Shame Shame, Your Partners Already Got Rid Of Your Name

Here We Blow Again

Situation: Alicia's "decided" to withdraw her name from consideration in the Cook County State's Attorney race.

What makes it awkward? She's doing it under duress due to her having been implicated in a voter fraud scandal that was not even her fault, not that it matters.

How is order restored? The first stage is for her to go through the motions of public contrition by holding a press conference announcing both her withdrawal and insisting upon her innocence and that of all her campaign staff, in a scene that echoes yet reverses the scandal-mitigating press conference in the series premiere, with Alicia disgraced and Peter supportively standing by. But after she gets through her speech, only letting her voice break as she praises Peter for having been "amazing during this difficult time," she declines to take questions and lets him he lead her into the bowels of the hotel, where he almost immediately abandons her, only returning as she plaintively asks, "What do I do now?" TAKE A BREAK, DUMMY. TRY NOT DOING ANYTHING FOR ONCE.

Rollin' Raisin

Alert Type: Test Case Alert.

Issue: An old lady named Louise Nolfi was caught trying to mail twenty-six tabs of MDMA and, due to the weight, is facing a mandatory minimum sentence of six to thirty years.

Complicating Factors: It's pretty clear Mrs. Nolfi was implicated in a scheme she knew nothing about -- even the judge is grossed out by the sentence he may have to levy, if she and her representation can't find mitigating evidence in the next forty-eight hours -- but she doesn't want to sell out her grandson.

Resolution: R.D. has been looking for a mandatory minimums test case, since it's an issue on which both conservatives and liberals agree, and though he wants to back a case involving a young white house painter over Mrs. Nolfi -- on the grounds that juries can identify with that dude as opposed to just pitying an old lady caught up in an unfortunate situation -- Diane talks him into this one.

Spoiler: Arguing ineffective assistance isn't going to work given that Mrs. Nolfi's lawyer is a former Supreme Court clerk...but what if they could get her into a treatment program for her raging MDMA addiction instead?!

Back In Law Again

Given her extremely public shaming, Alicia comes into her meeting with her former partners with some anxiety about whether they're going to want her to return to the firm. But they do! After all, what's a little possible voter fraud among friends when you're talking about a firm where one of the name partners did jail time on drug charges that actually haven't even totally been resolved yet? "This is home, Alicia," says Diane reassuringly. "Welcome home." PHEW, WHAT A RELIEF THAT ALL OF THAT IS OVER AND ALICIA CAN JUST GET BACK TO BUSINESS WITHOUT FURTHER CONCERN OR CAREER IMPEDIMENT!

Queen Takes Bishop?

After his chat with Alicia, Cary calls Geneva to tell her he's thought it over and he's ready to turn evidence against Bishop after all, but only if Geneva will guarantee that she'll drop the threatened charges against Kalinda and Diane. Before Geneva agrees, she looks across her desk at...

...Kalinda, who's already come in to fall on her own sword before Cary can fall on his, and who shakes her head at Cary's offer. Geneva's like, "Give me a day to get some ducks in a row and I'll get back to you," and then hangs up, saying she wants Kalinda to bring her evidence on Bishop's drug operation. Kalinda says that she won't testify, and Geneva tells her that if she can produce evidence Geneva can use independently, Kalinda won't have to -- and if she can get it today, then Cary won't have to testify either! THE CLOCK, SHE TICKS!

When You Assume...

Alert Type: Three's Company Alert.

Issue: Alicia gets a call from one of her clients saying he just heard from Diane that Alicia's not coming back to the firm.

Complicating Factors: Alicia goes into defensive mode, trying to get her clients to agree to follow her if she leaves the firm, which fucks up Diane and Cary (and to a lesser extent David, who typically doesn't really care whether Alicia comes back or not as long as the firm doesn't lose any clients), and leads to increasingly acrimonious negotiations over Alicia's exit package, which she now intends to take and use as seed money for her new solo practice.

Resolution: Kalinda tells Alicia that the whole thing is a misunderstanding, and tells Alicia to talk to Diane and figure everything out, which she does.

Spoiler: Diane's not the only one who has to sign off on Alicia's return.

Goat, Prepare To Be Scaped

Who called the meeting? Kalinda.

What's it about? Setting up our old friend Dexter Roja to take the fall for the evidence she's about to pass to Geneva.

How'd it go? Textbook. Kalinda plants doubts in Roja's mind about his security within the organization by warning him that Bishop's getting ready to get out of the game and turn evidence out of fear he's going to be betrayed/concern over Dylan's future, and that there's only room for one person to turn evidence against him first -- and since Bishop's departure will make Dex the next #1 in the organization, he'd better be careful. Plus, as we will soon learn, that's not the only reason Kalinda's ducked into Dex's car on this particular day (and no, it wasn't to get a whiff of his new air freshener).

After bringing Dylan home from school and determining that Bishop isn't there for, conveniently, apparently the very first time ever, Kalinda creeps into his office, plugs in a flash drive labeled "D.R.'s Jams," and starts copying files! She mostly keeps an eye on the feed from the CC monitors (weirdly placed behind the desk as opposed to beside the computer where someone working in there would actually look, but whatever)...

...until she doesn't!

But she hears Bishop return and makes it out of the room in time to meet him in the kitchen, where (hilariously) she's just finished pouring herself a wholesome glass of milk! He suspiciously asks what she's still doing there, and she says she didn't want to leave Dylan alone, particularly since she saw Dex leaving just as she was coming in and assumed that meant Bishop was there! Bishop seems concerned...

...and is even more so when he goes to his office and sees a message indicating that a drive was not properly ejected!

The next day, Bishop hauls Kalinda in to question her further about Dex! Although it seems like, since the house is equipped with at least four CC cameras, it would be pretty easy to verify whether Dex was there or not, Bishop is a lot more interested in the fact that his IT guy has told him that the flash drive that was improperly ejected was called "D.R.'s Jams"!

While Kalinda waits, Bishop calls Dex to ask him about it, and he starts shitting bricks as he realizes that one of his flash drives full of music is, in fact, missing from his car! This does not look super-great for Dex!

After Bishop dismisses her, Kalinda takes the drive to Geneva's office! Geneva doesn't even have to plug it in before seeing its name because apparently at some point Dex bought an old-fashioned label maker -- the kind that punches out raised 3-D letters -- and labeled it as such, which is...adorable? "You have everything you need on there to take Bishop down," says Kalinda. "This doesn't come back to me, and you leave Cary and Diane out of it!"

Sure enough, a few scenes later, Bishop gets arrested! In front of Dylan, which is probably going to end up being very bad for someone! The IT guy is still there, and Bishop orders, "Call my lawyer. And tell Dexter he's dead." WELL, THAT WAS SURE WAS EASY FOR KALINDA TO PULL OFF -- ALMOST AS EASY AS ALICIA JUMPING BACK INTO THE FIRM oh wait.

The Horse AND The Monkey, To Say Nothing Of The Dragon!

Part of making Mrs. Nolfi's a test case per R.D.'s interest involves proving how wrong it is that someone who got railroaded into a drug charge actually has fewer rights than someone who was actually going to use the drugs. So Diane has coached Mrs. Nolfi into what she should say to her pre-trial service officer -- good old Joy Grubick -- to get herself a recommendation for drug treatment rather than a prison term. It goes...medium?

The Goodbye Girl

Who called the meeting? Cary.

What's it about? Bishop stuff.

How'd it go? Shitty. Kalinda returns home feeling pretty great, only to find a despondent Cary there and learn that, ever since Geneva told him she didn't need his testimony against Bishop anymore, he's been waiting hours for Kalinda -- long enough to have been there for a pop-by from Dex. Cary tells her that he told Dex he was the one who brought evidence against Bishop to Geneva, and Kalinda's like, fuck. He whines that he didn't want her to get in trouble, and she tells him she wasn't in trouble. Cary tells her how Dex figured out, while he was standing there in front of Cary, that Kalinda had to have been the one who took the flash drive out of his car, and asks what's going on. "Nothing," she lies. Cary is not COMPLETELY stupid and knows that something must be going on, but she just puts her coat back on, saying, "I'll take care of it." He knows she's in trouble, but she insists that she isn't. He begs her to let him help her, but she refuses, kisses him, and leaves.

CARY AND HIS SKINNY NECK ARE GETTIN' UPSET!

Farewell, Kalinda

After reminding us one last time that, as far as viewers of the show know, Alicia and Kalinda haven't shared oxygen in years, Kalinda wanders around Alicia's apartment remembering their time together...

...from that time she boned Peter...

...the moment she took a photo of Alicia, giddy at becoming a partner at the old Lockhart Gardner, that Alicia still has framed in her home to this day. She takes a quick call from Diane in which Kalinda relays what she learned about the discrepancy between the number of tabs of MDMA Mrs. Nolfi was caught with and their stated street value and learns, with relief, that Diane and Alicia sat down and sorted out the misunderstanding over Alicia's status with the firm. Kalinda's glad: "Life's too short to be mad." Diane's like, are you dying or something? Kalinda dodges, saying, "I'll see you, Diane....Take care of yourself, okay?"

And then Grace returns from wherever she was to offer Kalinda a snacks, and the sight of Grace apparently makes Kalinda realize she needs to start her life on the lam like NOW. She hands Grace a note to give Alicia, takes one last look around at Alicia's apartment, and heads for the door. Grace is like, "Bye!" And Kalinda gives her an extremely meaningful "GOODBYE." And I guess that's a series wrap on Kalinda, unless this tease from the Kings is actually still going to pay off at some point before the end of the season? If not: farewell, Kalinda. To paraphrase Red Redding: some birds aren't meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up DOES rejoice, particularly since it means we won't have to spend any more scenes accepting whatever contrivance kept the bright-feathered bird away from the show's eponymous star. But still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they're gone. And you have to figure out what you're going to do with all their pleather jackets and miniskirts.

Kalinda's parting gift to Mrs. Nolfi was the revelation that the tabs she was caught with had been divided in half, meaning she was ACTUALLY only caught with thirteen, putting her under the mandatory minimum threshold of fifteen! The judge is thrilled to tell her he can sentence her to six months' probation, which he deems served! While I would have loved the coda to this story to be that she was totally a drug dealer after all, it is not to be!

Diane reports on her meeting with Alicia the night before, and Cary is pleased to learn that Alicia's coming back, but R.D.'s like, not so fast! He told Diane this morning that if Alicia comes back to the firm, he's out! He's already under enough scrutiny from bloggers (THOSE DAMN BLOGGERS) and the like -- he doesn't need to be tarnished with any Florrick entanglements, whether she actually did anything wrong or not! "The Florrick name? It's like George Ryan, or Blagojevich -- just another in a long line of corrupt Chicago pols!" ...I mean, I kind of get that? We all do?

And then Cary's day gets worse as an assistant tells him she can't raise Kalinda! When he tries to call her himself, her number's out of service! RUH ROH!

Cary shows up at Kalinda's empty apartment to evidence that she's taken off to her new life!

Alicia and Peter talk about her complete lack of employment prospects! He tells her he still thinks she should start her own practice, but she's like, with no clients? Or, rather, with one client, who is Colin Sweeney? (I mean, it's not like he wouldn't probably throw her enough billable hours to pay her rent....) She tells Peter she's tired, and he tells her to take a break -- maybe write a book with a ghostwriter, all about her life and political philosophy! I'm not sure she has the second thing, which could be a problem? "You can do it, Alicia," says Peter. "You can come back from this. I know it." I really find it hard to believe that, even with the election scandal, someone of Alicia's stature can't fail upward from this, so if we're supposed to be worried that she's going to be either seriously depressed or unable to pay the rent, I am not!

Back at Kalinda's, Cary makes one of his dumbest faces yet!

And then Alicia finds Kalinda's note! We don't even get to see what it says, which is really taking the enforced distance between these two actors a LITTLE far, before Alicia bitterly tosses it aside!

Alicia takes a couple of steps with her usual stoic face before doubling over and sobbing like crazy! OH NO, GURL, I'VE BEEN THERE: I THINK YOUR KIDNEY JUST THREW A STONE! Or you're really sad about the ruins of your life and the fact that you can't go out drinking about it with your "best friend," just the same as any other night in the past three years! WHAT ROTTEN LUCK!!!!!