and getting a better impression of what their day-to-day lives are like? Because this has been three episodes in a row revolving around which guy gets to go into space next and how pissed off someone else gets when it isn't him, and it's getting boring. If this show were called The Astronaut Club, I would IN NO WAY be watching it, just like I didn't watch From The Earth To The Moon and how I scowled my way through Gravity and Interstellar. How many times must space repel us before we take the hint and stay out of it? Space sucks!

But I digress. How do the events of "Retroattitude" shake up the Wives' rankings? In some cases, a lot! (Don't get too excited, Jo.)

1. Annie

   The episode get off to a lovely start with a transcendent church choir solo from Annie, through which those who might not know get a relatively subtle lesson on stuttering: some people who have this speech challenge show no such difficulty when they sing. Annie continues distinguishing herself with what seems to be entirely sincere kindness. When Deke tries to draw Marge into his pouty morass by spinning conspiracy theories about how John is the one to bump him from what had been the order for space flights, Marge uses as evidence against the Glenn's dark plans the fact that the cake he's grumpily eating was made by Annie, "from scratch, for no reason."

   

   But the real proof of what a good friend Annie is comes when Rene -- very publicly, though not maliciously -- distances herself from the kind of Christian faith Annie has professed with regard to her husband's astronauttery. Annie not only refuses to bear Rene a grudge for speaking honestly to the press about her own beliefs; when Scott briefly goes missing in his space flight, Annie slips away from the rest of the wives watching the event together and, without being asked, goes to Rene's side to support her.

   

   Guys, Annie even serves as Rene's presumably unpaid makeup artist. Truly, a pal and a confidante -- literally the latter, since she becomes the first of the Astronaut Wives with whom Rene shares her most painful secret: she and Scott have lost a son.

2. Marge

   I love Marge for telling Deke some shit about Annie's cake so he'll quit being paranoid about the Glenns. I love Marge for not being robotically accepting of Deke's lost place in the queue and "trust[ing] the process." I love her for confronting Jo about being as "happy as a pig in sh--" before boring Louise interrupts her, and I love her even more for gloating when Jo finds out that her Wally isn't next in line either, and has lost his place to Scott.

   

   But most of all, I love Marge for deciding the way to get Deke back in his rightful place is to call the President. While in curlers. Bold -- and ultimately fruitless -- but you've got to love that moxie.

3. Trudy

   I won't lie: a lot of Trudy's storyline this week is a comedown from last week. First, she gets all mad at Gordo for going along with what he claims is the architect's plan to build her and Gordo's new house in Houston with just two bedrooms, because it means she's going to have to resume sleeping in the same bed with him even though they're secretly estranged. Then, she gets mad when he's fooling around with a strange skank in the pool. Then, when some floozy in the motel bar tells her not to bother trying to hit on Gordo because all he does is blubber about how much he's still in love with his wife, she gets...mad at him for that? Like, did the whole same-bedroom thing not already tip her to the fact that he wants her back for real? Quit dumping ice on him and use your head, Trudy.

   

   BUT: Trudy gets a lot of credit with me not just for looking so sharp in her casual outfits, but for what we see as the first buds of a flowering friendship of equals between her and Scott as she asks him for specifics about what his space flight was like, and also for unapologetically holding out her hand for Gordo to throw her the car keys so she can drive.

4. Betty

   She doesn't really get much to do after her big showcase episode last week.

   

   What she DOES do? Is make a cheese porcupine. Excuse me, I have to go plan a party so that I can make one too.

5. Rene

   As mentioned above, Rene shows us some of her Private Pain in this episode, as her candid revelation about not planning to pray for Scott when he's in orbit is followed by her disclosure to Annie about her son who passed away -- which, in my opinion, is a pretty solid reason for a woman to have lost any faith she ever had in God. That said, why would she be sufficiently media-savvy to be annoyed at Max for painting Scott as some kind of barefoot hippie in his Life profile, yet not media-savvy enough to know what when you're an astronaut's wife and you're asked at a press conference if you're going to pray, you just say yes? You already don't believe in God, so who cares if it's the truth?

   

   Anyway, Rene still remains in the middle of the pack because she looks perfect in every shot and because she invites the motel housekeeper's son to the beach house to watch the launch -- an honour she does not extend to the other Wives -- without any thought to the fact that he can't go visit any of Florida's segregated beaches. ...Actually, I guess that makes her look like kind of an idiot. Never mind.

6. Jo

   Gets the smug look wiped off her face when Rene's husband jumps hers in the space queue.

   

   Rejoices when hers ends up the NEXT guy by episode's end. Snooooooooze.

7. Louise

   What dumb old boring pillar of rectitude doesn't know (for sure) is that, among the broads who've been trolling the Cocoa Beach motel looking for astro-dong, her whore of a husband is regarded as a sure thing.

   

   What she DOES know (now) is that Max is only picking up the astronauts' runoff -- apparently -- because he can't have the lady he really wants: Louise herself. DID I CALL IT OR WHAT. Even if Louise weren't still being played for a fool by Al, though, she'd be at the bottom of the list for "There's this amazing invention: the telephone! Maybe you've heard of it!" Lame line, poorly delivered, from a lady who has zero chemistry with Luke Kirby. And like, have you seen Take This Waltz? That guy could have chemistry with a bowl of oatmeal...or so I thought until I saw him struggling through a scene with this one.