The Good Wife Tries To Settle Back Into Firm Life, But Will Her Attempt Be Foiled?

Curses! Foiled Again For The Very First Time

Alert Type: ChumHum Alert.

Issue: Lucca and Alicia have barely settled in for their first day as colleagues at Lockhart, Agos & Lee when Howell, the firm's IT guy, careens into Alicia's office with a question. He and his girlfriend were at a consumer electronics show the previous night and found a prototype of the Foil, ChumHum's not-yet-released tablet. He's been offered $100,000 for it from a tech blog called Gadgie, and he wants Alicia to represent him in the negotiations.

Complicating Factors: About a fucking million, so get comfortable. There's the fact that LAL and ChumHum have a long and fraught history -- which viewers of this show know all too well, which is why one of the aspects of this show they're going to miss the LEAST is having to hear that dumb fake company name twenty-two Sundays out of the year. Because of that, Diane and Cary are wary shading on paranoid about representing Howell on this; when Lucca says that, under the law, the Foil wasn't stolen but rather was found, Diane says they need to give ChumHum the chance to take it back. Lucca says that's not actually true under the law, but gamely goes ahead and calls ChumHum customer service: after confirming that the call is being recorded and that she's speaking to a supervisor, she says she has a Foil; when he insists that she can't possibly, so she can keep whatever it is she does have, she ends the call: "Constructive notice given and rejected."

So then Cary and Diane basically wait for Alicia to get distracted by something else and then email her that they're dropping the Howell matter, and no sooner has Alicia gone in to argue about that with Cary when a battalion of agents from something called TAPS storms the place with a warrant for Howell's arrest, which not even Diane can countenance. When she, Cary, and Alicia have all gone to consult with Howell where he's being held, in strolls Neil Gross, offering to drop the charges if Howell will just say who gave him the Foil. Rightly, the lawyers all have a bad feeling about what the hell TAPS even is and why a law enforcement body would let Gross in to the interview room, and when they put Jason on it, they find out it's a multi-agency task force that works with large companies in Silicon Valley to fight electronics theft; this Agent Dunst who was on point for Howell's arrest is based in San Francisco, but he got to Chicago so fast thanks to a lift on Gross's private plane.

So THEN it turns into a question of whether anyone should abide by TAPS actions or if the agency is bought and paid for by corporate interests (and, in testimony, Alicia does confirm that the heads of more than a dozen Silicon Valley companies sit on the TAPS "steering committee" -- a body that doesn't exist at the FBI, the Secret Service, or the Chicago Police Department). They even bring back that guy Dudewitz from the self-driving car case to cast doubt on Gross's whole deal, since the two of them have beef going back decades; Dudewitz suggests that this entire case is a marketing ploy to get the Foil in the news.

And THEN, when Ferris, the judge on the case (requisite quirk: grossed out by ants all over his bench), says that the case against Howell can proceed six months hence, Alicia and Jason are having an offhand conversation about Howell's bail, which has been raised to $250,000 -- which Jason says he'll be able to afford once he sells the Foil to Gadgie, because that's their current offer. Alicia, who knows Lucca has the Foil in her possession and is concealing it from a second, far more draconian TAPS search, basically accuses her of having negotiated with Gadgie via back channels, and instead of getting very offended, Lucca just pulls up Howell's Twitter feed, and its 419K followers. THIS GIVES ALICIA AN IDEA.

Resolution: Alicia argues that, as a citizen journalist, Howell has the right to protect the identity of his tipster, and the judge agrees. Case dismissed!

Speculation: There's got to be at least one more earth-scorching battle with ChumHum before the show ends for good, right?

Smoothie Operator

Who's on a date? Marissa and this guy who flirted with her across the counter during her shift at her new job at a smoothie bar, who WE know is Roland Hlavin, Alicia's old fake client/actual FBI agent, though Marissa doesn't.

Where has he taken her? The smoothie place where she works, which also seems to serve some kind of burrito bowl situation, judging by all the corn on Marissa's dish. (You guys, for real? I would murder a baby for a Chipotle chicken burrito bowl right now.)

Are things headed in a horizontal direction? They sure aren't. In fact, this FBI agent is so obvious in his "curious" questions about Marissa's dad, his work on Peter's campaign, and what it was like for Marissa to work on Alicia's State's Attorney run that she quietly pulls her phone out and starts recording their conversation (which, again, this FBI agent doesn't even notice), and then heads straight to Eli's office to tell him all about it. Eli, the dear, glows with pride as he tells her, "Now I get why people have children: they can admire themselves in someone else." Hee! Although, no one's going to suggest that maybe Roland, the FBI agent, let Marissa get away with taping him as part of a longer game? I have to do it? Okay then.

Black Is The New Associate

Situation: Since the second Lucca arrived at the firm, no one's been able to shut up about how much they want her to meet Monica, requiring Lucca to keep reminding her that they already met when they worked on opposite sides of the ChummyMaps case.

What makes it awkward? It's extremely obvious to both Lucca and Monica that the reason everyone keeps trying to matchmake them as friends and colleagues (Diane even pulls Lucca off Howell's case to work on a Dippold filing with Monica) is that they're apparently the only two associates of colour in the joint.

How is order restored? It's not; Lucca and Monica pretty much just roll their eyes at the dumb honkies and get on with it.

Scrutiny Leads To Screwed

Who called the meeting? Eli.

What's it about? The Roland Hlavin situation.

How'd it go? After confirming that the two of them are still "good" -- which she says they are -- he tells her he thinks the feds are investigating her.

Eli, in a wise CYA move, already talked to Judge Schakowsky out of fear that Hlavin might be looking into the arrangement Eli and Schakowsky did earlier, but Schakowsky told him that when Hlavin approached him recently, all he wanted to talk about was Alicia. However, Alicia doesn't really get the chance to ask any follow-up questions with Howell's case still boiling up all around her, so the meeting's not that satisfying for either of them.

Rabid Ruth

Who called the meeting? Ruth.

What's it about? The grand jury subpoena she's just received from the FBI.

How'd it go? It starts VERY badly: Ruth assumes Eli has sold her out in some way and that this summons is his doing. But he insists that he has nothing to do with it, and promises that if anything he hears suggests she might be in some kind of trouble, he'll let her know. (The fact that she's this freaked out makes me wonder what's on her guilty conscience, but we don't find out about that this week.) Ruth is dubious, but Eli reassures her insistently: "We may be mercenaries, but even mercenaries have a code." I liked Eli better when he was chaotic evil.

Ice Queens

After Lucca deserts Monica and the fucking Dippold filing to resume working on Howell, Diane decides it's time to pull Alicia into her office for a super-friendly totes no presh chat that ends up in shows of force on both sides. Diane keeps it low-key at first, vaguely saying that she and Alicia need to "find a working rhythm again." Alicia apologizes for the rapid escalation of Howell's case, but Diane says that's not exactly it: "When Cary suggested that you come back, I wasn't against it. But I was afraid that there might be a few bumps....A certain independence, and a resistance to oversight." "Okay, tell me how you would like me to improve," says Alicia evenly. Diane tells her straight up that Lucca's not Alicia's associate; she's the firm's. Alicia says that since Lucca was with Alicia when Alicia caught Howell's case, she assumed that meant they'd work it together. Diane says that is how it works sometimes, when the partners agree. Alicia, with all the honey she can pour: "I see. I'm sorry. I should have checked with you first, anything else?" In fact, there is more: Diane wants to make sure Lucca understands that she's answerable to the firm, not to Alicia. Okay, you all know I am ride or die for Diane, but like, Alicia already apologized and said she got it: if there's something else, say something else, don't keep chewing over the same point you've both already settled just because you want to make sure that ALICIA knows what this meeting is really about is that ALICIA is answerable to the firm. Alicia's not an idiot; if she were, you wouldn't have wanted her back.

To my point, Alicia smoothly says that while she's thrilled to be back and to be of service, she isn't like other brand-new hires at the firm: "I also return with some cases, clients, and knowledge."

OH DIANE. NO. NO YOU DID NOT. This is not collegial! If you still have so much resentment toward Alicia that you'd kick her legs out from under her like that, YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE GONE ALONG WITH CARY'S IDEA OF REHIRING HER. But Alicia doesn't let the blow land: "Yes. I do mean in bond court. Lucca is smart, and forward-leaning, and a prodigy. And with respect, she shouldn't be given grunt work." "Your advice is welcome," says Diane. "The partners will consider it. Thank you."

Maybe Alicia can go ahead and mention the busted chair tomorrow.

The Fed's Not Going To Get Fed

Who's on a date? Roland thinks he's meeting Marissa for another friendly lunch/info dump, but she only made the arrangement at the direction of her father, who shows up in her place.

Where have they met? Marissa's smoothie joint. GET THE THING WITH CORN, ELI. OH MY GOD, WHY AM I SO HUNGRY.

Are things headed in a horizontal direction? They really aren't. Eli opens by telling Roland he's wasting his time going after Ruth. Roland expresses surprise that Eli is coming to her defense, given that she and the Florricks pushed Eli out of Peter's campaign. "What do you want to know, Agent Hlavin or Deveraux?" asks Eli. "Instead of poking around with Ruth Eastman and god knows who else, why don't you just ask me? What do you want?" "You'll find out soon enough," sneers Roland. Eli tells him he can't play this game forever, and when Roland asks if that's a threat ("Just observing," shrugs Eli), Roland comes back with some much less subtle threats of his own: "Be careful, Eli. I have the full resources of the FBI and the Justice Department behind me on this. And we always get what we're after!" Honestly, everyone on this stupid show is so crooked that I can't even guess what it is the feds might have on Alicia. The vote fraud is already out in the open. Is it Lemond Bishop stuff? NSA business with her informant? The reason we haven't seen Zach in forever is that Alicia killed him?! WHAAAAAAAAT.

Cary congratulates Lucca on the journalism angle in Howell's case...but he needs her on something else. What ever could it be?

Nothing much -- just more filings of colour. "Do you know any spirituals?" asks Monica. hee, BUT FOR REAL, THIS IS INSULTING.

Alicia returns to her office to find Ruth waiting for her with an office-warming gift of some extremely strong tequila. Since Alicia's only ever five minutes away from either her next drink or her last one, she cheerfully pours, and winces at her first sip, which, given it's Alicia, must mean it's basically turpentine. Ruth sits and comments that she thought Alicia reveled in her independence. "Big decisions are easy when you have no other options," says Alicia wryly. After some pleasantries about what Ruth's working on now, she quits fucking around and gets to it: "Your husband has a target on his back....No question Peter loves you, but he can hurt you. Drag you down. Not only destroy everything you've done, but everything you want to do. Cash out while you still can."

So even though I may not know what the feds are investigating, that face suggests that Alicia might have an idea.

...Okay, show. We get it.