Chester's Mill Gets Psyched For De-Dome-ing Eve!

Life: It's Literally All We Have

Alert Type: Corrupt Bargain Alert.

Issue: Lily overheard Big Jim and Hektor plotting to murder everyone in the Dome, and she's prepared to blow up his spot with everyone else if he doesn't convince Hektor not to do it after all.

Complicating Factors: Big Jim is a complicating factor. He's changed allegiance like five times an episode this season. Also, since Lily's been tasked to surveil him, she knows some shit about him...which is also self-contradictory: "I've seen you go all Ted Bundy on people. I also saw how much you cared about this town. You don't want to do this."

Resolution: Big Jim agrees to try to use all the influence she apparently, for some reason, thinks he has over Hektor to get him to walk back his mass murder plan, if she'll erase the video footage she has of him killing people: "Something like that could get in my way after the Dome comes down."

Spoiler: Lily's probably overestimated how much weight Hektor gives Big Jim's counsel.

Think Through Your Nomenclature

I'm not going to go through my whole rant about how confused Dome mythology is again, because I don't have to: I'm obviously totally right about it. However, if you think you might have a plot point that involves the use of a drone as in "a small, un-piloted aircraft with a camera on it that you can use surveillance," then maybe you shouldn't spend several other episodes referring to the unthinking pawns in your villains' bee-like hierarchy as drones. Because when Julia and Barbie join the rest of The Resistance at their new location -- a paper mill, apparently, which Norrie cued them to go to by drawing A SQUARE somewhere on the day care -- and everyone gets ready to move out to their new assignments (Barbie to retrieve the new queen's umbilical cord; Hektor and Girl Scientist to prepare the lab to work on the cord's stem cells, "the purest form of the infection"), having Lily suggest they could try to find Christine by using "that drone we brought in" just makes this viewer assume she means they've kidnapped one of the Kinship's drones and are going to torture him for information or something. It's like the writers are trying to make this show as incomprehensible as they can, while they can.

You Have To Believe He Is Magic

As promised, Big Jim goes to Hektor to try to talk him out of poisoning all the infected Kinshippers, something Hektor had planned to do with aluminum phosphide, a grain fumigant he apparently brought in with him -- along with the drone, a shitload of private SWAT guys, a small arsenal, and a whole bunch of generators, I ASSUME -- to preserve the cattle feed inside the Dome...which makes no sense, so I assume using it to poison people was the actual plan all along. Big Jim tells Hektor about the Dome's calcification, which somehow Hektor knows means everyone within is going to asphyxiate. (Note: I guess "asphyxiate" isn't a word that Peter Benton ever had to say much, as a surgeon, or Eriq La Salle forgot, because he doesn't exactly nail it in this scene, and everyone was just so ready to finish the season that no one bothered to correct him or subsequently bring him in for looping. ELS, if you're listening: there's just the one "x" in there.) Big Jim suggests that Hektor leave the Kinshippers alone to fire up the De-Dome-inator -- I guess when he and Hektor were discussing their murder plans last night, Big Jim forgot that killing everyone who'd ever been infected would also lead to his own death??? -- and gives Hektor some best-case scenarios as to how things will go if they do: "It's not like the aliens are gonna run free! The government's already set up a perimeter manned by your company. They're gonna work on a cure, and by then I'll be in Timbuk-freakin'-tu. You're welcome to join me if you like."

How long is the De-Dome-inator going to take to build, Hektor wonders? Oh, THAT'S THE BEST PART: "Shouldn't be more than a couple of days. They've conscripted Joe McAlister. Kid's a pain in the ass, but he's as smart as they come." A COUPLE OF DAYS is all it's going to take for A CHILD to CONSTRUCT A PIECE OF ALIEN TECHNOLOGY based on AN UNMARKED SKETCH, with NO HELP. I understand he has a ticking clock in terms of the risk that if he doesn't pull it off, he'll die? BUT FUCKING STILL, THAT IS INFURIATINGLY RIDICULOUS. And the dumbest part is that given how much of this show's alien bullshit is just magic, they could have had Christine deputize someone else that was the Science Officer on her home world to direct Joe's efforts or some shit, but then again, I guess if Joe can put together a solar panel array flawlessly in less than thirty minutes, MAYBE HE ACTUALLY CAN DO ANYTHING. Anyway: Big Jim convinces Hektor to dump out the aluminum phosphide into...something, since he wouldn't want "a murder rap" on his record when he gets out. ("When" is pretty optimistic?)

But Now It's Really Time To Get Serious -- Ruthless, Even -- About Resource Management

Alert Type: Ailing Raisins Alert.

Issue: After Christine sucked so much juice out of the Dome for the new queen's cocoon, the Dome's calcification is proceeding faster than ever.

Complicating Factors: Some of the elderly drones (THE QUASI-HUMAN ONES, NOT THE FLYING ONES) are experiencing physical symptoms of oxygen deprivation because their systems are compromised by...oldness.

Resolution: Junior -- who's come back from his "treatment" stronger and more aggressive than ever -- suggests that they euthanize all the old people in order to free up more oxygen for those Kinshippers who can make better use of it. Christine's like, cool, and tells him and Sam to march all the elderly to the lake and drown them.

Spoiler: No one's going to make a fuss about a bunch of dead seniors, but Junior doesn't know when to say when.

From The Mouths Of Babes

Christine comes to check in on Joe's progress, and it sounds like Big Jim is right to have so much faith in him! "These amethysts will work," says Joe, with what I might call rather too much confidence under the circumstances, "but now I need to find a replacement for the Egg, something powerful enough to amplify the tones so the Dome can receive them." "And what ideas do you have for replacing the Egg?" asks Christine. Joe doesn't know. And furthermore?

IT'S ALMOST LIKE HE'S BEEN READING THIS POST TO THIS POINT. Christine tries to soothe him by saying he's the "smartest, most inventive kid" she knows (has she ever known any kids? She's an alien), and that he shouldn't think of it in such overwhelming terms, a.k.a. reality: "Think of it as saving your girlfriend." "Who you vowed to kill," Joe shoots back, I guess for the newcomers who are tuning in for the second-last episode of all time? "We're way past that now," Christine says dismissively. Yeah, that was like eighteen hours ago, Joe! Your show's producers never gave shit one about continuity: you think they're going to start now? They ain't.

Watch The Drone, Part I

"Are they always this synchronized?" What, you mean this?

You think that's precise marching? EDUCATE YOURSELF, YOU'RE IGNORANT.

Watch The Drone, Part II

THE FUCK DID EVERYONE GET MATCHING UNIFORMS FROM, THEY ARE INSIDE A DOME

R.I.P. Umbilical Cord

I'm not sure how much use it was going to be after Julia put it in, like, an inside-out Claire's Boutique bag.

I'm supposed to believe The Kinship found 2000 identical navy blue t-shirts and Dickie's work pants in the right sizes for everyone who's still alive (if you can call that living), but there doesn't remain even one Tupperware container or Ziploc bag? Sure, why not. Turns out, though, that it wouldn't have mattered what Julia put the placenta in...

...because now it's food for any foxes that haven't died of asphyxiation yet.

Christine returns to the new queen's cocoon to say hi, and also because it's time for "the final transfer," which means Christine has to stick her hands on the cocoon and get all veiny! "I give you my life force," she announces! As Christine gets woozy, the cocoon glows!

Thanks to our old friend the drone (the flying kind), Barbie and Julia know Christine is at "the cement factory" (which I suspect is just the other end of the paper mill, and why anyone thought we needed to set up shop in this location with one episode left after this, I am sure I don't know)! Even though the drone footage showed Christine attended by several guards -- as one would expect given that it's where the new queen is -- Barbie only finds one, and kills him!

Barbie and Julia follow the telltale purple glow to Christine! Gun drawn on her, he demands to know where his baby is! "We are moments away from the queen's final transfer," Christine informs him! Or maybe not: Barbie yanks Christine off the cocoon!

As soon as that happens, something explodes out of the cocoon and hauls ass out of there so fast we can't even see what it is! Barbie goes after it/her, but he really is not even close to keeping up!

Christine checks her side wound and finds it...gone! Somehow! She looks into a puddle and sees her human reflection restored! She immediately starts sobbing! Julia not understand!

Can We Stop Being So Casual About Threatening To Strangle Women To Death, Barbie?

When Barbie returns from his failed mission to track down the thing that exited the cocoon in such great haste, he resumes yelling at Christine: "Where's my kid?" "She was in the cocoon, I put her there, I swear!" cries Christine. Barbie's not having it, and tries to get down to the business of the episode: killing Christine (slow, like Big Jim asked him to, in retribution for what Christine did to both their children). Julia tries to intervene and get him to see that Christine has snapped out of Kinship-head, but you know how Barbie is when he's gotten it into his head that he's going to crush a woman's windpipe until she's dead! I mean, Julia especially knows, because it wasn't so long ago he was trying to kill her in exactly that manner. When he doesn't get the answer he wants from Christine, he escalates the threat, cocking his gun, and forcing her to choke, "I think that is your baby." First of all, duh? Second of all, one of the things I'm going to miss least about this show is how it used violence against women as entertainment, when in almost any of those instances, it could have portrayed violence against Junior -- something we can all get behind.

R.I.P. Girl Scientist

Well, it turns out Girl Scientist was just around the corner listening to Big Jim and Hektor talk about poisoning everyone in town, so three pages of my notes later, she's finally come to confront Hektor about it, and that ends about as you'd expect.

Bye, Girl Scientist! Maybe you should have tried to talk to Hektor when ANY OTHER PERSON was around?

Hektor Regrets That He Has But One Life To Give To The Dome, So He's Taking 2000 More With Him

Lily is pretty upset to come upstairs and find out that the blood that just dripped on her face came out of Girl Scientist, dead by Hektor's hand, and even though the evidence points pretty clearly to his being past reason, she...tries to reason with him: "These people are sick. When we get out of here, the government will quarantine them!" Hektor disagrees, saying they can't let the infected out of the Dome, and risk letting others end up the same way. Lily glances at the drone footage on Hektor's laptop screen (powered by unicorn farts, I guess) and figures out his new plan: "You're not going to kill the town. You're going to kill Joe." Hey! That's pretty efficient! And, when you think about it, heroic, since preventing the De-Dome-inator's construction will confine the infection to the most impenetrable quarantine of all time, and really only kill like half a dozen people who aren't infected. As Hektor says himself, "The world will be spared....I unleashed this plague. I came back here to try and fix things, and I failed. All I can do now is contain the damage....Believe me: what I have to do, it breaks my heart." I believe you, bro! BUT DO IT, YOU HAVE TO DO IT.

Humans vs. The Kinship

Just as Julia suspected, Actual Human Christine Price can still remember some parts of the plan she was carrying out, one of which was the thing where she incentivized Sam and Junior to kill all the raisins in town by dangling the promise of their being chosen as the new queen's alpha. By the time Barbie and Julia drive her to the lake, the last of the old people has shambled into their watery grave, but they're just in time to see Junior take the initiative and launch the exciting second phase of the plan: killing all the little kids! As he told Sam earlier, "We have to protect the most fertile members of the life force," and I have to say, I really see his point. What are these little fuckers going to do but suck up oxygen with their dumb, meandering stories and unfunny jokes? However, Julia, Barbie, and Christine don't see Junior's/my side of things, and even though Barbie is still not 100% convinced that Christine is human again, he bows to Julia and agrees to let Christine go fake to Junior that she's still queen...

...and fake she does! Junior tries to defend his escalation of her already bold plan, but Christine declares that the children are the future of The Kinship and orders Sam to return them to Town Hall. One little girl didn't get the memo and is most of the way to drowned, and when the camera cuts to a shot of her face, the actress kind of hilariously looks like she's not sure anyone's actually going to save her.

But Christine swoops in, snatches her up, and sends her off, which I guess is how Junior knows the jig is up: "You are not our queen. You're human." Guess how he threatens her physically?

I mean, you know? I guess Barbie doesn't like seeing Junior steal his signature move, because that's when he comes out from wherever he was hiding and tries to beat up Junior. But the serum has made Junior totally invulnerable, and Barbie ineffectually batters at him for a while before Junior just starts kicking the crap out of him.

End of spat. Seeing Junior turn on Christine finally, I guess, convinces Barbie that Christine really isn't in charge of The Kinship anymore, and off they go back to the paper mill to debrief her, leaving Junior in a heap, just how we like him.

Winner: Humans.

R.I.P. Everybody

Joe has, just as Christine predicted, figured out what he can use to replace the Egg to transmit tones in the De-Dome-inator: the transmitter from the burned-down radio station! So he's grabbed a handy drone to go retrieve it, and to listen to him deliver some ass-covering exposition: "And now if it's not broken and the transistors aren't fried...." But just as they're about to leave, the drone gets shot, and one of Hektor's goons starts creeping through the radio station ruins in search of Joe, who cowers with this sad-ass piece of metal that's hardly even that jagged.

Just as the guy's about to find Joe, I guess (this scene is blocked so badly that the viewer has no sense of the geography of the space and where the guy is relative to Joe), THAT guy gets shot...

...a lot. Norrie doesn't have time to explain all the shit that's gone down, but it's looking kind of like she's not going to be able to explain anything...

...because she walks him right into Hektor's gun. Knowing that not even a crack shot like her is going to get the better of Hektor, she drops her gun, and as Hektor is apologizing to Joe for what he's going to have to do for the greater good...

...HE gets shot. "You have to let me do this!" Hektor begs Big Jim. "I'm saving the world." "The world's better off without you, says Big Jim.

Before you get too excited by what a hero Big Jim is: he was getting cash out of his safe in his bomb shelter when he got the alert to deal with this situation, and he left Indy in there. So now we have one human whose survival we have to root for next week, lest Indy end up like Seymour.

Back at the paper mill after all this carnage, Hunter and Lily are, understandably, kind of thrown to find Christine in their hideout, so a lot of recapping has to happen among all these characters who've spent the last few hours apart! Why it has to happen onscreen for all of us who've been watching is not clear to me! Barbie, who's obviously been counting on a cure for "his" "baby" "girl," is pretty upset about the news of Girl Scientist's death! Julia decides that instead of getting Christine to tell them what she can remember about her time RUNNING THE KINSHIP, everyone should just go chill for a while, far away from one another! GREAT IDEA, MONARCH!

When Barbie and Julia are alone, Barbie is full of self-recrimination! "I keep blaming Christine for everything that happened. But I let her control me. She pulled the strings, and I marched." Probably sloppily, based on what we've seen today! Julia comforts him, saying he was manipulated! Barbie's not having it: "Other people fought back. I almost killed you. Yeah, I could say I was infected, that wasn't me doing those things, but I was in there, somewhere. And now my child is paying the price for my weakness." IT'S NOT YOUR CHILD, DUDE, GET A GRIP! Julia assures him, "You're back. You're you. The man I fell in love with. And we're gonna figure this out together." After all, she notes, if Christine can be saved, anyone can! Barbie counters that Christine was human to begin with: "My baby-- You were right. Whatever she is, she was never human. She's a monster. And there's no coming back for her." MAKE UP YOUR MIND, OH MY GOD, YOU'RE CHANGING POSITION IN THE SAME FUCKING SCENE GAAAAAAAAAH

Somewhere else, Christine's somehow found a cot in this place she's never been, and goes ahead and closes the window next to it even though all we've goddamn heard all episode is how hot it is with the Dome in its death throes, but SURE, WHY NOT! As soon as she lies down, we see fast-moving shadows flit by her, and then...

GOD SAVE THE QUEEN. "Eva? It's you. You have your father's eyes," marvels Christine. "And your mother's boobs," she does not add.

Queen E drags Christine to the edge of the Dome that's right there (great hideout choice, Hektor) and throws her against it, snapping, "You have something I need."

"I'm the queen now," snarls Queen E.

And (I assume) that's a series wrap on Marg Helgenberger! Girl, you did your best. I hope the new summer house you bought with this hideous paycheque is worth it!