The Client List: The Complete Jennifer Love Hewitt Demands

The second season of The Client List has ended. The Rub Of Sugar Land has been engulfed in flames. And Riley (Jennifer Love Hewitt) stands on the threshold, possibly ready at last to spill her shameful, handjobby secrets to her semi-estranged husband Kyle (Brian Hallisay) and his brother/her sometime date, Evan (Colin Egglesfield). How will all this scandal play out in Season 3? But wait, scratch that. Will there even be a Season 3?

Nellie Andreeva of Deadline.com reports that negotiations are being held up by...Hewitt. The facts: Hewitt is pregnant; her boyfriend Hallisay is the father; if the show is to continue, the pregnancy will have to be written into Riley's storyline; Riley's baby needs a father. The rumours: while the show's writers want the father to be Evan, Hewitt (a producer herself) wants it to be Hallisay. If you've watched the show lately, you know how credible this speculation is, what with Evan and Riley's romance being shunted quickly to the side while Kyle's redemption arc unspooled all over the latter half of the season. But the paternity of Riley's baby is just one item on Hewitt's wish list.  There are more!

• The Rub's impossibly good-looking handjob clientele must be even better-looking.
• Ms. Hewitt will not be required to act any scenes of minor domestic labor -- cooking, dishwashing, etc. -- within four (4) days of a manicure and within three (3) days of a pedicure.
• Ms. Hewitt gets final wardrobe approval on any and all "fantasy" costumes worn during Client List clients' massages (and she has some ideas about looks that will remind viewers of Game Of Thrones).
• What if Evan gets jammed up in a shootout during his routine police activities and Kyle rescues him?
• Riley will get to sing a minimum of one (1) song with Dale's band in every two (2) episodes; songs can be banked so that if Riley sings four songs in a single episode, she will not need a singing scene for the next seven episodes.
• Ms. Hewitt gets final song choice approval, including the choice to perform a song of her own composition.
• During Riley's song performances, Lacey must direct at least four compliments of Riley at whomever she's sitting near in the audience: suggested topics would be how beautiful Riley is; what a great mother; that her voice is getting better with age; etc.
• What if Katie needs a kidney and Kyle gives her one of his?
• Ms. Hewitt requires a Halloween episode in which Riley trick-or-treats as Audrey Hepburn (NB: she already has wig and costume).
• What if Lynette falls off the wagon in Austin and Riley cuts off ties in an offscreen phone conversation?
• Ms. Hewitt requires a scene in which Carlyle character complains that he's missing The Voice and everyone else in the scene agrees that it's exactly the kind of show a scumbag like him would watch.
• The client known as "Mr. Louboutin" shall become "Mr. NAOT" for the duration of Ms. Hewitt's pregnancy.
• What if Lacey and Dale's new baby crawls out on a windowsill and Kyle catches him split seconds before he hits the ground?
• What if the real secret Kyle's been hiding is that he's an actual angel, from heaven?
• Riley agrees to have full sex for money one more time, with James Marsden if the show can meet his quote. (Backup: Scott Wolf.)