How I Met Your Mother

I generally hate to be the guy stumping for a particular show, because I feel like the more emphatic you are, the more likely it is that your appeal will backfire: no one likes to be lectured, not even about stuff that might bring us joy. And I know it's a sensitive time to be saying what I'm about to, so close to the end of Bunheads, but I'm going to say it anyway: The Fosters is really good, and all the things the show is getting right about the two women who head up the titular family are a big part of it.

I have watched a lot of programming on ABC Family in my day, and I have very strong ideas about the shows on that network that work for me. When a friend asked what I thought of Twisted, I described my position on the matter thusly: "I don't like the crime shows, I just like the ones about nice families." And I stand by that. So while The Fosters, on paper, would seem to fall into my area of interest, the marketing worried me: while a few past ABC Family dramas have featured gay characters on the periphery, this one puts two gay moms right at the center of it all. In an effort to dramatize a family that happens to be headed by two mothers who are also romantic partners and make that palatable for the segment of the audience that could potentially find this notion alarming or even merely unfamiliar, would producers overcorrect in the usual way by making Stef (Teri Polo) and Lena (Sherri Saum) perfect, infallible, saintly pillars of the lesbian parent community?

Turns out: no. Which is obviously great. No parent of any sexual orientation gets everything right all the time, in addition to which there are unique challenges inherent in a complex situation like Stef and Lena's that are only kind of related to the fact that they're not straight. For instance: when Jesus (Jake T. Austin) fears that unprotected sex with his girlfriend may cause her to get pregnant, Lena is extremely wary of intervening. True, Jesus's girlfriend Lexi (Bianca A. Santos) has extremely Catholic parents who might strongly urge her to keep the baby, curtailing any number of plans Jesus might have for the future, but Lena is not comfortable supplying the couple with emergency contraception and keeping it a secret amongst themselves, because she is the principal of Lexi's school...so Stef does it and doesn't tell Lena; that way, Lena can maintain plausible deniability and no one gets accidentally pregnant. Stef and Lena have also spent a significant portion of this season dealing with the continuing repercussions of adopting children from the foster care system: their biological mother is still in a bad way, for many of the same reasons that led to her permanently losing custody in the first place; the kids want to help because they're kind, and they don't want to tell their moms because, on some level, they still wonder if they could ever do something so unforgivable that Lena and Stef might send them back.

This question, by the way, is deftly handled in the latest episode, in a way that adoptive parents -- who can sometimes be maybe just a little oversensitive -- wouldn't object to; granted, the portrayal is not of a smooth transition from biological parent to adoptive parent, followed by all relevant parties enjoying open relations afterward, but that is probably how it goes when custody is not given up voluntarily but rescinded due to violence or neglect. Anyway, this skein of the episode brings me back to my main point, which is how important and radical it is to put this couple's relationship at the centre of the series. Stef and Lena aren't co-parents who "happen to be gay"; that they're gay is a significant plot element that the show explores through all its implications, showing us the hundreds or thousands of decisions that underpin this family's very existence, and how new decisions must be made, on a continuous basis, for this couple to function as well as it does.

The potentially tragic A-story in the latest episode -- Stef has been shot -- allows several jumping-off points to show the audience, for the first time, how the couple and hence their family came together. We see Stef meeting Lena at school, as Stef is enrolling her son Brandon; her husband Mike isn't there, and it seems clear that they're already having problems. It's also clear that the connection between Stef and Lena is electric. Next, and equally important, Stef meets five-year-old Jesus and his twin sister Mariana at the police station, where their last foster parents had dropped them off. Later still, Stef meets Mike (Danny Nucci) at a café; he's hoping their current separation will end with their reunion, but she tells him she's a lesbian and that she's met someone. Finally, Stef finds Lena at school; Lena is wary of Stef, pointing out that Stef seems like a straight girl who's "just passing through": "This is where I live." But Stef tells Lena that she's come out as a lesbian to all the most important people in her life and that she can't live without Lena, and Lena responds, "You had me at 'lesbian.'" Love accomplished! There's a lot left out, possibly to be told later, like what was happening on Lena's side of the story -- particularly a more detailed exploration of the doubts she experienced, and what the people in her life were telling her about Stef. Still, I feel like it's rare for a TV show to respect its gay characters enough to attempt to portray the patches of track that could easily derail their happiness -- if Stef decided to deny her true self and stay with Mike for Brandon's sake; if Lena decided a straight girl wasn't worth pursuing; and if Stef decided that the personal turmoil she was dealing with prevented her from potentially providing a safe home for Mariana and Jesus.

Lena and Stef are not perfect, as I had feared. They are relatably flawed, but they love each other. And they're both so beautiful that, really, only the most churlish bigot could really object to their union.