The Good Wife Gives Alicia A New Opportunity To Earn That Nickname

Take Off! From The Great White North

Alert Type: Political Football Alert.

Issue: Our old friend Jeff Dellinger, the NSA whistleblower, has suspended lamming it to try to return to the U.S. for his mother's funeral, via Toronto (and while I could spend this whole post describing all the ways this show got Toronto-Pearson International Airport wrong, I won't, you're welcome...except that it doesn't look like a bus terminal OKAY I'M DONE). Though he takes precautions that, for someone in his position, are reasonable, he's also on a cell phone, which is how his old cronies at the NSA hear him. So while he's pretty worked up by the time he gets up to speak to the Customs officer -- there's a U.S. Customs checkpoint inside Pearson, so if you're flying to a U.S. destination, you clear Customs before you get on your flight -- he's also not paranoid, and when he tries to bail on his travel plans, he gets swarmed by U.S. Customs agents who want to speak to him....

Complicating Factors: ...but Peel Regional Police officers who are also in the vicinity assert their jurisdiction since, they say, Jeff had crossed back into Canadian territory.

Resolution: A Justice of the Peace -- played by House Of Cards star Jayne Atkinson, less convincing as a smug Canadian here than she is as a hawkish Louisianan Secretary of State there -- is brought in to moderate the dispute, and there's some business around the fact that the Americans are supposed to call her "Your Worship" and not "Your Honour" that is really not as funny as the show thinks it is, but shit gets real when Jeff is suddenly charged under the espionage act, which retrospectively legitimizes his detention by Customs.

There's the usual switchbacks and tactic changes, both from Jeff's defense team of Alicia and Lucca and Gerard Gallo, the lawyer representing, I guess, America. Here are the important beats of this story.

1. For all the Justice's superiority about domestic surveillance in the U.S., it turns out Canada does it too! The CSE is Canada's NSA! And they're surveilling Jeff!

2. There's evidence that Jeff knew about the assassination of Massoud Tahan and leaked it to the press, which is awkward because Alicia was on a panel that convicted her old pal Capt. Terrence Hicks of the same crime. When she tries to explain to Gallo that Hicks and Jeff can't both be guilty, he doesn't really GAF about justice so much as using this as a cudgel against Jeff, and furthermore notes that Alicia can't do anything with this information unless she wants to face an espionage charge herself.

3. Tyler announces that when he and Jeff were at the NSA, they surveilled Alicia by turning her phone into a hot mic. Alicia is, understandably, grossed out by the thought of all the sex the NSA has heard her have over the past few months -- although then, weirdly, it never comes up again in the episode? Wouldn't you spend your every waking moment after finding that out about yourself freaking the FUCK OUT about what the government overheard while you were carrying a hot mic around in your hand, pocket, or bra?

4. Lucca's not crazy about defending someone she personally considers a traitor.

5. The Justice rules that there's sufficient cause to extradite Jeff on his espionage charge, whereupon Alicia gets a good idea, and asks Jeff, "If the alternative is jail, could you live in Canada?" That's kind of a rude way of phrasing a question about immigrating to a pretty great country, Alicia! Anyway: yes, he could.

Spoiler: And yes, he will, but there's still some more fancy footwork his lawyers will have to do first.

I'm Not Like The Other Divorcées, I'm A Cool Divorcée

Alicia decides "on her way out the door to work/under frizzy wig poorly cut" is the right time to talk to Jason about the divorce she's planning to get. In a very girlish/annoying way, she dithers endlessly about the divorce part, because she doesn't want Jason to think she's doing it for reasons that have anything to do with him, or that she wants anything from him, or whatever the fuck, and then doesn't get to the part where she's (evidently) agreed to keep up appearances for Peter during his current legal crisis because then her phone starts blowing up. To make up for all the Conversations she has to keep subjecting Jason to, I really hope, for his sake, that Alicia makes up for it by having a truly world-class vagina -- friendly and welcoming as a warm cinnamon bun.

Because You Can't Almost Spell "Perp" Without "Peter"

Alicia is interrupted in her Talk by her phone -- first it's Jeff calling to beg her to get him out of the Midnight Express-ish hell that is detention in Canada, but then it's Eli, telling her Peter's being arrested. He doesn't have a chance to get too mad at her for having to be in Canada on this particular day because Mike pokes his head out the door and says it's actually going to happen the next day. Alicia can practise her look of fierce defiance in defense of her man on the plane!

Bake Him Away, Toys

Who called the meeting? Connor Fox, I guess.

What's it about? The circumstances of Peter's arrest.

How'd it go? As one would expect, it's pretty testy. Connor reminds Eli and Mike that "appearance negotiation" is a courtesy, and one that his office can withdraw at any time. But they come to terms. They'll arrest Peter at Connor's office, not "the apartment," which I guess means Alicia's. When Mike requests that they not cuff Peter, Connor wearily says those aren't optional; Mike asks that they cuff Peter's hands in front of him so that they can drape a coat over them, to which Connor snaps, "I am executing an arrest warrant, not stage-managing a TV event." "We are trying to maintain the dignity of this office," Eli thunders, "so the Governor does not look like Khalid Mohammed being dragged out of his apartment in a t-shirt!" Apparently that's the grossest thing Connor can imagine, because he's like, "Okay," but come on, we all know Peter would look good even in those circumstances. You know ya boy manscapes!

Sly And Retiring

Situation: Kurt's sick of seeing so little of Diane, his wife, so he's ready to sell his business and move in with her full-time. He's already found a buyer!

What makes it awkward? Kurt opens the discussion by saying "Let's talk" and gravely telling her he thinks they've only been together 98 days in the past three years, causing her to jump to the conclusion that he's about to tell her he wants a divorce. Once they get past that, though, Kurt asks Diane to look over the contracts -- which she does, even bringing in David Lee for a second opinion. Both of them agree that Kurt's sale price is only about 60% of what it's actually worth.

How is order restored? Diane and David set a meeting with a representative of PGT Ballistics, Kurt's would-be buyer, prepared to advocate passionately on their client's behalf. This'll be good!

Disgraced Man Walking

Alicia comes home from Canada to find Eli and Mike strategizing with Peter about their next steps with regard to his case.

They're all at Alicia's because there were cameras posted up outside the Governor's residence, but Alicia's pretty cool about it, going straight for the hooch and offering to pour drinks. Mike comments that he'd like the children to appear at the press conference at which Alicia will be declaring Peter's innocence, and before Eli can explain that such things aren't done, Alicia is agreeing. Shocked and a little hurt, Eli comments that Alicia's never said yes whenever he's asked to involve the kids in Peter's political career, but she replies, "Things have changed. Their dad's in trouble." However, "their dad" doesn't want to distract them from their college careers (in Zach's case) or plans (in Grace's) with his humiliating situation...

...and Alicia smiles faintly with approval at Peter's nobility, FOR ONCE.

But it doesn't last, because then the doorbell rings, and in pushes Connor, trailed by a shitload of marshals, to arrest Peter right now, because he figured out the Homeland Security meeting was a bluff and that Eli was just stalling to work on their defense strategy; he's also informed the media that this is happening, and there are cameras parked downstairs preparing to capture Peter's shame -- which is even worse than regular shame, as Eli yips: "He wants to embarrass you by dragging you out in your shirtsleeves!"

Little does he know that Alicia's prepared for just such a moment: she runs to her closet and chooses a tie and jacket...

...and comes back out to fix Peter up before they all head outside. When Connor snaps, "You know, Mrs. Florrick, this is not a photo op," Alicia bites back: "You will not embarrass my husband."

And I guess this arrest is a big deal because Alicia's latest gig as Good Wife to Peter even makes it into the credits! I doubt that's much comfort to Peter, but then again, he did do this to himself.

Well, Who Did You Think Would Be Investigating Peter's Case?!

Who called the meeting? Mike.

What's it about? Hiring Jason as his investigator on Peter's case.

How'd it go? As you'd expect? Jason tries to decline, but he can't say why, and Mike obviously has no idea anything's going on between Jason and Alicia. When Mike insists, Jason asks him to talk to Peter about it first, and that if Peter's okay with him working on the case, he will. Mike has a better idea: "I'll talk to the Governor. But you start right now. I need to know what the prosecutor has, and I'm already behind." But there's no way Jason will do that just to make a buck and/or preserve his relationship with this weirdo, is there?

Look What Jason's Doing Just To Make A Buck And/Or Preserve His Relationship With A Weirdo

Who called the meeting? Jason.

What's it about? Peter's case.

How'd it go? Stiffly. Cary says the murder case at the heart of this corruption charge was a good one: "We would've gotten the conviction." But then there was a problem with some bullets that went missing from the lab before they could be turned over to the defense for them to do their own tests with them. At the time, Cary blamed the lab, which he thought was "sloppy" and also "incompetent." The judge declared a mistrial: "And since jeopardy was attached--" "He couldn't be retried," Jason finishes. Jason tells Cary, as though Cary doesn't know, that Connor's going to say Peter ordered someone to "lose" the bullets: "And it's more likely that he leaned on the lead prosecutor than some lab tech." "That I will not say," says Cary. So...yes? (This is boring, right? We agree on that?)

Jason asks if there's anything else he should know. "Just that people change," shrugs Cary. "I think I know people, even well?" He shrugs again. Regarding him appraisingly, Jason asks, "You talking about someone in particular?" Cary gazes flatly back at him. ...Wait, does this mean Cary knows something about Jason's scandalous past? THAT might be less boring! But they have to hurry up and get to it!

Finally, Jason gets up from the table and asks Cary, "Does Peter Florrick have any reason to be concerned about you?...Your testimony?" "Only if he has reason to be concerned about the truth," says Cary. Uh oh. Peter has reason to be concerned about the truth on any number of topics! Probably all of them, actually!

Putting The "P" In "Private Investigator"

Situation: The first Eli learns of Jason working on Peter's case is when he walks in on him giving Mike a status report. When he pulls Mike out into the hall to hiss at him angrily, Mike doesn't get what Eli's problem is: "He's worked for us before. He's still working for Alicia. And he's preternaturally calm."

What makes it awkward? As Eli knows but Mike does not, Jason's totally boning Peter's ex-wife. It's just too bad Jason's the only investigator in the entire city of Chicago! Anyway, now Eli has to tell this to Peter, like Peter doesn't have enough problems already.

How is order restored? I'm not sure it is? The first thing Peter tells Eli is "Find somebody else." When Eli tries to stick up for Jason, Peter tells him, "Alicia is divorcing me." He seems surprised that Eli didn't already know, but Eli's immediate thought is, "Did you explain to her how that would look?" Peter tells him about the plan to cover it up, to which Eli says, "Good," and then realizes his gaffe and clicks into Person mode, telling Peter he's truly sorry the marriage is over. But then the matter of Jason's working Peter's case doesn't come up again in the episode, so...maybe Peter decides offscreen that he doesn't have the luxury of caring whether Jason's involved...in this? I don't know. It's probably this or try to find an investigator in Joliet since there aren't any others.

Double-Barreled Double Ds

Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang

Who's causing a family crisis? Diane.

How? She doesn't understand why Kurt would sell his company to Holly at such a low price, other than that he's susceptible to the charms of "pretty young blonde Republicans."

Who's an unlikely ally? David. When he asks Diane why Kurt would undervalue his company so much just to unload it, Diane suggests that he might want "to live his life." David:

Which relatives have a problem with it? Kurt, who says he and Holly shook on a price and that he intends to honour it -- even if Diane comes through on her promise to sell the company for what it IS worth and put the $500,000 overage into a fund he can use to pay "Republican strippers."

Spoiler: Diane likes Kurt more than she likes money.

Orange Is The New Peter

Alicia and Peter reconvene after her latest trip to Canada to talk about how things are looking on his case. She's cheered that the Sun-Times called the case a "witch hunt" (as, across town, Mike Tascioni hangs a "MISSION ACCOMPLISHED" banner over Tom's dog bed), and jokes that Peter looked good. He is thoughtful enough to ask about her case, which she says will be over soon. "Just in time for Mother's party," Peter exposits, and Alicia's like, oh right, that thing.

If you're wondering why Peter hasn't mentioned/picked a fight about the fact that Jason's investigating the case, it may be because Connor Fox just sent over a plea bargain. Alicia says that's a good sign, and asks what it is. "Three years," says Peter. "Probation?" Alicia guesses. Peter:

"Yeah, I know," Peter nods. Alicia finds her voice to ask what Mike says. "He says they have a case." Alicia looks gutted, and then the camera pulls back to show the Florricks, knee to knee, combatants back on the same side. "So we're right back where we started, huh?" muses Peter ruefully. IT'S ALMOST LIKE YOU'RE COMING FULL CIRCLE AS YOUR STORY IS ENDING OR SOMETHING.

On the phone, Alicia and Lucca discuss why the NSA is working so hard to get Jeff back -- it's because they don't want the CSE to have him!

The CSE, totally eavesdropping, is like, OH HELL NO.

Alicia hangs up, pleased.

Lucca does not seem as sure that this was a cool thing to have done.

But it worked! Her Worship grants Jeff's asylum request, because the CSE wants to work him -- and sure enough, the supervisor who's been watching the proceedings is right there to retrieve Jeff. (But its okay: being "worked" in Canada just means you have to go four straight hours without a Tim Hortons break.)

Kurt enters Diane's office, where she immediately apologizes: "It's your business, not mine. You should sell it if you want to whomever you want for whatever you want." But Kurt says he's going to look for another buyer! (One whose boobs he hasn't seen naked, one presumes, though he doesn't say so.) Diane reiterates that they don't need the money and that he should do what he want, but he tells her, "I am. I'm going to look for another buyer." "Why?" asks Diane. "Because I love you," Kurt replies. And then they hug and kiss because they have secretly been this show's OTP since he showed up. I love them both!

Alicia comes home looking very very tired, but not so tired that her Jason Detector doesn't start pinging, and sure enough, there he is, leaning in a doorway. They make the tiniest of small talk before she finally blurts, "When I told you I was divorcing, I didn't mean for it to throw us off." "I know," Jason replies. "But it did throw us off?" she asks. "What do you want, Alicia?" he asks, coming closer. "Why are you getting divorced?" Alicia tries going glib with a reference to her husband sleeping with prostitutes, but Jason is a good investigator and he knows that was a long time ago; why is she getting divorced now? "Because I want to," Alicia tells him. "Because the kids are leaving home. Because...everything. What do YOU want, Jason?" As we know, Jason wants things simple, but Alicia says they aren't: "I'm not simple. Nothing's simple." Jason finds this answer as frustrating as we do and asks Alicia again, "Okay. Then what do you want?" Alicia takes only the tiniest beat before FINALLY COMING OUT WITH WHAT WE ALL KNOW AND HAVE BEEN KNOWING: