Will Kalinda Ever Wrap Up The Longest Goodbye?

This Plan Has Already Gone To Pot

Alicia's just finished telling Jacob Rickter, her first client in her private practice, that he might want to consider going a little more cautiously into the medical marijuana biz when her rather formal living-room meeting with Peter and Eli (of which more later) gets interrupted with a call from Jacob that she sends to voicemail...and which she instantly regrets dodging since it sounds like very bad things are happening on his end if "I don't have any cash! Alicia! Alicia! Help me!" is anything to go by. When she calls Jacob's cell and immediately gets his voicemail, she tries his home line, which his wife Nicole picks up, sounding totally casual and obviously having no idea anything's wrong; it's only after they've traded a couple more calls and Nicole rhetorically asks why Jacob would have called Alicia and not her that Alicia figures out he wasn't getting rolled: he was getting arrested!

Bald Legal Eagle

Spy Games?

Alert Type: Possible Mole Alert.

Issue: A certain Simone Rauschenbusch has just gotten herself a paralegal job at Lockhart, Agos & Lee.

Complicating Factors: Simone is better known by her married name: Canning. Because the notorious Louis Canning is her husband.

Resolution: Though Diane fights for her, appreciating that Simone applied for the job under her maiden name because she wanted to get it on her own and believing Simone when she promises that she's very discreet, both Cary and David Lee insist that it's too risky to have her working there as a possible spy for Canning, so Diane, with a heavy heart, volunteers to be the one to let her go (claiming it's for financial reasons, which a weepy Simone sees through).

Spoiler: It might not be the greatest idea to piss off someone as vindictive as Canning.

A Little Slice Of Saudi Arabia Right Here In Chicago

Alicia uses the Find iPhone app on Nicole's phone to find the last spot Jacob's phone was turned on, and drives to a totally unremarkable intersection to see what she can see. Conveniently, she happens to be standing there when a marked police car (sloppy) turns into a loading bay, and when she follows it, she finds herself in an institutional-looking lobby where her cell phone doesn't work. Tannerman, a very affable and obviously green uniformed cop behind the counter, confirms that Jacob's there...for one second, before coming out and badly lying that he was mistaken, as seasoned/mean cops manhandle Alicia into the street. Of course, they're not so seasoned as to stay to make sure she doesn't take a photo of the building façade, which seems even sloppier than ferrying suspects to this joint in fully marked CPD vehicles. I'm just saying, we'd run kind of a tighter ship at my off-the-books police department black site.

Ordinary Rendition

Alert Type: Black Site Alert.

Issue: Jacob's almost certainly being held at Homan Square, a real black site used by the Chicago Police Department; Finn recognizes it when Alicia shows him the photo she took -- oh, and by the way, he does want to join her law practice!

Complicating Factors: The nature of the facility is such that Alicia and Finn have no way of determining that Jacob is actually there, let alone providing counsel to him; when Alicia plays her voicemail message for Brody and Judge Morris, the judge agrees with Brody that it doesn't sound like an arrest at all.

Resolution: Alicia plays on Tannerman's sympathies, claiming that Jacob is epileptic and needs meds, pressing Jacob's doctor's number on him and imploring him to call. Joke's on the soft-hearted Tannerman: the number she gave him is Finn's because Jacob isn't epileptic at all, so Tannerman accidentally confirms that Jacob actually is in custody. Judge Morris isn't thrilled about this ruse, but she does grant Alicia a court order to spring Jacob from Homan Square.

Spoiler: You don't get to be in charge of a CPD black site by being co-operative.

Veeping The Faith

Who's causing a family crisis? Peter.

How? He previously mentioned it to Alicia, but now he's also gathered the kids to bring them in on it: he's been asked to run for president, but with an eye to getting added to the Democratic ticket as a vice-president; however, he won't do it unless all the Florricks sign off on it.

Who's an unlikely ally? Stupid Zach, who thinks it's a great idea with no possible downside!

Which relatives have a problem with it? Grace, who figures this is going to mean that Peter and Alicia are going to have to keep pretending they're married. As Peter tries to plead his case to Grace, Alicia pulls him aside and tells him he can't put it on the kids: Grace will just say yes because she knows it's what Peter wants, and when the press tears the family to shreds, Grace will blame herself, so Peter should quit acting like Alicia or the kids could really stop him doing what he wants to do. Peter, hurt, asks if Alicia really thinks he couldn't walk away from this, and she says she doesn't -- so when he insists that he could, she calls his bluff and tells him she doesn't want him to run. Peter: "Okay."

Really? I know, right? I'm not sure Alicia actually has more sway over Peter at this point than Eli does.

Sharma Chameleon, You Come And Go

Who called the meeting? Kalinda.

What's it about? Somehow, it's gotten back to her that Charles Lester's been looking for her (presumably, the email Cary sent that immediately bounced back actually did get to her), and she doesn't want him making any more veiled threats to her friends.

How'd it go? Pretty well: though Lester doesn't really buy her claim that she didn't go on the lam, or that Dexter is really the one to blame for Bishop's current legal issues, he's mollified by her promise to come meet with Bishop. (He's less thrilled that, after confiscating his phone to make sure he doesn't record their conversation, she walks off with it, suggesting that he buy a new one.)

Alicia vs. Eli

After getting a look at her ghostwriter Joel's early draft printouts covered in handwritten notes, she figures out that Eli's the one suggesting that Joel needs to "soften" Alicia, and summons Eli to the courthouse while she's on break so she can yell at him. She gathers that Eli wanted to rehabilitate her image with the public to burnish Peter's presidential (or rather his vice-presidential) cred and remake her "as a homemaker." I mean, it's ALMOST better than her current situation, working out of her son's bedroom because the firm she co-founded wouldn't have her back? Regardless, she's not convinced that Eli's version of events -- a sanitized "memoir" of a dutiful political wife that even includes some recipes -- is "a good story," and slams the notes into his chest: "No to this. No to being First Lady. No to everything."

Winner: Alicia.

Sharma Chameleon, You Come And Go Some More

Who called the meeting? Kalinda.

What's it about? Alicia's self-preservation.

How'd it go? Kalinda tells her she knows Lester was bugging Alicia, and that the reason she left Alicia that note -- which she describes as a confession -- was to get Alicia off the hook if the shit went down; she insists that Alicia give it to him. Alicia changes the subject to herself (surprise), saying that after the election, when she gave up on worrying what people thought of her, what she really missed was drinking with Kalinda. With moist eyes, Kalinda haltingly says, "My time with you, as your friend, was the best I ever had," and she's sorry things got "messed up." Alicia wishes they had the chance to do things over again, to which some might say that maybe Julianna Margulies shouldn't have put a ban on sharing scenes with Archie Panjabi back in Season 4, if indeed that's what happened? ANYWAY: they clink shots, and then Kalinda confirms that Alicia will probably never see her again and takes off, and Alicia can't even manage to watch her leave. So this is the scene that fans of their former friendship were supposed to be so happy about? WOW, THAT WAS WEAK.

Canning vs. Lockhart, Agos & Lee

Well, here's where Diane starts to look a lot more right about firing Simone, as Louis stomps into her office, as Cary and David flank her desk, and starts screaming at all of them: "She's sobbing at home! She's inconsolable!" He notes that, as adversarial as he's been over the years, he's never gone after any of their family members. David: "We have no family members." (Diane wisely doesn't remind them that she's actually married.) Louis then basically declares a blood feud: "I'm gonna burn this place to the ground!...I will pull you three apart until there's nothing left!" When he leaves, Cary, sounding actually worried, asks, "What can he do?" "Nothing," sneers David. "He's a wounded beast, crying out. Best just to turn away."

But Diane is not so sure!

Winner: Louis.

Lester comes back to Alicia's to try to strong-arm her some more, since Kalinda didn't show up for the meeting with Bishop that she'd volunteered to take! As he talks and talks, Alicia retrieves the note Kalinda left her from a coffee can safe, and burns it in front of him! "Why did you do that?" he sputters. "Because I didn't want you to have it," she drawls. "What did it say?" he demands. "It said goodbye. Goodbye, Mr. Lester." OH GOODY, I GUESS THIS HAS TO DRAG INTO NEXT SEASON, WITH EVEN MORE PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT KALINDA AS WE, THE VIEWERS, KNOW SHE'S DEFINITELY NEVER COMING BACK! That'll be REALLY COMPELLING!

Mean Cop Collins having stonewalled on the witness stand about keeping Alicia from talking to Jacob even after she got a court order, Finn and Alicia have decided to call Nice Cop Tannerman to try to corroborate Jacob's description of his time at Homan Square! Tannerman, at first, sticks with "I made a mistake" as his explanation for why Alicia didn't get to see Jacob when she first got to Homan Square, but even with the mean eyes of Mean Cop Collins on him, he finally confirms that he did hear on the radio that Jacob was coming in on a 1026 -- "Chicago police code for detained arrestee"! That's all Judge Morris needs to hear to throw out the coerced confession about buying medical marijuana plants that Jacob made during his rendition! An early victory for the law firm of Florrick & Polmar!

Lester is shopping for a new phone when Kalinda appears and returns his old one to him! She explains that she was totally going to meet with Bishop like she said she would, but then she remembered that he's leaving "the business," so he wouldn't have any power anymore anyway! "I don't think it's a good idea to test Mr. Bishop's power," warns Lester! Kalinda calmly says, "You know, uh, I downloaded a flash drive of data from Bishop's computer, and it had receipts and notes on your, uh, employment. But I didn't see a reason to give it to the State's Attorney's office. You could always give me a reason." Lester: "That's a bluff." But then, realizing it isn't, he snaps, "What is it with all these tough-talking women? You know a word you don't hear very much anymore? 'Demure'! How about bringing that one back!" Finally, knowing there's no point fighting it further, he sighs that he'll tell Bishop he tried to find Kalinda and couldn't. But hey, is she sure she doesn't want to start a business with Lester? "We could dominate!" he enthuses.

And THAT is a series wrap on Archie Panjabi. Man, her long goodbye really makes the argument for TV characters leaving their shows via shocking shooting deaths.

Alicia opens her apartment door to Finn, and excitedly tells him she was just looking at inexpensive office spaces they might rent! He's like, ABOUT THAT....! See, he's been seeing his ex-wife, hoping to start something up with her again, so he's realized that working with Alicia is probably a bad idea, because there's a "thing" between them! "And we push it, and then we say we won't, and then we push it again, and I can't live that way. I can't." "We don't have to push it...?" Alicia tries. Finn knows: "It's not always do or don't." "I don't want to work alone," whines Alicia. Finn knows, and he's sorry, but he has to go! AND THAT'S WHY YOU DON'T MISS YOUR WINDOW, ALICIA, YOU DUMMY!

Alicia's wandering around her apartment calling herself stupid and trying to decide what she's going to do next when a knock comes at the door! She looks relieved as she opens it, obviously assuming it's Finn and that he changed his mind back already...but it is not Finn at all!

...Finally, one thing in this whole episode to make me excited about Season 7! SEE YOU THIS FALL!