At Last, Everyone Escapes From Under The Dome, And Into Some Other Kind Of Baloney

Now that Queen E's left no ambiguity as to who is The Kinship's captain now, she's rallying the troops with some speeching her predecessor would have been proud of -- I mean, other than the part where she kind of consigns Christine to the dustbin of history: "Christine's reign is over. She fulfilled her purpose to create a new, stronger queen: me. I am here to lead you, our Kinship, out of the Dome, to prevent the extinction of our species. What once protected us is now strangling us. But before we can move on, we must stop a dire threat that will do anything to thwart us. There's an enemy within." While I don't particularly approve of Queen E's lack of collegiality, I will give her credit for focusing on the actual human threat in a way Christine did only intermittently/for plot contrivance reasons!

Speaking of the human threat: good news! That transmitter works great! Joe & Co. just need power to run it! I guess I don't know what's wrong with the power that, for the past several episodes, we've seen running electric car chargers and Joe's purely recreational stereo and Hunter and Lily's computers and, for that matter, how they even know the transmitter works if they don't have a power source for it right now but sure, why not! Straight out of fucking nowhere, Norrie's suddenly like, "What's going to happen when we get out of here? How will we even go back to our old lives?" and Joe's all, "I don't know that we can." No time to get into your RELATIONSHIP CHATTER, though: Queen E's drones surround all the kids with huge machine guns drawn! I have no idea how they're armed all of a sudden, but sure, why not!

And then Barbie and Julia are burying Girl Scientist, Barbie still all in a state since Girl Scientist was his last hope for finding a cure for "his" "daughter." Julie tragic-ironies that once they finish this job, they have to go touch base with Christine now that she's had her rest (she's getting a lot of that, JS, don't worry), but first they're going to have to try and outrun this other circle of armed drones! Julia takes a couple of wild shots and is out of ammo, like, immediately, so she and Barbie pretty much just have to stand there uselessly...

...until Queen E emerges from the crowd and calls off her army. Barbie, reasonably enough, mistakes her for Eva, but Queen E sniffs, "Eva's dead, and so is Christine." "Say hello to our new queen," smirks Sam. "Hey Dad," says Queen E, sarcastically cocking her head. Barbie:

Oh, great, now Barbie'll NEVER knock off the "my daughter" horseshit!

The Dawn Of A New Era

Who's causing a family crisis? Dawn, which apparently is Queen E's actual name.

How? Typical unruly childish behaviour: she's locked up all the members of The Resistance in the jail (all together in one cell, of course, the better to plot and collude) so that she can use them as leverage to make Joe finish the De-Dome-inator.

Which relatives have a problem with it? Barbie; Julia, who I guess is technically her stepmother. The other less-infected humans aren't thrilled either, but they're polite enough not to interfere in a family matter.

Who's an unlikely ally? Stupid Barbie, who lets himself get drafted into the project of setting up the amethysts for the De-Dome-inator on the theory that if he can just get some one-on-one time with Dawn, he'll be able to bring her around to...not being an alien? It's not really clear what he hopes to accomplish, actually.

Spoiler: Big Jim and Julia are kept at the jail, guarded by Kyle, since they were never part of The Kinship and Dawn doesn't trust them. Lily, who also was never infected? Totally cool, apparently. On his way out -- definitely close enough for Kyle to hear everything, not that he reacts at all -- Barbie tells Julia of his Dawn deprogramming "plan," "If I'm wrong, then I'll-- Then I'll kill her myself." And he means it! He just doesn't have a lot of follow-through.

Oh Right, That Thing

Remember all the times we saw Christine narrating her evil queen plans into that audio recorder and how it was a big goddamn deal for Hunter to crack the password and so forth?

Well, I hope you enjoyed those thirteen seconds of Dawn listening to it because that's the whole payoff.

Good Thing That Egg Landed In Such A Tunnelly Region Of America!

So since Dawn's a whole six hours old now or something, Sam's decided it's the perfect time to start putting the moves on her, marching into what is now her office and informing her that Junior's not a fit Alpha, given that he tried to drown a bunch of kids -- way to piss all over the Guy Code, BRAH -- and demanding, "Let me be your mate." "The rule of the Alpha must be earned," Dawn announces. Oh good, Sam's got that covered! He tells her, "Chester's Mill is surrounded by The Military." From a safe distance not perceptible by human eyes, apparently. "Once the Dome is gone, the Army will flood in, and you'll be captured and experimented on just like Christine was." Dawn says Christine never mentioned anything about that, and Sam says she didn't know. But he knows how to weasel away once the Dome comes down: "The cement factory has tunnels that lead to the next town over -- behind military lines." Fucking seriously? Okay, in the first place, if this strategically significant cement factory was ever mentioned before last week, it definitely was not at any point in Seasons 2 or 3. And second, more fucking tunnels??? Like the ones the HIGH SCHOOL was also built on and everyone knew about all last goddamn season? WHAT IS THIS TOWN?!!?!?!?!!!!?

What, No Mini-Barrel Of Brandy?

So Big Jim asked Kyle to bring him Indy -- "He's the key to my heart" -- and for some reason Kyle, the alien-infected prison guard, complied, and somehow, he knew to find Indy where we last saw him, in Big Jim's bomb shelter, which presumably was locked, and somehow, he didn't inspect Indy at all before admitting him into the jail cell, which is how Big Jim gets a key to the cell door off Indy's collar and, when Julia sends Kyle to get water to alleviate the heart episode she pretends Big Jim is having, opens the cell, and lets them out.

Science!

I...don't even know where to begin with THIS shit. Okay, actually I do: the kids are all at the burned-down radio station, determining that the transmitter that was there when it burned is still functional, because they've found a power source from ??? Sure, why not. Since many in the audience will know that electrical devices don't work without electricity, the dialogue in this scene just BLOWS RIGHT PAST THAT and straight into some real goddamn nonsense.

From You, Okay? I Learned It From Watching Implanted Memories Of You!

Barbie having duly gone along with Dawn's orders to put all the amethyst pieces in position for the De-Dome-inator, he can't help noticing that the drones who are also engaged in this effort aren't as strong and tough or motivated as he is and asks Dawn to let them take a break for some water: "Christine said The Kinship was to take care of its own." Dawn DGAF, and to prove it, she summarily shoots one of the drones right in front of Barbie. "You're not a leader," huffs Barbie. "You're a killer." Uhhhhhh, YOU KILL PEOPLE ALL THE TIME, Barbie! Has the sun even set? Because if not, you killed someone TODAY. The only times you stop killing people are when you're threatening to kill people with your bare hands! Unfortunately for Barbie and his attempt to put up his yurt on the moral high ground, Dawn isn't your typical fully-grown adult daughter born after a three-day gestation, and she already knows aaaaaaaaaall about Barbie: "Like father like daughter." Barbie: "I would never--" "Take a life?" finishes Dawn. "We both know that's not true. You ever wonder why you lived the life you did in the Matrix? One that embraced your darkness? Did it ever occur to you that it was all done so that you could pass that darkness on to me?" In other words: THAT'LL DO, BARBIE.

R.I.P. Sam Verdreaux

Of course Junior was eavesdropping on the cement factory/tunnel conversation earlier, so when Sam shows up there alone to location-scout it, I guess, Junior confronts him, informing him that he, and not Sam, is Dawn's rightful Alpha. Sam incredulously reminds Junior that he tried to drown some children, as though Sam is so superior for only having participated in drowning old people, and a scuffle ensues. Are we...supposed to root for one of these two ALIEN PUPPETS over the other? They're both enemies of humanity; who cares which of them survives to stick his thing in a six-hour-old lady baby? (I mean, sorry to be gross, but: seriously!)

Whatever: Junior still has Hulk strength, so after a pretty lopsided scrap, Junior gets the jump on Sam and runs him through with a rebar, killing him. Bye, Sam! You're swimming in Heaven's vodka rivers now.

R.I.P. Kyle Lee

After busting out of jail, Big Jim brings Julia to his bomb shelter to grab some guns and stuff -- something Kyle didn't think to do when he was down there getting Indy, I guess? Speaking of Kyle, all of a sudden he's behind Julia and Big Jim, cornering them at gunpoint. Big Jim flips into folksy mode to talk about having played baseball as a kid with Kyle's dad, like I'm so sure the bigoted Big Jim of the early going of the season totally played baseball with an Asian kid thirty-five years ago, but sure, why not, and what do you know, right here at hand is an old baseball trophy from that era, because childhood sports trophies are the first thing everyone grabs when they're stocking their BOMB SHELTERS, but sure, why not, and Big Jim grabs it and tosses it to Kyle, distracting him so that he fumbles and drops his gun, and then Big Jim's on top of him, savagely bludgeoning him with this bronzed baseball.

Thanks, Julia. Bye, Kyle, I guess? I would give you a sendoff but I literally know nothing about you except that you apparently weren't very observant about people's bomb-shelter arsenals!

You Think You're Going To Do This AGAIN?!

Dawn's just dismissed Barbie from De-Dome-inator setup when Junior shows up to tell Dawn he's eliminated his only competition for her junk: "I killed Sam. For you. For The Kinship." "I'm afraid The Kinship in Chester's Mill's lost," sneers Dawn. Junior doesn't know what that means. "Our rebirth was compromised the moment your father destroyed the Egg," she "explains." "But now, as the first Queen born here, I can use Christine's maps to find the other Eggs. Together, we will do this all over again, the right way, under a new Dome."

Okay, since I have obviously watched the whole episode as I write this, I remain pretty sure that this was written with the knowledge that it was going to be the series finale, but even so, JUST THE SUGGESTION that this was a setup for a Season 4 that would just start shit back up again in some other bullshit town is INFURIATING. No one working on this show could even kind of machete through the thicket of snarled mythology on the past three seasons and the solution is just to pull up stakes and DO THE SAME THING AGAIN?! The fuck is this, GROUNDEGG DAY?!

But: sure! Why not! I guess!

While Dawn walks around the amethysts, whistling at them to activate them and villain-monologuing, Big Jim's got her in his crosshairs, ready to shoot her fatally as soon as the Dome comes down. I'm not sure how he's going to know the precise moment that happens since he's nowhere near any edge of it, as far as we can tell (and I'm no alien queen but I assume the De-Dome-inator has been assembled at its exact centre), but sure, why not!

"Christine relied on your ingenuity to replace what was lost," blahs Dawn to Joe, as Junior suddenly seems to get a sense of something, looks back through the woods, and takes off to investigate. Joe doesn't get it: there are eight notes in the Dome's theme song, so why were there only seven amethysts on Christine's doodle? "What produces the eighth note?" asks Norrie. "Not what. Who." Whaaaa? "I'm the eighth note to bring the Dome down?" Norrie somehow instantly groks. "You're one of the four hands," says Dawn. "You were the first to see the pink stars." Okay, HOLD THE FUCK UP. I have been right here this entire season and I am fairly certain neither four hands nor pink stars has come up at all in the past thirteen episodes! You're bored of the new mythology so you just randomly decide to go back in time and resusciate some old shit you abandoned a million years ago, stupid writers? Sure, why not! If Norrie does this, it's going to mean she's back in The Kinship, so Joe protests, but she kisses him, telling him that no matter what happens, she loves him.

Dawn's leading Norrie into position when Hunter radios to Joe to tell him the transmitter's overheating and about to blow, which I guess motivates Joe to run right past Norrie and take his place in the middle of AmethystHenge his own self. Norrie is horrified, and as Dawn smiles smugly, Norrie figures out that this was Dawn's plan all along. Dawn reminds Norrie/the audience that has forgotten in the 500 years since it happened that Joe also saw the pink stars and was one of the four hands. (That trust wasn't invalidated when one of the hands got killed? Sure, why not!) Norrie tries to sacrifice herself to save Joe, but there's a forcefield around the perimeter now and she can't get through! He tells her he loves her too...

...and then Joe whistles the eighth note and a bunch of crazy shit happens!

BYE DOME! I did it, I outlived you! It's all over! And-- There's twenty minutes left still? FUCK!

Suddenly Big Jim Sucks At Murder?

Sure enough, twenty yards from the exact centre of the Dome (I assume) Big Jim and Julia still know for sure it's come down, and Big Jim is about to kill Dawn, as planned, when Junior comes flying out of...wherever he was hiding and tackles him, allowing Dawn to get away. While Big Jim struggles with Junior, Julia gives chase. Great, so they've still got the situation totally in hand, not. God, Julia, why even bother.

R.I.P. Joe

When Norrie regains consciousness and sits up, she sees the amethysts are all in even smaller pieces, and that there's no sign of Joe, so I guess he got vaporized into pink stars or something? She doesn't really have much of a chance to react before she's set upon by soldiers, and I guess "the government" really did dispatch like a million battalions because from what we can see there appear to be at least two soldiers for each Chester's Million. This is going to seem really excessive when they get a read on how dopey they actually are.

But: bye, Joe! Wherever you are, I assume you're finding out whether this book title actually is accurate.

R.I.P. Junior

Big Jim feels real bad about it, but when Junior tries to strangle him to death, intoning "You're the past. Dawn is the future," Big Jim -- with an assist by Indy -- grabs his trusty knife and, after a struggle, fatally stabs Junior in the chest.

Bye, Junior! You will not be missed, and I pray that if Alexander Koch gets cast in another TV, it's a CBS procedural I will never be at risk of watching!

R.I.P. Dawn

Dawn proves she's an independent woman who doesn't need no Alpha (throw your hands up at her) by finding her own way to the cement factory to try to figure out where the tunnels are. This may be a problem because apparently the Dome, now gone, bisected the facility...

...which is a crazy coincidence given that the Dome ALSO ended up having an edge pressed right up against the paper mill; I guess the Dome doesn't care about American manufacturing -- and maybe Sam would have warned her about how that possibly could fuck up his tunnel plan if he hadn't gotten all killed and shit. Anyway, a narrow plank has been laid across the chasm that's been left behind by the Dome's disappearance, but when she steps onto it, she immediately finds out it's a trap, as a very smug Barbie steps out of the shadows. "Don't take another step, Dawn," he says. "I weakened the board. You're not going anywhere." Dawn cycles through all the tactics she can think of, starting with an appeal to his lingering affection for Eva -- "You'd stop The Kinship? Everything you and my mother worked for?" -- and moving on swiftly to the parental relationship she thinks he still might be troubled about: "I'm your child, whatever's in you is in me." But Barbie's finally decided to go all A Child Called It on Dawn: "Well, then, it's a darkness that I have to destroy." "You'd kill us both?" she challenges, "for some high ideal you believe is worth fighting for?" "I would fight to my death and yours to save humanity from you," Barbie brays, as he steps out onto the board with her. "Dad," says Dawn, pretending to be vulnerable. "Please don't do this. I'm your daughter. I love you. I know you love me." But not even a goddamn idiot like Barbie falls for it, spitting, "You're no daughter of mine."

Julia rolls up just in time to see the board break and both Dawn and Barbie fall into the chasm...

...but of course Barbie had thought ahead and found a chain and attached it to himself in a way Dawn couldn't see and secured it to something on the edge of this FACTORY CHASM. How? I don't know: somehow! Sure, why not!

Alas, Barbie and Julia's celebratory weird makeout -- how many Holy Spirits do you think you need to leave room for between your crotches, guys? -- is soon interrupted by a bunch of soldiers and tanks and stuff.

Anyway: bye, Dawn! Presumably your kind doesn't go to any kind of heaven, which is a real waste of those capital knockers you inherited from your mom.

Military Brass Monkey

Counter-History Is Written By The Victors

Who called the meeting? Walker.

What's it about? The fakey cover story the government's going to try to sell about what happened in Chester's Mill -- to wit: "Four weeks ago, a radical experiment seeking a groundbreaking alternative source of energy, conducted by Aktaion, went horribly wrong. Aktaion attempted to repair the problem, but their solution only made things worse, until eventually their CEO, Hektor Martin, who was under the Dome the entire time, was killed, the result of a terrible experiment he was solely responsible for. Tragically, most of the town expired when the Dome came down, leaving only a few survivors."

How'd it go? It starts out with Barbie, who doesn't seem that keen on being a government mouthpiece. But then, thanks to some tricky (predictable) camera work, we're suddenly in Walker's meeting with Big Jim. See, while we were sitting through Walker's recitation of the Dome story, we were watching b-roll of the members of The Resistance getting cuffed, deloused, and detained in what seems to be a military black site; now it's a few days later, and Walker's ready to release the apparently almost entirely human Dome survivors, as long as they sign papers promising to go along with the official cover-up version above. (The navy-shirted drones who are going to be written off as dead are actually in a military hospital pending the development of a cure for their Domeitis.) The cover story may be bullshit, but Big Jim's ready to deal. He knows he's a good salesman, and he can sell the story to the public, in exchange for "fair and just compensation for performing such a great service to [his] country." What kind of compensation are they talking about, Walker asks?

We don't get an answer, but is that the face of a man who doesn't get what he wants? Whatever compensation they settle on, I really hope it's not as much as Dean Norris got paid to do this for three years of the only life he's ever going to have.

What's everyone doing a year later, apparently having agreed to Walker's terms? Well, Lily's got some kind of high-powered job where she gets to order people to talk to Congressmen. What happened with her infected dad? Don't worry about it, I guess!

Hunter's working for the NSA, which is how he's uncovered something alarming that he's called Lily about. (If you care, they seem to be bf/gf, omg!)

Norrie finally read a comment about the show and got bangs! Also she's enlisted in the army and is still a crack shot!

Julia uses a chance encounter with a bickering married couple to annoy Barbie about getting married themselves! Oh good, so even after her Dome ordeal, Julia's still an irritating asshole!

Norrie steals someone's ID!

Barbie's been planning to propose anyway! But then--

Big Jim and Indy show up! There's trouble!

Good lord, so now Big Jim's a freshman Congressman, and Lily's his Chief of Staff, and Hunter's got some kind of facial-recognition software that's turned up a shot of Dawn from a month ago! Real useful, she could be anywhere by now! Julia's like, that's impossible, she died in Chester's Mill, and Lily's like, that's what we thought, and Big Jim goes, speak for yourself, adding...

Everyone on the writing staff felt good about that line getting into the script? Or was it more like everyone had Senioritis and was past caring? Probably that one!

Norrie uses her stolen ID to get into some kind of holding pen, where...Joe is still alive! Norrie still loves him! She's going to figure out how to get him out! She should use the Barbie technique of "somehow"!

And then three kids we've never seen before dare each other to touch something we don't see! Their teacher calls out to them that the field trip is over...

...and it's Dawn! "We'll come back another time," she promises...

...and the thing they didn't want to touch was...ANOTHER EGG!!!!!