The Good Wife Exercises Its Right To Choose...To Defend Someone Who Filmed A Deceptive Anti-Choice Video

Wooooo, A Content Warning!

Maybe we're going to see someone's butt!!!

Ew, This Content Warning

So much for butts: turns out this episode earned its content warning by featuring explicit descriptions (from a hidden-camera video) of abortions and the resultant fetal tissue, like "product" and "squash the specimen" and "I was working my forceps into position." And Jason's butt was RIGHT THERE, too.

Taking A Closer Lucca

Who called the meeting? Louis.

What's it about? Headhunting Lucca to come work for him.

How'd it go? Poorly. He tells her he's a fan and informs her that she could do better -- like, for instance, "$90,000 a year. Another thirty guaranteed as bonus. Plus 10% of whatever business you bring in." Lucca replies with a flat "No thanks." "You're four years out of law school, Lucca," Louis notes. "You don't have that much room to negotiate." Oh, but she's not trying to negotiate at all: she doesn't want to be bait. Louis pretends not to know what she means, forcing her to explain: "You're trying to lure Alicia, right? So either make it clear why you want me, or save your money." "And Alicia isn't even all that these days," she does not add.

Cold-Cocking The Cold Calls

Alert Type: Hustle Alert.

Issue: Grace has overheard Alicia and Lucca discussing how broke they are -- they've even moved to a "we eat what we kill" model, in which each partner gets to keep two-thirds of billing on any client she brings in, rather than split it 50/50, to make each of them hungrier to book new business -- and wants to help. Alicia, mostly seeming like she wants Grace out of her face, proposes that she start cold-calling businesses out of the phone book, like mid-sized insurance firms and real estate companies, to see if they need legal help. Grace asks whether she gets to keep a piece of what she can track down, so Alicia offers her half a percentage point on any billings for clients she attracts.

Complicating Factors: Grace's initial Googling ChumHumming returns hundreds of thousands of results, requiring her to change her research approach. Then, the first person she calls almost immediately hangs up because it must sound like she's calling from her empty teenaged bedroom.

Resolution: After setting up as many computers as she can collect and having them play loops of office sounds, she ends up landing a couple of whales who know Alicia from past dealings and are unhappy with their current representation. And they tell two friends, and they...well, actually there only end up being four in total.

Spoiler: Grace has got the eye of the tiger WAY more than her complacent mom does.

Suck It, Anti-Choice Marionette!

So this week Reese Dippold's considering throwing his support behind Citizens For Ethical Medicine, which has made a shady video in which an OB/GYN talks candidly about the sale of fetal organs harvested from terminated pregnancies. Diane explains to Ethan, Reese's general counsel, that in order to sue the organization for which the doctor in the video works, he'll need a very specific plaintiff: "You need a woman who had an abortion there; a woman who was lied to about the procedures; and a woman who suffered measurable harm as a result." Ethan thinks he's found one, but he wants Diane to cross-examine her to see if she's ready for court; Diane bitterly agrees, but sends Jason to dig up dirt on her, which he almost immediately does, and the way Diane utterly destroys this Stacy Groom character is so delicious it has GOT to be fattening.

Did the doctor, as Stacy claims, "trick" her into donating her fetal tissue? Probably not, given the form Stacy signed while fully in control of all her faculties.

When did Stacy figure out that the fetal tissue she donated wasn't going to be used for medical research? When she saw the Citizens For Ethical Medicine video.

When did she start suffering from symptoms -- "I cry all the time now; I can't eat, I can barely sleep" -- that kept her from being able to work? Those started after she saw the video too.

And so how long has she been experiencing deleterious effects from the abortion she had ten months ago? Two weeks.

And is that also about when she joined The Church Of God In Christ and became born-again rather than go to a doctor and get a diagnosis for her symptoms? Sure is!

And also, two months ago did she give this anonymous quote to the Tribune: "Choice is under attack by right-wing forces in this country." UMMMMMM KIND OF, BUT WHAT'S DIANE'S POINT? "So it seems like you tend to go from one extreme to another."

Sorry, Stacy, your case is bullshit and so are you. Not even Reese Dippold can support it now!

Cash, Money, "No"s

Situation: Courtney's still hanging around Peter's office in her capacity as his big-money donor.

What makes it awkward? She's about to implement a "salary floor" policy at her company, by which every employee would make a minimum salary of $75,000 -- something Eli thinks will reflect poorly on Peter if it gets out because it will be considered "socialism" even though it's 100% the private policy of a private company so HUH? But okay. Since he knows Alicia needs the money, he sends Courtney to talk to her...but first tells Alicia to talk her out of enacting the salary floor until after the election.

How is order restored? It isn't, really. Eli keeps trying to talk her into alternative avenues of altruism, but maybe Peter's campaign isn't his primary reason for doing so....

An Abortion Of A Case

Alert Type: First Amendment Alert.

Issue: Dr. Fisher, the woman in Ethan's group's scummy video, is suing to have it taken down, and he wants Diane to take the case.

Complicating Factors: Diane does not believe in this cause. When Ethan tries to spin that it's a First Amendment matter now, Diane's not trying to hear that: "Which you're using as a weapon to attack women and medicine and choice." "Anyone can defend the sympathetic client with popular beliefs," counters Ethan. "The real test of the First Amendment is whether we are willing to stand up for people and ideas we hate." "Well, that's more persuasive and plain-spoken than you normally are," drawls Diane. But whoops, he's quoting Diane herself, from a speech to Emily's List. Diane agrees to take the case, under duress.

Resolution: Diane goes back and forth with Samara Steel, Dr. Fisher's lawyer, on a variety of arguments -- was the video illegally obtained due to Illinois's two-party consent rule? did anyone have a reasonable expectation of privacy if this conversation took place in a noisy frozen yogurt shop? was the conversation a continuation of the conference where Dr. Fisher and Heidi, the woman who shot the video, met and which was supposed to have been covered by an NDA all participants signed? -- before Diane decides on a whistleblower defense, enlisting her old friend Stacy Groom to testify about her experience at the abortion clinic.

Spoiler: Diane's failure to follow her conscience this time is going to have consequences she really should have foreseen -- like, for instance, people who've always been her allies are going to be really grossed out.

Bun-In-The-Oven-Head

Florrick & Quinn, Clowns-At-Law

Alert Type: Epic Fail Alert.

Issue: In Florrick & Quinn's ongoing quest to book more business, Lucca's gone back on a second meeting at Louis's, where he presents several hand-picked clients she would represent were she to join his firm: a hotelier based in Jamaica (since, he notes, her father is Jamaican); a department store partnership with a son who keeps running into trouble with the law (so her bond court experience would stand her in good stead); and a charity that performs low-cost operations on patients in the developing world (really no one could be opposed to that one). Lucca makes note of all these possible splitters and brings them straight back to Alicia, because she's been a mole at Canning's all along!

Complicating Factors: When Alicia and Lucca set meetings with each of these potential clients, they suuuuuuuuck at pitching. They talk over each other; Alicia gets the name of their firm wrong; they start making their corporate pitch to the woman from the charity; it is a total shitshow.

Resolution: All three clients decide they're happy with Louis after all IF THIS IS THE ALTERNATIVE.

Spoiler: Alicia and Lucca are really lucky Grace has nothing better to do.

It's An Ex Parte Party!

Who called the meeting? Ben Margovski, the judge in Diane's case.

What's it about? How incredibly strange it is that she's arguing so hard for an anti-choice cause when he's known her for thirty years and knows that's really not her jam.

How'd it go? Uncomfortable. The judge tries to make it clear from the outset that he's talking to her not as Judge Margovski, but as Ben, her longtime friend. Not only is the whistleblower angle a giant reach, he says, but he doesn't get why she's trying so hard to make it. Keeping her voice low and restrained, Diane asks, "Are you saying that I shouldn't pursue this case because of my politics?" He's saying she shouldn't be pursuing it because it's not her. "This is about free speech, and you know it," she replies. He doesn't know it, actually; he thinks the tape is "disgusting": "It's like James O'Keefe with Acorn; it's like all right-wing Republicans. They don't play fair." Diane pointedly says, "You can't be telling me this." "And yet I am," says the judge. "I want you to stop trying to make this work." He tells her they're going to "go back out there, put this to bed, and make sure those videos never see the light of day." Uh oh, that all seems...not so legal.

Paiging Dr. Love!

Courtney wraps up a phone call while Eli clumsily lurks around her office, finally asking what he's doing there. Looking sad, he tells her he thought she wanted him to stay. She checks: is his main concern right now still Peter, and the effect on his campaign of her business decision? Eli says it is, and then asks what she means. They go back and forth about her intent and his intent and whether his alternative proposal of giving her employees unlimited vacation days is a sneaky way of controlling them until finally she just says, "Are you still trying to 'help' me?" "I'm not good at this," says Eli. Not letting him off the hook, Courtney asks what "this" is. "You're beautiful," says Eli. "And I'm-- Well, I have my moments. My office is the size of your bathroom, and I don't have the money you have."

Aw. You guys? ELI REALLY NEEDS THIS. Something has to happen to get him focused on something other than pressing his ear to that vent all the time.

After Judge Margovski denies Diane's motion for access to minute-by-minute procedure notes, she swallows hard and cites the specific statute for substitution of a judge. The opposing counsel is aghast! Judge Margovski denies that there's anything on the record to indicate his political bias in either direction, opening the door for Diane to mention the private conversation they had the other day.

The judge does not seem super-psyched that Diane has brought this up!

Diane sits and addresses Ethan and Heidi: "Sorry. I tried my best, but I've just become a liability. It's in your client's best interest for me to withdraw."

Outside, Cary compliments Diane on maneuvering to get them out of this dog of a case: "Nicely played. You found a way out without backing down from anyone. Kudos." Officially, Diane has no idea what he means! Never mind: he's just excited to return to the office and get back all the clients who've fled during what has certainly appeared to be Diane's complete political 180! By the way, this is the most Cary has had to do all episode. WHEN IS HE GOING TO START BEING BI ALREADY.

Except, uh oh, a bunch of those have already defected to Florrick & Quinn! Too bad so sad, Diane! Maybe do a cost-benefit analysis next time!

In Which Alicia Realizes That "Half A Percent" Doesn't Sound Like Much But Might Be A Lot

Grace pulls Alicia away from the celebration to tell her she'd like to collect on that chunk of change Alicia promised her for her cold-calling now. Alicia's like, that's adorable, and Grace is like, I am as serious as a heart attack, deadbeat.

Grace's Cold Calls = $35,800