The Daily Show Heard About That Tape Of Toronto's Mayor (Allegedly) Smoking Crack

There are some moments I'm very glad I don't still live in Toronto -- like when the Leafs get anywhere near the playoffs and I know that means there are goddamn morons driving around the city honking their horns and waking people up. But when Gawker broke the news last week that someone was trying to sell them a video of Toronto's mayor, Rob Ford, allegedly smoking crack, I wished I could be in Toronto as the citizenry was taking it in: I bet the schadenfreude is so thick that it's taken physical form and is hovering above the city (and if that's true, I hope it's underneath the smog).

Sensible Torontonians -- the ones who don't live in the further-flung suburbs where short-sighted, conservative, and/or rich idiots live (I'm looking at you, Don Mills!) -- have been humiliated by the fact that Ford is the city's mayor pretty much since his election, for a variety of reasons, so for him to get onto the international radar for such an ignominious reason is a mixed bag. The sensationalistic nature of the accusation is a grabber, true, but all the other shitty things he's done for sure, not just allegedly, are pretty bad too.

Anyway: last night the story achieved a new level of exposure by making it onto The Daily Show.

As exciting as it is to have the entire first act of The Daily Show given over to a Canadian story, scoring it for our purposes here is a challenge. For one thing, anyone who lives literally anywhere in Canada other than Toronto will sniff that Toronto is basically America anyway. For another, despite what Jason Jones and Samantha Bee are trying to tell you (yes, I know, satirically), there's nothing intrinsically Canadian about smoking crack. If it were a story about, say, the mayor of Vancouver smoking weed, this story would be at least a 10 if not as high as 420. [high-fives self] But this is about a bad Canadian -- I mean a bad person who's Canadian as well as a person who's bad at being Canadian, embodying no values Canadians hold dear (for God's sake, he's against bike lanes!!!!!) -- so even though it's about a Canadian and events that took place in Canada, the score is in the D- range. Suck on that, Rob Ford! Or on another crack pipe. Allegedly.